There are several things that I've learned downloading porn over the last 15 years or so.

1. Trying to explain why you need a 2 terabit hard drive can be a dicey proposition. "I have a lot of old baseball games...and stuff...that I keep on there...which is why I...um...need that 4 terabit external hard drive...thingy".

2. Asking your significant other to take a facial isn't as easy as Johnny Sins would have you believe. (i.e., You can't just growl, "Oh, you're going to make me fucking cum", and expect positive results. Facials are something you must discuss BEFORE you take your cloths off.)

3. Trying to explain to your better half why she needs a massive dose of antibiotics for your, "urinary tract infection" (after you've met your favorite porn star escort--but that's neither here nor there) is difficult. ("See, honey, I've just been sick the last couple of days but it's totally normal...")

4. Girls don't usually wear spike collars or high heels into a bed that you just bought at Ikea. That Jules Jordan is full of shit, man.

5. If you ask your girlfriend to watch porn with you, make sure you show here a scene without Yurizan Beltran, Romi Rain and/or Daisy Marie so she doesn't fixate on the ginormous fucking back tat and say, "Oh, that's so pretty".

6. Bank tellers are pretty gullible as to exactly what the charge, "Epoch 18475" is on your bank statement. ("My credit card was stolen and I have no idea what that is...who is Epoch? I understand I spent $5 on supermodelswithseethroughtops.com but this is outrageous")

7. "Dropping Fucking Loads" never works. Never. Not once. You'll sleep on the couch.

8. You'd think I'd learn the formula. A girl spends two months doing only G/G. Then she does a B/g scene. Then she's doing B/G consistently. 4 years later: Anal and a gangbang. Then a black guy then anal with a black guy. Don't believe me? Exhibit located under, "Karter, Kagney Linn and Saint, Samantha"

9. You'll never pull off pile driver--so don't bother.

10. It is impossible to have an accurate system for downloading and categorizing smut. Seriously. Impossible. Try going by star name? What happens when two stars work together? Then you can't alphabetize the other star. It's impossible! If you help me come up with a system, I'll give you an imaginary heterosexual hug.