Alex, a Patty Melt is a hamburger sandwich made on bread fried in butter. You should be able to make that at home. You can buy chicken breasts or even chicken fingers, coat them in panko bread crumbs, and fry 'em up in a little pan with about 1/2" of oil in it (bonus points if the oil has a little butter and bacon grease or lard in it).

What's-his-face, the former star talk radio host Tom Leykis, who now has a free Internet stream, is constantly going on about how cheaply you can make fresh chicken strips at home, as he tells guys to save money for a brighter future. Leykis is 300 lbs., which makes me believe he is making them cheaply at home all the time. You probably ought to give Tom Leykis a listen, Alex, because he loves to coach younger men about how to get some pussy and, yeah, that's about it.

P.S., I missed the reference earlier in the thread, but I just checked out the Pickle Guys and it's a big yes! Loose pickles, sure thing. That place looks great — a wide selection of freshly-made pickled products made by the proprietor instead of in some faceless factory, with less packaging and environmental impact. Totally a great idea. Upgrade to Pickle Guys, Alex.