No, it's cool...fair question.

I had a great job with the Pennsylvania Department of Corrections. I was working in the Bureau of Community Corrections, directly under the Deputy Director Programs & Administration. A really nice cushy desk job. Great bunch of people to work with...room for advancement...I LOVED it.

Then my mother, who was living in Louisiana had a stroke, and it was either put her in a home (which none of us other than her brother could afford...and I don't even know if he would have stepped up), get my brother to step up to the plate (ummmm, yeah...right!), or I had to put my life on hold (which I really didn't want to do), and go to a part of the country that I REALLY didn't want to, to work with everyone to get her through rehabilitation so hopefully she could take care of herself again. Being the giving sucker that I am....I did the latter. Believe me, you haven't actually lived until you get the "privilege" of actually changing your own mother, helping her bathe, helping her get dressed.....and not get paid a fucking cent for it to boot! For real though!

She was making real progress, then she went in for a carotid endarterecomy to clear the blockage that caused the stroke...and right before she was to be released...she had another "event." Anyway, move ahead about a year, and after starting from square one AGAIN...she was FINALLY to the point where she could take care of herself again...but I decided to stay in the area just in case.

Then I was fortunate enough to land a job as a budget analyst with the Louisiana State House (Budgeting was my concentration for my MPA). Things were going pretty well, even though I was stuck in a part of the country that I couldn't stand & I was working with fairly backward people also.

Then toward the end of 2010, I woke up one weekend with tremendous pain in my right shoulder. I brushed it off...but it didn't get better. By Sunday, I was having nausea and dizziness and almost blacked out a few times. I decided that if I didn't get better by Monday, I was going to the hospital...because I knew I was in no condition to go to work. Long story short...keeping with my family history...I had a heart attack at age 38...and as incredibly UNACCEPTABLE as it is...I have been out on disability ever since.

So to answer your question...I am currently out on disability, pretty much wasting my life, and to be perfectly honest, it's like literally driving me fucking nuts with each passing day. That's actually one of the reasons why I am currently doing some traveling across the USA before I go completely fucking nuts.

I'm making out okay on disability...better than taking any old job anyway...but I'm not doing what I want to do, not making any real contribution to society, and quite frankly just wasting my fucking life. To be honest, I can't fucking stand the bs twists and turns my life has been taking in recent years. I've found that life is what we make of it...but that still doesn't explain why the last 5 years of my life have been so extraordinarily shitty. Hell, even when I try to go out of my way to do good for/by others....I still end up getting fucked in the end.

Hope that sheds enough light on the subject for you. Believe me though, I don't make any excuses for myself, or anything that I do...actually I am incredibly hard on myself. Probably why I would never actually be a member of my own fan club. Ha ha ha!