Shelley Lubben channelling the voice of Jessie Jewels: "And then he took his 40-something-year-old hands and spread my innocent 19-year-old ass cheeks."

Voice of Reason: "But...Jessie. Those are your hands spreading your own ass cheeks."

Shelley Lubben channelling the voice of Jessie Jewels: "Oh. I see. Well, then, the drugs were making me behave totally out of character. I love my boyfriend. I told him I was doing girl-girl and assumed he would never type my stage name into a search engine. Can't you see I'm a victim??"

Voice of Reason: "You mean you're a victim of your own greed and stupidity?"

Shelley Lubben channelling the voice of Jessie Jewels: "I was raped! If I didn't have a hand covering my mouth, I'd say so myself."