Originally Posted By: FAT BLOODY FINGERS
I read this today:

I just had one hell of a rough week.

Starting this past Monday, I started my General Relief Opportunities for Work class which is three weeks mon-fri. Basic easy job prep shit for morons.

My problem started when I ran out of psych meds and to battle the SSRI withdrawal, I did a bunch of chiva and cavi. Once an asshole named Kurt Cobain wrote that you have to shoot up daily for a month to get dope sick. Not at all true. I went 5 days in a row, few days off, used once, took a few days off, used once, took a few days off. Then I went 6 days in a row. Only twice did I do a single balloon issue and not feel it.
I've been very paranoid about overdose so I rarely ever did more than a single balloon dose at once. I didn't do it for a month! I counted my empty outfits at around 30ish though. Oops.

So it hits me at 3am Monday morning. Everything evacuates painfully from my ass or mouth. I get feverish and spend 3am to 7am crawling back and forth from the toilet. I've had diarrhea and thrown up plenty before bit this was the worst.

I'm guessing I must have finally gotten addicted by this point. This is confirmed when I get some dope after class and it fixes me. But for how long? 6 hours later, sick as a dog again. I made it to class after puking for shitting and hours and I figure I will do it again. I try to smoke lots of pot which barely seems to help. How many days will I suffer through this? What does it feel like? Imagine a severe stomach flu with a fever. Imagine for days straight, your bladder shuts down and every bit of food and liquid must evacuate out your ass. Drink a Gatorade; piss an entire Gatorade out your ass. And sleep, forget about it. You can get to a point where you get a half hour cat nap and wake up with a gurgling stomach telling you to run to the toilet. So all fucking week I don't sleep, and spend 3am to 7am in hell unable to sleep or not shit or not puke. Then at 7 I try to clean up and drag my ass to class.

I'm on day five and now. I could have pussied out and got a bunch of antacids, immdium ad, valiums, clonadines, etc but I let myself feel the wretched kick. Today my stomach is finally treating food as nourishment instead of poison to expel immediately. I gotta say that for having gone through this, I feel mentally, physically, and spiritually stronger. If anyone wants a born again experience call your local dealer and give yourself 30 injections of relief from this cold world, then spend days sick begging to be part of that same cold world you hid from.

Even being deathly ill I was able to make a better resume and interview better than the flunkies in my class. Much respect to functional junkies who fully live that life in fear of the kick. You got more balls balls balls than me. Or maybe I'm finally wising up. I've used all the drugs and been strung out on them all. Nothing left to learn. - "Scumfucker" May 12th 2013 Reeelapse.com


that was good. probably pure fiction but a decent read. thanks


i've been reading/listening to dan carlin. he does a history of the mongols that is badass.
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i just lock, load, and regret. - jamesn