Friends, I am desperate now. I have a girlfriend and child to support but no skills to earn a decent living. I prefer to transfer blame to anything rather than accept personal responsibility for my actions.

If you arrange for me to receive an award tomorrow, I will be there. I'd like to get Most Closely Resembling a Male-to-Female Post-Op but I will act surprised regardless.

I need some good press to get my name out there again. My agent hasn't booked a gig for me in almost a decade.