Drug Addict Uses Own Face As Fishing Bait



"Anglers fishing off west pier, South Beach, Blyth, Northumbria were horrified to watch a man slice off strips of his own face and use them as fishing bait. A local angler said "This guy turns up and realises he's forgot his fishing bait. Next thing you know he pulls out a knife and cuts off a small stip of skin, puts it on his hook and casts out. He didn't seem to be in any pain so we assumed he must be on something and decided to leave him alone".

One angler who was brave enough to approach the man told us "He told me he got the idea from the old practise of using bacon rind for fishing bait. Within 10 minutes of his first cast he hauled up a 1lb whiting, several others followed including a 7lb cod. It was amazing nobody else was catching anything yet he was pulling them out like there was no tomorrow". Sadly for the unnamed angler there was no tomorrow as he passed out and died though loss of blood.

Blyth has long suffered from its drug problem and the council is worried that copycat drug addicts will follow. The use of human flesh has since been banned from local fishing competitions for legal reasons.



On a ligter note...

Angler Catches 25 lb Cod Using Wifes Sex Toy

"An angler landed a cod weighing 25 lb using a lure made from his wifes vibrator while fishing off Seahouses, Northumbria. Mr Brown said "I got the idea watching a nature program about how fish find their prey and thought hey why not try the wifes vibrator. I dipped it in the aqurium at home and was amazed to see all the fish gather around. Other anglers aboard the boat scoffed at the idea but I had the last laugh, now they all want one. I'm going to try my daughters next, it's a lovely blue colour with a natural feel I'm sure it'll be even more successful".

A top marine biologist said "Fish are attracted by vibrations in the water which they pick up through their lateral line. On a low setting a vibrator mimics the signal given out by a wounded fish. A vibrator is of course similar in shape to a torpedo shaped fish. With the range of styles, sizes and colours available this could be the next big craze to hit angling worldwide, certainly more research needs to be invested in this area as fish stocks continue to decline".

Sadly Mrs Brown has been recently admitted to hospital for emergency surgery and was unable to comment."