I think you need to try a mail order bride. Not from Eastern Europe or Asia, more like from Bumfuck, Arkansas, or Cousinfucker, Iowa. Don't need to get her a ring, just a set of teeth and a roof that doesn't require duct tape patches.
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Thinking of cracked-out and/or tweaking whores getting their throats and asses brutalized for the next hit makes me hard. --Rear Admiral