It is time to come clean. I was not punted from the United States. I was recruited by the CIA as part of an undercover unit that goes around the world assassinating citizens without trial or conviction. You may have heard about Anwar al-Awlaki but there are many, many more.

I was in Peru on a joint ops mission between the CIA and DEA dealing with traffickers in Peruvian marching powder. Tons of it were stored in Machu Picchu. This will all come out in the news.

Your passports will not protect you against your own government. We are in charge. Obey.