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hey Monkey, how ya been? Good, I hope. Frankly, I'm not to sure what brought about my sudden anger, could be my self-pity over not doing what I should be doing 'cause I'm terrified of what I could become with some focus and enthusiasm. Im not saying Im better than porn, cause Im not, but whether everyone thinks Im just some lame Hunter Thompson copycat or not, I somethimes do think I have a shred of talent which could be used elsewhere but my comfort level working in porn is so damaging to my growth as a writer, as a human.

And I just blame it all on this town, thats all. Dreams are killed by the minute. Its a total shame.

I could have gone a bit overboard, but thats the way I am. And i feel bad for people who possess an amazing talent and its lost cause its not how good you are here, its who you know and who you blow. And that bothers me. A lot.

does that explain anything at all?

and to Zenman, when did I say "This town will really break you if you let it." which you call a cliche? I cant find it!




So what is it exactly?, are you angry at yourself for NOT doing what you think you can as a writer or has some in lala land poo pooed any of the stuff you have written not revolving around porn?. Judging by some of the stuff you write and your new name here im guessing confidence isn't the biggest issue here and even if it is you have more then enough denial to make up for it.

Why not try and do both, who cares what others say, its not a like a porn star trying to cross over into mainstream or anything your just a porn gossip writer slash director , you aren't held back and viewed like female performers in this industry are, and whats the worst that can happen?, it doesn't lead anywhere and you are where your at now, writing stuff for lukeford and going to porn events. Then again its hard to comment on without knowing exactly what you are wanting to write about , whether it be as a simpson's writer or something else.

As for blaming LA for holding you back and destroying dreams is stupid. You are smart enough to know about LA before moving there. In fact its not just LA, but the majority of the world, the people best at their field of choice aren't always the ones who have the best jobs, thats life. Im just lucky i made my fortune in sun dried tomatoes so im no longer in the dog fight anymore.

Please explain a little further,
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“Jesus said, hey baby, its all good" Wayne Lewis