Assume I've been in jail for several years for a crime I likely committed but blamed on illegal immigrants. Okay, my gardener. That fuck killed my prize fuschia.

I digress.

So. Who's died. Does Wankus still crawl the earth like the scrotal skin shavings of a Walking Dead background artist? Has Brandon Irons' body really been taken over by sentient bacteria? Ah, so many great friends here on XPT. I still miss Kurt. Did he replace his choo choo tattoo with one of a Prius?

Update me, fucks.

Wankus found Jeebus and is selling cars somewhere.

BI can't afford gutter sluts so he's semi-retired until his baby mama sobers up. That may take a while due to her heritage.

Lackwood retired, then came back and does dude on dude massages to make ends meet, between shoots.

Jamesn & Dino Velvet are dead. RIP. On the bright side, Gia Jordan's soul is still dead, and she got fake tits.

I always liked Gia. I will Google her new fits and crack one out for old time's sake.

Brandon's with a woman? Really? Huh. Never saw that coming. I always figured the Oompa Loompas would return and take him back as their king. Packwood was good sport. I always thought we'd give him an aneurysm.

Jamesn was an unreasonable man trapped inside an episode of Mad Men. Loved that guy. But not in a Christian/Lackwood kind of way.

You gotta look through her Twitter for peeks at em.