I will never back down from anyone. In fact I have a top-secret transcript of a Garfield photoshoot:

The photographer, a German 60 year old bondage freak with no legs, is preparing the shoot.

German (with heavy German accent): Now John I need you to grease up your anus REAL good for me. I have something special for you today.

Garfield: what's that, daddy?

German: a paint bucket! I'm gonna stretch your muscle-bound ass wider then Texas!

Garfield: oh goody! what did do to deserve this?

German: you let me shit in your mouth, remember?

Garfield: how could I forget. your shit was like soft serve ice cream. delicious.

German: ok, let's get to work. you shot your roids today right? I want to see veins popping.

Garfield: of course I shot up. being muscular is my life. my veins are gonna pop huge for you. so are the massive zits on my face.

German: sensational! ok, here's comes the bucket for your power bottom.

At this point the audio cuts out.