Jerkules
Porn Jesus
Registered: 07/15/09
Posts: 12906
Loc: 3 feet high and rising
So I was on LukeIsBack and blurted out random nonsense, as usual :
Originally Posted By: Jerkuliscious
The Fame Whore shill has given me an idea. I may have to do an XPT Awards, for unique categories. Post Nominees in a poll and have the posters vote for:
Bottomless Gape of the Year Miss Rosebud 2012 GILF That Don’t Make Ya Puke Twitter’s Most Vapid Twat 2012 Prettiest Starfish Best Use of Tears in a Sex Scene The Tritone Award for IR Break Through Performer of the Year
Porn Blogger You Would Most Like to Hit With a Bottle Then Kick In The Teeth
and of course, the Highest Honor:
Porn Whore You Want To Chain In Your Basement
This seems like a daunting task though. It may cut into my time spent pullin my pud while watching Ukrainian Teen (legal) girls being faux raped in the woods. I don’t know if all the fresh outta high school girls in the Ukraine love anal, but the fact that they keep wandering through those same woods makes me think they don’t hate it.
I mean, its almost like a horror movie. You know how the killer always attacks just after the young couple has sex, right? Well these friggin chicks don’t know by know that when you stop to look up at the fauna next to a tree leaning at 45degrees, you gonna get faux ass raped? Come on, that’s the waxed teen ass fucking tree from the last 3 episodes I saw. Don’t you fucking tell me they weren’t rooting the internet and stumble on Ukraine Buttseks and didn’t see that friggin tree. “Oh those look like the woods on the edge of my village…..I want to go see if it IS the same woods.” Then 2 minutes into the wander, there’s the ass fucking tree, and whattaya thinks gonna happen? You gonna see a special butterfly? NO! YOU ARE GETTING FUCKED IN YER KEISTER HUNNY! POV style. Jeans at yer ankles and panties at yer knees.
How hard do you think it is to get a tree to grow at 45 degrees? You gotta plant it like that, or tie it down? Maybe I got one that grew out of a clump towards the sunlight and just gotta cut down the brush and other trees to get to it. I’ll take a walk tomorrow to check, but I’m bringing a gaddam knife. I aint getting ass raped on my own tree. Fuck that.
Some people actually read all that crap and thought it was a good idea. Not the ass rape tree, but the awards idea. I received compliments via PM and got a call today when THIS went live.
So here I am, forced into foregoing time that could be spent abusing myself to images of tender, barely legal Ukrainian chicks being POV faux ass raped. Maybe this was all a sort of intervention, I don't know, but if it is to be done, it needs to be done right.
EDIT I for got to add this explanation:
The honors will be known as the XXXPornTalk Great Achievements in Pornographic Entertainment Awards. For those into acronyms, the XPT G.A.P.E Awards.
Sucking dick and greasing palms won’t help you win these awards, could help you get nominated though. The nominations will be in a cluster fuck thread on XPT. The actual voting will be done via a public poll, in a separate thread for each category, and will be open to any registered member of XXXPornTalk.
Rules will be loose, but nominations will be as civil as XPT can be. The standards and critiquing will be rigorous, but you can rest assured that the eventual winners will have earned their honors.
Edited by Jerkules (12/20/1211:10 PM) Edit Reason: I'm a dumbass
_________________________
Thinking of cracked-out and/or tweaking whores getting their throats and asses brutalized for the next hit makes me hard. --Rear Admiral
Jerkules
Porn Jesus
Registered: 07/15/09
Posts: 12906
Loc: 3 feet high and rising
These are the categories we have as a start.
Bottomless Gape of the Year
Miss Rosebud 2012
GILF That Don’t Make Ya Puke
Twitter’s Most Vapid Twat 2012
Prettiest Starfish
Best Use of Tears in a Sex Scene
The Tritone Award for IR Break Through Performer of the Year
Porn Blogger You Would Most Like to Hit With a Bottle Then Kick In The Teeth
Porn Whore You Want To Chain In Your Basement
Best Bush, doesn't have an XPT vibe to it, so I will rechristen in Friendliest Furburger 2012
This gives us 10 categories. We will hash it down to 5 nominees in each.
This will be the Porn Industry's most open and transparent Award, as the nomination process will happen here, and the voting will be done in separate threads. It is you the registered member that will decide, as the Indusrty watches and hates.
_________________________
Thinking of cracked-out and/or tweaking whores getting their throats and asses brutalized for the next hit makes me hard. --Rear Admiral
Jerkules
Porn Jesus
Registered: 07/15/09
Posts: 12906
Loc: 3 feet high and rising
Nomination Process:
Nominations will be open until Jan 1, 2013 at noon Eatern Time.
To nominate someone, you will name the category, the performers name and photo evidence that they fit the criteria.
For a category such as Twitter’s Most Vapid Twat 2012, a link to the Twat's Twitter account would suffice, but a couple screen captures demonstrating the level of vapid would be more helpful. Twat-like tendencies may be listed also.
Nominations in the Porn Blogger category need only the name and a link to the blog.
Tritone, I named the IR Award after you, so I hope you give us a hand. 5 top whores that took black dick for the first time this year. After Blackules, I'd prolly have to proxy up to go ask on ir-tube, and I can't be relied on to remember to proxy up all the time.
Figgs, we don't need a friggin 100 Granny pics/nominees, just give us yer top 5-10 so we can pare it down to 5.
Any PR Entity, Agent, Producer, Suit Case Pimp, or Whore can feel free to nominate their self or their talent.
Anyone wanting to make an anonymous nomination should PM me or TRPWL. We will shame you at a later date, for not nutting up, but we will maintain your privacy.
EDIT: Almost forgot. Any Porn Whore wanting her name removed from consideration must provide the members of XPT with the following photo: Bent over, ass spread, take a Sharpie and write "OWNED BY" on one cheek & "XPT" on the other cheek, then slip the Sharpie in your starfish. You can post it here yourself or provide it to myself or TRPWL for posting. We would prefer Red, Blue or Black. Emails, Private Messages, Text Messages, Phone Calls that include whining and bitching will be subject to public display and ridicule.
Edited by Jerkules (12/20/1211:45 PM) Edit Reason: opt out clause
_________________________
Thinking of cracked-out and/or tweaking whores getting their throats and asses brutalized for the next hit makes me hard. --Rear Admiral
frankie fatale
Porn Jesus
Registered: 08/30/09
Posts: 7671
Loc: paizuri,pizza,poodles,photo
sounds good.
_________________________
i think of the past and how the future isnt how i imagined it,but the past is exactly where i unraveled it.excuses for failed attempts, gained another one i used a noose it’s not until you fall apart you see the screws are loose-cage
Jerkules
Porn Jesus
Registered: 07/15/09
Posts: 12906
Loc: 3 feet high and rising
Voting:
Voting will go form when we post the nominees, hopefully by the evening of Jan 1, 2013, until the first day of AVN, Jan 17, 2013.
Each category will get its own thread and poll, along with the photo submitted for each nominee.
You must be a registered member of XXXPornTalk in order to vote.
Only 1 vote per screen name, per category. Nothing we can do about alts.
It is still up in the air how the winners will be announced and notified.
We are currently deciding on what the actual award should be. The budget is low and sponsors would be appreciated.
_________________________
Thinking of cracked-out and/or tweaking whores getting their throats and asses brutalized for the next hit makes me hard. --Rear Admiral
_________________________
Thinking of cracked-out and/or tweaking whores getting their throats and asses brutalized for the next hit makes me hard. --Rear Admiral
Jerkules
Porn Jesus
Registered: 07/15/09
Posts: 12906
Loc: 3 feet high and rising
I just realized I may have to put in for a waiver to the NO TUBE LINKS rule for the Best Use of Tears in a Sex Scene category. Fuck.
Prettiest Starfish and the Basement Chains categories are going to be tough for me to make nominations. That's important stuff right there. Lots to consider.
_________________________
Thinking of cracked-out and/or tweaking whores getting their throats and asses brutalized for the next hit makes me hard. --Rear Admiral
Jigaloo
Porn Jesus
Registered: 04/17/06
Posts: 7863
Mister Jerkules, first I would like get a measure put on the ballot thanking you for all the blood, sweat, piss, and tears you have gone through in order to bring us the awards. Vote Yes On Measure J!
Secondly, I would like to suggest a new category, and have at least four nominees already in mind. Is this permitted? We promise complete transparency here, we're not Obama and Holder.
I will make some more nominations later.
For Twitter's Most Vapid Twat 2012, I'd have to nominate Kelly Divine. She's not going to win against those two heavyweights, but we need more nominees even though it's a two whore race. Remember this thread.
For Porn Blogger You Would Most Like to Hit With a Bottle Then Kick In The Teeth I nominate Cindi Loftus aka NotLuke of Luke Is Back. 90% of what she posts is press releases. She also had "insider info" on last weeks tragedy in Connecticut. You can't expect her to be Luke, he was once in a lifetime. But try not to be so god damned boring. Is there any way to compare the Alexa ratings from when Luke ran it to how it is now?
Jerkules
Porn Jesus
Registered: 07/15/09
Posts: 12906
Loc: 3 feet high and rising
Mistah Jigaloo, if you have a well thought out category, that represents the spirit of XPT and these Awards, by all means, put it out there.
Same goes for our other esteemed members. We are currently at 10 awards, but we should be able to expand that to 15 if the categories meet the above criteria. My biggest concern is to not have an over abundance of Nominations to vote on in each category, like some awards out there.
_________________________
Thinking of cracked-out and/or tweaking whores getting their throats and asses brutalized for the next hit makes me hard. --Rear Admiral
Jerkules
Porn Jesus
Registered: 07/15/09
Posts: 12906
Loc: 3 feet high and rising
Look at this TRPWL guy, already shilling for Spiegler Whores. I imagine that is going to earn him some votes.
_________________________
Thinking of cracked-out and/or tweaking whores getting their throats and asses brutalized for the next hit makes me hard. --Rear Admiral
Jerkules
Porn Jesus
Registered: 07/15/09
Posts: 12906
Loc: 3 feet high and rising
I'm getting bogged down researching the Starfish award. How do you determine whether one snowflake is prettier than another? The wonders of nature never cease to amaze me.
EDIT: I'd like to mention that these awards are for calendar year 2012. So as much of a Sasha Grey fan as I may be, since she wasn't around this year, I can not nominate her for Starfish or Basement Chains. Please take this into consideration when making your nominations. Thank you.
Edited by Jerkules (12/21/1209:13 AM) Edit Reason: Didn't feel like post count whoring
_________________________
Thinking of cracked-out and/or tweaking whores getting their throats and asses brutalized for the next hit makes me hard. --Rear Admiral
frankie fatale
Porn Jesus
Registered: 08/30/09
Posts: 7671
Loc: paizuri,pizza,poodles,photo
ill list off some milf noms.
veronica avluv julia ann lisa ann kendra lust rebecca bardoux karen fisher kianna dior india summer tiffany mynx ava addams
theres more out there jewels jade comes to mind. sexy vanessa also. ill think of more while i go get the tree.
_________________________
i think of the past and how the future isnt how i imagined it,but the past is exactly where i unraveled it.excuses for failed attempts, gained another one i used a noose it’s not until you fall apart you see the screws are loose-cage
faceblaster
Elder of Zion
Porn Jesus
Registered: 05/06/04
Posts: 5213
Loc: watching Bad Ronald
add Kacey Jordan to the idiot twitters list
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I really wanted to go to that Bukake because I thought for sure that you were going to be on the receiving end. - Ryan Knox to Jeff Steward
Jerkules
Porn Jesus
Registered: 07/15/09
Posts: 12906
Loc: 3 feet high and rising
It is a Granny I'd Like to Fuck award, Frankie. Although I like the idea of Lisa Ann potentially winning that.
_________________________
Thinking of cracked-out and/or tweaking whores getting their throats and asses brutalized for the next hit makes me hard. --Rear Admiral
Thanks for the idea and the thread, Jerkules. This is exactly the type of shiny object that can be put in front of an XPT poster to pause the back-stabbing and sniping. The snark and hate here is a good thing, but it's always better and funniest when its focus is outward.
Jerkules
Porn Jesus
Registered: 07/15/09
Posts: 12906
Loc: 3 feet high and rising
Our first Anon Nom, and really I'm kinda ashamed I didn't think of it myself. The rappin retard herself: Tanner Mayes @TannerMayesCGXO
_________________________
Thinking of cracked-out and/or tweaking whores getting their throats and asses brutalized for the next hit makes me hard. --Rear Admiral
Jerkules
Porn Jesus
Registered: 07/15/09
Posts: 12906
Loc: 3 feet high and rising
Originally Posted By: Bornyo
I hope this thread doesn't degenerate to a picture thread. I trust the OP can prevent that.
That is why I said in one of my first posts that Figgs should only post pics of his top 5.
Couple pics will be needed. I don't envision it getting out of hand though.
Thank you for the compliment, Bornyo. This is a time to come together and set past differences aside for a while for the good of the board and the glory of the whores.
I have received requests for category considerations. They will be posted a little later.
_________________________
Thinking of cracked-out and/or tweaking whores getting their throats and asses brutalized for the next hit makes me hard. --Rear Admiral
frankie fatale
Porn Jesus
Registered: 08/30/09
Posts: 7671
Loc: paizuri,pizza,poodles,photo
i nominate them for breathrough in flavorina-ism.as well as trinity st claire and tiffany star i believe.although i havent seen anything other than a still of bree ashley throw her in with them.shes a lil flavorina too.
so ive got to come up with a top five?ill have to think.
_________________________
i think of the past and how the future isnt how i imagined it,but the past is exactly where i unraveled it.excuses for failed attempts, gained another one i used a noose it’s not until you fall apart you see the screws are loose-cage
Jerkules
Porn Jesus
Registered: 07/15/09
Posts: 12906
Loc: 3 feet high and rising
Originally Posted By: frankie figgs
so ive got to come up with a top five?ill have to think.
Yeah dude. We aint AVN, our awards have integrity. No friggin 47 nominees in each class.
Here are some categories that were suggested off site:
C3X Shaved Whore 2012
Nominees:
Kacey Jordan
Eva Angelina
Raven Alexis
Joslyn James
Whataya think?
The Moblem Award for Hottest Dead Porn Whore of the Year is a lil over the top for my taste, but I figured I'd through it out there and let the board decide.
Porn's Most Scandalous Pairing
Raven Alexis and the Fake Cancer
Mr. Marcus and the Real Syphilis
Fabian Thylman and the German IRS
Needs some more, but this is such a vote worthy category that we could roll with 3 or 4.
Train Wreck of the year
Tanner Mayes
Kacey Jordan
Coco Loco
_________________________
Thinking of cracked-out and/or tweaking whores getting their throats and asses brutalized for the next hit makes me hard. --Rear Admiral
Jerkules
Porn Jesus
Registered: 07/15/09
Posts: 12906
Loc: 3 feet high and rising
It was just an idea. Maybe we give Coco a Lifetime Achievement award in the category and call it a day.
_________________________
Thinking of cracked-out and/or tweaking whores getting their throats and asses brutalized for the next hit makes me hard. --Rear Admiral
The nice thing about those two is they have plenty of empty bottles lying around. But why would someone want to kick them in the teeth when you could just pull out their dentures?
Jerkules
Porn Jesus
Registered: 07/15/09
Posts: 12906
Loc: 3 feet high and rising
The theory behind the award isn't getting a gum job, it is inflicting hypothetical pain.
_________________________
Thinking of cracked-out and/or tweaking whores getting their throats and asses brutalized for the next hit makes me hard. --Rear Admiral
frankie fatale
Porn Jesus
Registered: 08/30/09
Posts: 7671
Loc: paizuri,pizza,poodles,photo
Originally Posted By: Jigaloo
What is flavorina-ism?
a flavorina is a lil cutie ie riley reid.so flavorinaism is the embodiment of being a flavorina.
_________________________
i think of the past and how the future isnt how i imagined it,but the past is exactly where i unraveled it.excuses for failed attempts, gained another one i used a noose it’s not until you fall apart you see the screws are loose-cage
frankie fatale
Porn Jesus
Registered: 08/30/09
Posts: 7671
Loc: paizuri,pizza,poodles,photo
top 5 milf noms
veronica avluv
kendra lust
lisa ann
kianna dior
india summer
_________________________
i think of the past and how the future isnt how i imagined it,but the past is exactly where i unraveled it.excuses for failed attempts, gained another one i used a noose it’s not until you fall apart you see the screws are loose-cage
Jigaloo
Porn Jesus
Registered: 04/17/06
Posts: 7863
What's with all the site issues today? Are the Democrats hacking and disrupting XPT? Are THEY coming to kill me?
This is going to get out of hand real quickly. Frankie, please read the fucking rules. There will be no awards for Best MILF, Best Anal, Best Group Performance in a Parody (Drama), Best Group Performance in a Parody (Comedy), Best Dialogue, etc.
Best GILF is someone like Dana Hayes. Not that I'm nominating her, just someone of that age bracket or who looks like that. Lisa Ann is the only person you mentioned who qualifies.
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