Originally Posted By: Monica Foster
Yes, it's true. I'm jealous of Derek Hay. Why? Because my dream has always been to be over 40, bald, white, in gay porn, 5'3" and have Christian XXX as my best friend.
Wow, you're really forcing us to choose between you and Hay?

You are:
1. a house-n(i)gger
2. a hooker
3. a liar
4. a porn skank
5. the "star" of "Chocolate Cream Pies 17" and "Not the Cosbys," easily two of the shittiest loops of porno ever recorded.
6. a loud-mouth. No white man would fuck you without a gallon of bleach and a clean toxicology report.
7. unemployed

Please, feel free to refute these in your busy schedule. I'm sure you got a lotta cracker creampies lined up...John Kruk, Kurt Schilling, Black Jack McDowell, ad nauseam.