OK, I know this idea will seem half-baked but hear me out. We hold a bake sale/fundraiser for Ira Isaacs. We bake doody-shaped cookies and sell them outside the Federal courthouse in Los Angeles along with Swirlies. If you take a dozen number twos (Volume 2, that is), you get a discount. Gift wrapping will be simple: wrap everything up in two-ply Charmin.

Pornstars with dogs are especially welcome! Fans will make a donation to take a photo with the pornstar and her dog. We will call it the "Japanese Doggie Threeway" booth but neither the dog nor the fan needs to be Japanese.

Who's in?