I don't like beardos either.

Uh oh

Mommy issues?

LOL!

Speaking of beards, I get extremely angry every time I'm in a store and see a half-ravaged endcap of Duck Dynasty merch. I can't believe that this country is so enamored by rich hoosiers with scruffy beards. On second thought, I guess I can believe it, but it's quite depressing.

Did they got rich by peddling duck whistles or the actual ducks/duck meat?

duck calls. The Walmart t-shirt money will dwarf any other money they have ever made. That is what was said about the American Chopper guys and some other shit show.

^makes sense

I torrented an episode of Duck Dynasty, and although I found the show to be self-consciously scripted (or, rather, the producers were too heavy-handed in creation of "situations" for the family to be in), I found the family to be quite charming and likable. They're nice people. I guess a sizable segment of Americans are interested in shows about nice people, rather than Kim Kardashian's butt or gruesome-murder-and-graphic-autopsy-of-the-week on CBS.

I especially liked that they are God-fearing people and pray together at the end of every show.

I agree. Their show is fresh air compared to the run of the mill reality tripe on tv now of days. The characters are individually distinguishable and likeable.

That doesn't mean we need a fucking Christmas music album from them.

Cousin Fucker Christmas has platinum sales written all over it.

Thank you.

I'm still seing people wearing fucking Halloween costumes. This shit has gotten to be worse than Mardis Gras. They have Mardis Gras parties up here at various times all throughout the year....just to do it, I guess.

This Daylight Savings shit is jarring as fuck up here in Alaska.

Fucks me up in Tenn. too. But I get it's surreal there.

Well, we were already losing about 5 1/2 minutes of daylight every day in October and then all of a sudden a whole hour got lopped off. It was a gloomy, dark evening tonight.

And another thing, why exactly are only ducks unlimited? WTF did they ever do for anybody?

Quail is unlimited too.

How did they earn this special status?

People want to preserve them in the wild. We had an English Setter when I was a kid. Great hunting dog, bad field trial dog. Wild quail she would point with a poker straight tail. Domestic birds she would point with a sickle tail, no bueno for field trials.

We actually have wild quail back around here the last two years. Unusual considering coyotes are also moving in. I've been putting out seed for a covey the past two years and they are flourishing. Coyotes are something that pisses me off. I can hear them every night...they always sound a half mile off and they raise just enough hell to upset my dog and the neighbors dogs. I've not seen their scat on my property yet but I think they are here.

Coyotes limited.

Grouse is about hunted out here. It's fucking delicious breaded and fried for breakfast. My dad was a great grouse hunter. He could walk up and down hills like a mountain goat. He was a piece of throbbing gristle.

I have a coyote around here. Shits all over the place. In NJ you are aloud to shoot them on sight, but you are supposed to report it. I'm happy it took out all the wood chucks, but I miss the bunnies playing in the back yard.

Bears limited. Moose, definitely limited. I just saw the results of a collision between a truck and a small bear. The bear lost. With moose, you're supposed to aim for the legs so that they don't come crashing thru the windshield.

Grouse unlimited. This is the time of year to get spruce grouse. Before it snows. After it snows they turn to eating spruce needles and taste like crap. They're so dumb, sometimes they don't even fly away when you're shooting at them. They stay completely still and hope they'll blend into the background.

No pheasant unlimited. I haven't seen a wild pheasant in 15-20 years.

I was actually thinking of buying some quail last summer, just to hear them calling while I'm working out in the yard.

Wait I got more shit. I had to buy 3 different "Universal" flappers before I found one that actually fit my toilet. It is labeled "Universal Adjustable."

My new favorite shoes have this thing where every time I tie the laces, a little bit of the lace length shifts from one side to the other. So one lace gets to be way longer than the other and I have to adjust it once a week. Like how boobs and balls always hang differently , they're always lopsided.

godamnit nothings new... just watched the departed for the first time in a long time and realized vince ripped off marty..

I hate people who see imaginary people.

I think Marty uses era appropriate source music ala Goodfellas and Badfinger was probably appropriate for the rhythm of that scene as it could on the radio in the background.

Vince put the song in the foreground having it act as the narrator to the scene. Consider the name of the song Baby Blue, which could be a street name for Walter's crystal. The opening line of the song: I got what I deserved, I don't think of it as a ripoff as a coincidence.

Starbucks drink sizes:

Tall: 12oz.
Grande: 16oz.
Venti: 24oz.
Trenta: 31oz. They couldn't find 32oz. cups???

^ Bloomberg insurance?

Why am I always stuck in line behind the person who buys lotto tickets?!?!!!!! And these people are chatty as hell, taking up more of my time as I wait in line longer.

I love Christmas. I hate the song Santa Baby.

Bitch, why would you yell, "Sir! Sir! That's 10 minute parking!!" literally the instant I got out of my car. I still had 9:50 left of free parking to walk across the street and get my iced coffee.

Dude, to us a hoosier is white trash. To the rest of the country and virtually everyone on XPT, a hoosier is someone from Indiana.

I can't speak for the rest of the country, but in NYC, these definitions are not mutually exclusive.

I should have been more specific. In St. Louis, hoosiers are white trash who live in South City, South County and northern Jefferson County.

They are generally people from Arkansas, Tennessee and Mississippi who came to St. Louis after WWII and their descendants. They never lost their "old world" ways.

Ahh. Gotcha.

People who reek of stale cigarette stench seem to be coming out of the woodwork lately. I'm not knocking your choice to smoke or not, that's your own business.

But please, if you smoke so much that I can smell your stench an aisle away, (i) go home, clean all your clothes twice in a scented detergent, (ii) take at least 3 showers, (iii) brush your chicklets and drink some moutwash. That's right, let it flow all the way down your gullet so the rest of your putrid body doesn't make me want to puke in the checkout lane.

You probably also need to fumigate your walls and steam clean your carpet and furniture.

You pot smokers, and especially you clove smokers...double that. One just smells like shit, the other will land you in the pokey.

Goes for drunkards too. Fucking smell comes out of every pore. Every morning they smell like shit for hours while they sweat it out.

I'm probably guilty of the cigarette thing. I have next to no sense of smell left. I do keep a can of Old Spice spray in my car to help out.

The motherfucker on the subway next to me FLOSSING HIS TEETH. I gave him the evil glare. And he flosses his teeth quieter as if that's the issue. Then I ask him why he's flossing his teeth in a public space. He says, "Sorry."

Sorry?! I'm not offended. You're the one who made yourself look bad, dude. Sorry, you're a piece of human garbage.

So much irony here.

The under the asshole camera shot during a scene. Oh, that's just what I want to see. I've been looking forward to seeing Wesley Pipes' hairy asshole as he's boffing some teenage quiff...that is fun. I really love the camera man sticking a camera between his legs so we can really see just how hairy his asshole is. Fun fact: if I can see your asshole in porn, you better be female and it better be getting something in it.

Some of that might work but if you've been smoking in your house for years you will need to SEAL and paint the walls. The carpet is going to have to come up and at least be cleaned professionally. Finally, replace the carpet pad and scrub any area that dust builds up on. All this on top of throwing out all fabric furniture and most of your clothing. I'm sure Stanley Steamer has a package deal for this.
Oh and you are probably screwed if you have that popcorn texture on your ceiling. That shit will need to come down and be reapplied.

popcorn texture should have been removed in the early 90's.

People who complain their food is too spicy.

And people who ask the server: which is better? Like the fucking waiter eats off the menu and knows what you will like.