There are several things that I've learned downloading porn over the last 15 years or so.

1. Trying to explain why you need a 2 terabit hard drive can be a dicey proposition. "I have a lot of old baseball games...and stuff...that I keep on there...which is why I...um...need that 4 terabit external hard drive...thingy".

2. Asking your significant other to take a facial isn't as easy as Johnny Sins would have you believe. (i.e., You can't just growl, "Oh, you're going to make me fucking cum", and expect positive results. Facials are something you must discuss BEFORE you take your cloths off.)

3. Trying to explain to your better half why she needs a massive dose of antibiotics for your, "urinary tract infection" (after you've met your favorite porn star escort--but that's neither here nor there) is difficult. ("See, honey, I've just been sick the last couple of days but it's totally normal...")

4. Girls don't usually wear spike collars or high heels into a bed that you just bought at Ikea. That Jules Jordan is full of shit, man.

5. If you ask your girlfriend to watch porn with you, make sure you show here a scene without Yurizan Beltran, Romi Rain and/or Daisy Marie so she doesn't fixate on the ginormous fucking back tat and say, "Oh, that's so pretty".

6. Bank tellers are pretty gullible as to exactly what the charge, "Epoch 18475" is on your bank statement. ("My credit card was stolen and I have no idea what that is...who is Epoch? I understand I spent $5 on supermodelswithseethroughtops.com but this is outrageous")

7. "Dropping Fucking Loads" never works. Never. Not once. You'll sleep on the couch.

8. You'd think I'd learn the formula. A girl spends two months doing only G/G. Then she does a B/g scene. Then she's doing B/G consistently. 4 years later: Anal and a gangbang. Then a black guy then anal with a black guy. Don't believe me? Exhibit located under, "Karter, Kagney Linn and Saint, Samantha"

9. You'll never pull off pile driver--so don't bother.

10. It is impossible to have an accurate system for downloading and categorizing smut. Seriously. Impossible. Try going by star name? What happens when two stars work together? Then you can't alphabetize the other star. It's impossible! If you help me come up with a system, I'll give you an imaginary heterosexual hug.

Just create a file shortcut and place it inside the other girl's folder. Don't touch me.

#4 applies if your bed is from Restoration Hardware, ABC Home, DWR, or Horchow.

You forgot Charles P Rogers I refer to the bed I bought from them as the panty dropper

I love that you can get an underbed cage for an additional fee.

Bank tellers do not have access to your credit card transaction history. They accept deposits and cash checks.

Calling the CS # on your card will land you in a call center, where the rep's job is to fix your problem as quickly as possible. There is no late-night party where they look up your account, NAICS codes and laugh at you. Besides, they are probably somewhere in New Jersey, who the fuck cares?

The only time porno gets involved with the bank is when you ask for a loan. If you are a porno producer, you will get shut out by most of the L.A. banks except City National. Most have internal rules against doing business with pornographers. They tend to pay late, bitch too much about interest rates, and ask for too many [maged] concessions [/maged]

^^^ Willie D is correct.

It is the most awesome bed on the internet.

I got a call from my bank's security dept...on a Sunday...when I bought a subscription from some porn site. It was great hearing the Paki woman asking me about cumonherface.com or whatever it was. It was even better announcing in proud voice...in front of my twat ex...that, yes indeed, I had spent $24.95 on cumonherface.com.

MORML's done less for weed rights than the NRA has for gun rights. They did zero work on getting weed legal in Washington. Look at it this way, if weed were legal tomorrow, Stroup would have to get a real job.

Welcome back, Barry.

I have had to deal with my debit card information being hacked and used to access a porn sight a few years back. I noticed a $30 charge for something I didn't recognize. There was a phone number listed for the company that charged me. I called it and asked them what it was about. Some Indian/Chinese/whatever woman told me I signed up for a subscription to drunksluts.com. I informed her that I did no such thing and demanded a refund. She told me all she could do was unsubscribe me from the site, they didn't give refunds.

I then took the matter to my bank, where they said they could refund my money. To do so I had to give them my debit card that was hacked, so it could be destroyed and wait 2 weeks for a new one. The other thing I had to do was go to the police station and file a report on the incident.

I'd imagine if someone filed a police report every month or so because of a stolen card, the cops and the bank would start to get suspicious.

p.s.: When I decided to check out the site it said I subscribed to all I saw was a page that said something to the effect of "all the porn in the world only $1.00! enter your credit card info here!"

Thanks, JB.

I've learned that there are no male super heros in Japan. They do seem to have more female super heroes than Arkansas has Wal-Marts though.

ask for permission is beta as fuck; okay

wife dont want asking to be whore, you have to acting with confidents. no rape but you try to push her little bit until she push back or get macing spray; then you have know her line in sand; alcohol is helping you if she look like k.d. lang

k.d. lang _and_ alcohol must be a very bad combination.