Here's a good one I found on Hx today:
So, last night I was busy as hell and couldn't eat until late, so I pick up two large burritos at seven eleven. Then this morning I schedule a meeting with a lovely lady here. She is in the inland empire so its going to be a long drive, but she has amazing bolt-ons like I like, so no problem.
I get in my car with great anticipation of meeting this lady. I am about 5 miles in to a 40 mile drive when my stomach starts to bubble. By mile 25 my stomach is starting to cramp and I have to pass gas but I know it will be a wet fart if I let loose and I don't want to have my briefs soiled when I get to the location. UGHHHH With about 5 miles left I have sweat literally dripping down my face I am in so much pain. Of course there are no gas stations and I don't know the area. I call the lady and get the final directions and its right off the freeway. I can now see the location and a sense of relief starts to fill my heart. I pull in the parking lot and get the final directions. As I get out of my car I have to stop for a second as the pain is excruciating. All I can think of is, "I am almost there, I can make it". I get to the door and knock and the lovely lady answers. I give her a quick hug and ask if I can use the restroom. At this point I literally don't know if I can hold in any longer, I may just crap myself before I can get my pants undone. I am dripping with sweat.
I close the door to the bathroom and pull down my pants and just as I make it to the toilet I explode. Thank God nothing goes anywhere outside the toilet, but inside the toilet it looks like Armageddon. Only problem is, I still have cramps and have to continue to sit there and unload. After about 5 minutes the lady knocks and asks if everything is ok. I say "yeah, just a few more minutes and I'll be done"... I literally feel like I am giving birth to a 10lb baby. I have to flush twice, and I know the lady is getting freaked out by now, as its probably been about 10 minutes since I got there. FINALLY I am done and ready to have some play time. There is still a bunch of residue on the sides of the toilet, but there is nothing there for me to clean it with but the ladies toothbrush... I think about using it for a second, but figure that wouldn't be right, I mean, do I use it and then not tell her, or use it and tell her??? FUCK, I decide its just best to leave the residue.
I open the door and the smell must have hit her like a giant wave. She literally took about five steps back. She then proceeds to bitch me out, screaming at the top of her lungs. I am very apologetic, but she tells me I have to leave. I am mortified and give her 20 for her trouble. So basically, I paid 20 to take a shit. I think the lady could have been much more understand.
Ladies, is it unreasonable that she could have handled this situation better? What would you have done ladies, be understanding or boot me out?
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I really wanted to go to that Bukake because I thought for sure that you were going to be on the receiving end. - Ryan Knox to Jeff Steward