Dateline: Los Angeles. 5:18am. A restless Iron cannot sleep due to heavy balls. Contemplates several self-destructive options before going on Chaturbate and abusing himself. Wears headphones and listens to a hot scene before successfully pumping and dumping a goopy wad. Usual post-cumshot feelings of depression avoided, replaced by elation that I was able to keep on edge long enough for 4 anonymous meat gazers to join the room. Convinces self that all were hot, lonely housewives. A man can dream, can't he?

Tips received to date: $0.
Jim Carrey-ish check I'm writing to myself and hope to cash someday: $10 million
To follow: http://chaturbate.com/affiliates/in/7Bge/ZuZUL/?room=brandonironsolo