my final thought on this is one thing she told me a few times"theres nothing you can say that will make me not respect you or what i think about you."

i guess flop number 1 applies here too.
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i think of the past and how the future isnt how i imagined it,but the past is exactly where i unraveled it.excuses for failed attempts, gained another one i used a noose
it’s not until you fall apart you see the screws are loose-cage