The food reviewer kid looks so pitiful, with his greasy, unkempt hair, pimply face, and grey pallor. Reviewing Lean Cuisine ain't gonna get it done for him. He needs physical training plus a balanced diet with fewer calories than he uses per day.

What that fat kid really needs is five months at Parris Island (13 weeks basic training plus two months in the Physical Conditioning Platoon), but unfortunately in his current condition he's ineligible to enlist. He needs to lose about 70 lbs. before he could go.

Our schools are really fucked up. When I was in elementary school we had PE, plus a gruff coach who told us to move our little candy asses. By the time I got to high school the self-esteem goofs had taken over, and now there's nobody to help this kid by telling him the cold, hard truth: You don't want to be a fat-ass. It's NOT normal, and I'm going to help you fix your problem. The new Oprah-fied schools wouldn't dare.

The good news is, he's 16 years old and therefore probably reads this forum religiously.