i hadn't eaten and was full of shitty gin and it's all late nineties rnb and eurotrance and the girls are imported and bored and the brightlights make my skin translucent and some poor girl sits next to me and i ask her about love and she gets confused and offers her nudity for $50 and i agree and we go into the back and she's whispering in my ear and it's strange and uncomfortable and inside there's no touching and i ask her about her day and she's missing a tooth and this makes me like her more so i tell her to put her clothes back on and we sit and talk and after fifteen minutes she asks me to marry her for a visa.

i seriously don't understand what you guys see in this shit.

is that from the rules of attraction?

Sorry to hear about your experience, but it sounds like it had more to do with the quality of the place you went to. Missing teeth should definitely be a deal breaker in any strippers contract.

^ agreed. i highly recommend montreal for your stripper needs. full booze and full nude with nothing less than 8's.

Better destination when the exchange rate was in our favor. That is when those 8's were advertising for amounted to 150/hr US.

Eddie, your problem with titty bars is about the same as mine. You think of the girls as human beings. They most assuredly are not thinking of us that way, no matter how much sugar coats their words.

I don't know about Montreal, but I've thrown quite a few toonies at some super Calgary foxes.

yeah i think i have a fundamental issue with seeing someone naked without knowing their name. if it was 1950 and acceptable to grope your secretary and own women as property i wouldn'r find it so weird but in 2011 i'm so entwined in post feminist theory i find it difficult to masturbate with asking myself where this relationship is heading.

at the strip club there was a band playing covers of guns and roses and i asked my toothless stripper if the band's parents were there to support their gig but she didn't get it and told me to refocus on her vagina.

I find strip clubs uncomfortable.

Could in part be Bornyo's "human being" theory.

But, I think it's really something quite different

A strip club is an environment where the strippers have all the power. Any power I appear to have is endemic to the illusion they play out sole purpose of the milking the legal tender from my wallet.

Since most if not all of the girls are past concepts like degradation, humiliation, exploitation and self-worth when they accepted this career choice, the only one in the strip club being degraded, humiliated, exploited and suffering a loss of self worth is me.

But, that's me.

1. Your problem is partly centered in her lacking teeth. Burg would tell you, Never trust a stripper with less than a full set of chiclets.

2. A phone call to Simp might help out.

3. Welcome back.

The first ripper bar I ever went to is still open. I was 16 when I first started going there, and it's been 22 years since then. I meandered up there the other night for old time's sake.

Nothing had changed. The seats, the lights, the music, even one of the waitresses was still there. Saw lots of noobs throwing around 20's, and lots of local prospects waiting to prove a point to the upper management.

It's like the fucking zoo. Pay your entry fee, grab a refreshment or two, but don't get too close to the animals. Many of the daytime girls can give you the crabs by mere eye contact.

I knew a guy who used to pick up street whores off the stroll. He got crabs and passed them on to his wife. She was so stupid or in denial that she believed his story that he got the crabs off a bar stool when he was wearing shorts.

If she's that willfully blind, he should have said he got 'em off the bar toilet b/c whatever she made him for dinner the night before gave him the shits. Might have gotten better chow out of the deal.

He wasn't the brightest bulb in the bunch either. He once took another friend to the stroll and picked up a whore. He paid "her" to blow blow both of them. The friend refused becasue the whore had 5 o'clock shadow and an adam's apple or so claims the friend that turned down the blowjob.

Your friend was married to Darrah?

Was you friend named Alex ?

The one that got crabs was called Insane Wayne and the one who turned down the BJ was Johnny J.

Couldn't be Alex. He's even too cheap for the stroll.

Now I'm in Frankfurt, Germany drinking fancy Irish whisky in my hotel room. I'm thinking about going to a strip club later. I'm pretty sure prostitution is legal here, but that's a line I haven't crossed yet. But I would imagine that strippers in Germany are pure filth.

Edit: I'm most likely gonna just fall asleep.

When in Frankfurt, be sure to visit Oase Spa. One of the best FKK clubs in the country. www.fkk-oase.de
Stay out of the Red Light District near the train station.

So would I. German porn and porn stars are pretty disgusting with just a few exceptions.

Teutonic efficiencies extend even to the sex trades.

Last time I was there, most of the sex workers were eastern bloc type immigrants. The FKKs are filled with Czech, Hungarian, Poles, etc.

Who the fuck wants rote and efficiency in the sack? May as well hang a sign that says McLays. Even if you're banging your secretary, do you really want her taking dictation as you're hitting her shitter? If she's jotting notes in her steno pad, you're not doing it right.

Admiral? Thoughts?

Don't know about Poles, but Czechs and Hunnies are LOVELY!!

/one liner Larry/ That's not what I hear! Whoa! / one liner Larry/

I like it when the club has an extremely tall pole for the dancers to climb, and I like it when they have a pole on ball bearings, so it spins with the whore.

Holy shit! Hey there Eddie, welcome back!

Yeah, strip clubs have run their course for me. I'll only ever go back for someone else's bachelor party or whatever.

nice to see you too, floof.

A buddy harassed me for like 2 weeks to go to a strip club up in Allentown called "Al's Diamond Cabaret". The place had alot of porn chicks go through there as headliners. Al's advertized on Howard Stern's show on 94 WYSP out of Philadelphia. They were really prmoting 2 porn chicks that were doing a lesbian fetish mock S&M show called "Blondage". My friend was hyped about it. Its all he talked about till I finally agreed to go. He made the thing a big fucking chore. It was like an hour drive from here and Al's was BYOB. He had a huge chest cooler of beer, snacks, an overnight bag with an emergency change of clothes and I even saw a tent in his van. He was talking about hanging out in the place till it closed which meant he wanted to spend close to 8 hours in this strip club. The whole thing just pissed me off and I regretted agreeing to go.

When we got there the place was packed. I was hating it even more. The fucking cooler he brought was so big and heavy that it took 2 of us to carry it inside. The stripper poles on the main stage were like 10 feet tall or at least seemed that way. It was the first time I went to a club like that since at that point I was used to titty bars and the couch dance parlors in philly/camden. The one thing I remember clearly about being inside the club was that between dancers 2 guys would run out on the stage to clean, disinfect and then towel dry the stripper poles. I'd never seen that before.

After 2 hours my head was pounding from the music and all the guys yelling and being loud. I still had to sit for another hour till the "Blondage" show and my friend was adamant that he wanted to stay to see it at least twice when I started talking about wanting to leave soon. I stopped drinking after a six pack so I'd be sober to drive. He was acting like the whole thing was the greatest night of his life. I was real close to bitch slapping him. There was no way I was staying till that place closed and even less that I was shelling out money for a motel room or sleeping in his van or the fucking tent he packed for the trip. The big cooler of beer he insisted on bringing attracted alot of attention and other assholes in the club who didn't bring booze or didn't bring enough started coming over trying bum beers off us.

I did eventually convince him to leave when he was shit faced, out of cash and talking about using the atm machine to get more. I ended up having to drag the cooler back out to the van with one arm while I held him up with the other as he staggered out beside me. I took his keys and drove home from allentown doing 100 mph down the PA Turnpike. When we got home I kept his car keys, locked him in the van passed out, stole all the snacks and went home to smoke pot. He was pissed at me the next day because he couldn't get into his house without keys and had a hangover. The topper was that he got so drunk he couldn't even remember seeing "Blondage".

I'm pretty sure that's Reading not Allentown. Unless he's moved.

I went to college in the area.

It might have been Erv's. It was a long time ago but it was a pretty big club and I know it advertised on Stern and it was a long drive to hit a strip club and I drove on the turnpike.

The one Stern used to push when I listened was Al's in Reading.

He used to have Amy Lynn Baxter on a lot in the old days when I listened, like 15 years ago or more, and she often was featured there.

@Eddie my friend, hooker with a golden heart like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman, exists in Hollywood fantasy movies only.
I emphathize with you. It pains my heart hearing you blew away 50$ on a toothless hooker.



lolz man you should have taken some money from his ATM card too!