If one happens to have two X chromosomes... one is, by definition, female. And if one happens to have a single X and a single Y chromosome... one is then, by definition, male. Strictly speaking, these are the only factors which define gender. The clothes one wears, the outward appearance of one's genitals, any secondary sexual characteristics, the gender role one adopts, or how one identifies oneself are completely irrelevant.
So I am more than happy to identify you as either male or female, according to your preference. But there remains a factual reality that exists independently of whatever self-delusion we mutually consent to.