There's maybe 3 old broads at my new gig that I'd really love to bone. One is almost a close talker and very touchy and squeezy. You know, she puts her hand on like your forearm, then gives it a squeeze. A firm squeeze. Not hard, but firm like a good handshake. She also has a better handshake than most men. She's a tiny little thing and my hand just swallowed hers up. I actually did a horrible handshake because her hand was so small I was afraid I might hurt her. So I was kind of dead fishy and let go too early. It was mortifying.

A good handshake is important. Met one of my girl's cousins last month. He's like 20 and a mechanic. Softest handshake ever. How could you trust your car to someone with that weak of a handshake?