LouCypher: exactly..accountabil
ity is out the window.
J.B.: This end of the world shit is the biggest comedy gold since "You won't have Nixon to kick around anymore."
[x] Jerkules: Now if you could start selling shares of Jesus, that's the dream
Uomo Grassissimo!!: I've often thought of starting a church. I know the Bible real well. But, I don't want to sleep with whores like Swaggert and Baker.
J.B.: Fatty, I assure you that you have better taste in whores than those guys.
LouCypher: dont you all agree that jesus would need updating?
[x] Jerkules: Our financial analysts have determined Jesus will have an earnig potential of $475 million, You can get in on that for a mere $1000/share, today, and we are only selling 475 shares, so your $1000 has the potential to be worth $1,000,000 the day he return
LouCypher: he'd have to be like gates...or ray lewis.. or randy johnson.
LouCypher: the miracles that he pulled off really aren't that impressive anymore.
LouCypher: van de kamps can do what he did.
LouCypher: a microwave oven could replace him now.
[x] Jerkules: Wrong type Lou, you want young kids to join the church, so they will give for a life time. New Jesus will be a skate douche wearing skinny jeans, eyeliner and a fage hair cut
[x] Jerkules: Or balck w/ gold teef and chains
LouCypher: adam lambert then?
LouCypher: or lil john..?
[x] Jerkules: yep. Stuff like that happens when they stop letting you beat children
LouCypher: you're going old testament now.. stay in the moment.
[x] Jerkules: alright, you need sacriments.
LouCypher: i'm going to take this moment to point out ...one again.. that the shoutbox sucks and this will be lost..SOON.
[x] Jerkules: Smoke the body of shrist,
LouCypher: this was threadworthy.
[x] Jerkules: christ
[x] Jerkules: Copy and paste then Mr. Mod sir
LouCypher: fuck...*once
[x] Jerkules: DO yer fucking job and police this joint!
[x] Jerkules: smile
LouCypher: heh
Uomo Grassissimo!!: For Jeff so loved the board that he gave his one and only shoutbox, that whoever had nothing to say shall not have eternal life but perish.
LouCypher: fatty is on a roll.. i see a new alt in the making.

So from smoke the body of christ....

Gotta have some snake oil to ply the rubes with. Let's keep the opium out, because we don't want to lose the congregation to smack dealers and their brothers with diplomas that pimp Rx's.

I'm thinking some Chinese herbs mixed into Red Drank for the new blood of christ.

Fuck, we've been beaten to the punch.

Let's exclude a group to mark our differences, with these clowns from Queens, gotta be a group of people everyone hates. Not blacks, there are too many of them with disposable income and reasons to seek the lord. Jews are too easy of a target. Hispanics a loyal bunch.....How about we target American Indians, blame them for the increasing poverty, because of those evil casinos and there crooked roulette wheels?

Now the Red Drank/Blood of Christ should have HEAVY doses of Ma Huang, so we have a speedy, productive congregation to work in the sweat shops. Throw in a couple vitamins, and maybe ginko, because people like the way it sounds.

Oh, and we are getting all the ingredients from China because they are cheap, not because we think Chinese herbal crap has any credibility. Except speed being good. We'll make it easy to cook the Red Drank out, so we can profit from non believers purchasing the product for the speed. If they aint with us, we'll rip em off anyway.

It only figures they're based in Queens. Nothing good ever happens there.

if you're talking a chemical based religion then you need jamesn to author that bible. trust.

christianity is a must and it should appeal to pervs and the shut in secular types. think jeremy steele carries ted kaczynskis baby.

^^^^^^^^Can't argue with that. Queens I mean, not Lou's post, but that aint bad either.

Jamesn is in on the mix, but we want ups, so we have plenty of happy rubes bouncing around to chat up converts.

The chemicals are secondary. We rope em in with hope in the form of God's word. We keep em with meth laced kool aid.

The only good thing that ever happened to me in Queens: I caught a foul ball at Shea. I was eight.

The Apocrypha of jamesn would sell millions.

Yeah, the pervs.... See that is where I'll have a tough time deducing a conclusion. No free love crap, that has been played out, plus, I don't want to be sharing pussy with the unwashed masses. And too many free love crazies get into kid touching. We don't need that JRV cat screwing up a good scam.

Jamesn: In charge of the Blood of Christ.
Steezo: He's our guy to design and build the Secret Lair of the Apostles. Only elite church leaders and elite whores allowed.
Panzer: Yeah he gonna be useful, he's going to do the purchasing from the EPA/FDA free Chinese supplement factories.

might this replace the Prayer of ST.Francis...?

There's guy on my FB list that I went to school with. He's totally obsessed with this end of the world preacher. Over the last week he's started like 100 threads about how evil this guy is. Total nutjob time. I finally emailed today and was like "seriously, guy. You need to let this go.".

PornWikiLeaks is an abomination.

It violates Deuteronomy 22:
Do not plow with an ox and a donkey yoked together.

As to those who reject Faith, it is the same to them whether you warn them or do not warn them. They will not believe.

And, there are some people who say, "We believe in God and the Last Day," and they are not at all believers.

They desire to deceive God and those who believe.
They deceive only themselves, and they do not perceive.

O Children of Israel!
Call to mind My favor which I bestowed on you and be faithful to your Covenant with Me, I will fulfill My Covenant with you.


From the Koran = "The Cow"

You got the job as front man Fatty. You do well public speaking? If you get stage fright, we'll get you a pair of RayBans with a picture of a twin inside each lens, so you think you are preaching to them. There will be perks involved, but we can save that for when we sit down and haggle out the contracts.

Someone needs to volunteer for research. We need to target cities of despair for the initial gathering of rubes converts. Get a list of the cities with the highest foreclosure and unemployment rates, then cross that list with suburbs filled with stupid rich kids, I'd go property values and SAT scores to come up with that one. I mean really the poor and desperate are just unpaid seat fillers so the potential whales think they are somewhere worth being.

And we got to work the anti Native American angle. Pick some locations a bus ride away from an Indian Casino so we can 25-50 loonies to get a protest going. First person to buy duty free cigarettes gets shunned.

I once riled all the old Jew delegates at the NYC-Central Labor Council, AFL-CIO, to turn on Harry Van Ardsdale's worthless son Tommy.

The only part of my best friend's wedding anyone can remember is my speech. I actually mailed 16 copies to people. The marriage is long over, but the talk of the speech continues.

Unlike my posting, my speeches are usually short, pointed, well rehearsed, rhythmic yarns sprinkled with poetic humor-coated barbs, building to a well-turned climax.

I incorporate an odd mix of influences = Malik El-Shabazz, Churchill, MLK, Lincoln and Hitler = into my style.

Just the man we need to rile a bunch of half wits into a Meth Drank fueled, Jesus frenzy so they have no idea what they are doing when the collection plate is passed.

I'm very good with the Bible as well. And, incorporating other texts as well. Tying in myths, etc. Most people who aren't too rigid and parochial about their own texts like that, actually.

The only books I'm not very good on are the Talmud and Kabbalah, which might seem odd for a Jew. But, that's in a large part because the Talmud cannot be studied or fully understood when examined outside a group setting. And, I don't have patience with group dynamics. And, I'm not into mysticism at all.

When I was younger and doing better mental healthwise, my best friend was on my case to cut ties, invent a Christian past, move to the rural midwest [like Iowa or Missouri] and establish my own church/denomination, pay no tax and have others support me while I underwrote their afterlife insurance. And, maybe have sex with all the wives like Jim Jones.

You don't get all the wives, you greedy bastard. You can have a harem of 5. If you pet one of them to death, then it goes down to 4, and so on. If you get down to none, Lou is gonna have to have a talk with you down by the creek.

Hmmm Mid west....Do Indians run the riverboat casinos.

I'm thinking Detroit is a target city. They got despair, suburbs, and casinos.

Then we hop down to Cleveland, and follow the rivers down to Nawlins. From there, across, through Mobile and enter the land of swampy ignorance through the pan handle. That place is filled with northeast ex-pats, itching to purchase absolution for their sins before their time comes.

While in Florida, we purchase warehouses and trailer parks for our congregation. We need to avoid doing that near the Scientologist towns. We won't be partaking in any Crusades, we are working towards profit, and unless we own a hospital, fights won't be profitable. Much like St. Patty drove the snakes from Ireland, St. Fatty will attempt to drive the Donkey out of our continent's flaccid tribute to Ryan Knox during our time there. Community service like that will endear us to the non believers.

Once our Floridian Colony is up and running, we charter some planes bound for Vegas. I'd say 10-15 High Priests and 40 serfs. We can skip the Texican states of the southwest, too crazy, too lazy, and too much desert. California is next, quick run up the state, then we fly to the Northeast for a media blitz. I know you've had dreams of being on the cover of Time, Fatty this will be your chance.

Along the way we set up indoctrination centers. We'll take a shot at the government and rent stores near military recruiters to garner more converts. I mean, yeah, there is like 1% of kids going there with a sense of serving their country. And yes, we have no chance with the ones that are gun nuts or have straight up blood lust. But, we should be able to sop up lots of the 80+% that are just seeking purpose or change or running from something.

Now you might be thinking that I left out the Great Plains states, and you would be wrong. Shit is way to spread out there. We need high volume to produce enough converts to sustain this endeavor. The Great Plains states are the ones that we cold call in order to get seed money. Back to my buying shares in Jesus scam. $475k should be enough to get the ball rolling. First 10k will be tough, but then we use that to set up a call center in India, and it should be easy from there. Little old ladies getting pimped Jesus by a hindu accent won't know what the fuck is going on, and reading off credit card numbers quicker than they can find their teeth when company drops by.