It was dark and I was alone. An air-conditioned chill was in the air. No food or drink. Lips dry and cracking. A numbness crept over my ass while the hours — both of them — ticked slowly by. Would I have to self-amputate my glutes in order to survive this ordeal? In my quest to see all 10 nominees for Best Picture, cheap Tuesday was dedicated to 127 HOURS.

I will give away the ending to this heroic tale by saying that I managed to survive. I dragged myself out of that theater under my own power wondering, like you, Am I a hero? Clearly, I am.

While I salute James Franco for his efforts, I nearly walked out when he was unable to find the power within to masturbate to the 36C tits of the young woman he videotaped. C’mon, Franco! Act like a man!! If I find myself on death’s doorstep, my arm trapped by a boulder, you better believe I am going to have one last happy ending.

In fact, I think I will go have one right now. I deserve it.

^^^^^ Priceless. I'm officially a fanboi of BI. With his Canadian good looks and ability to rub one out as he's sawing his arm off, he truly is an American hero.

A disarming drama indeed

I've been trumped! Well said. Fewer words, too.

I knew James back in '95 when he was still in Palo Alto-always thought his girlfriend was a closet freak.

brandon did you decorate the seat in front of you with your canuck cum?

No, I was able to wedge my arm out from under my boulder-like balls and return to the privacy of my home.

Just two weeks ago I had to inventory the contents of a recently abandoned mobilehome. I don't know why but they had collected opened and partially filled paint cans, lined up like a hedge maze. Added to this was trash up to my hip and strewn dead kittens. They owned no bed, apparently finding more value in freeing the space for their pillars of ancient newspapers, no, instead they nailed a blue tarp up in the corner and slept in it like a hammock.

Also, they made bathroom everywhere.

The job made me hate people, absolutely despise people. All the molested kids doing tricks to pay for their parents' habits, the people living in filth, the crime, the drugs... Higher frequency in poor areas, of course, but even in the nice parks, horrible shit happens. I have no faith in people. Right now go out on your front step and look to your left, look to your right, look across the street, and know that at least one of those neighbors is doing or has done something fucking awful, often monstrous.

One of my onsite managers is a meth head. She pretends to serve eviction notices to tenants, but sabotages them so I can't take her drug friends to court. She let some people living under an overpass move into the park office, and those people had a petty meth fight with her and then refused to leave the office, the police having shrugged their shoulders since if someone, anyone, wanders into a structure with four walls and a roof, they have rights of fucking tenancy, refused to kick them out, so I went to hash it out with these tweakers because the slum lord I worked for ordered me to.

Fucking RV people, goddamn nomadic criminal fucks. See an RV, slash its tires, that's my new rule. Every time you see an RV on the road, please know that the odds of its inhabitants selling drugs out of makeshift lab, and/or sexually abusing children inside is shockingly high. Try to force the RV off the road and set fire to it. In its ashes they will find proof of villainy and you'll be rewarded.

I had a park in Modesto, fucking armpit of California, where a 12-year-old girl was being passed around as currency. I called CPS and the police, what, how many times? And nothing was ever fucking done. Her brother ended up stabbing some people in the park. This is the park that had a drive through drug window with an open sign. When I removed the sign, the residents complained about touching their property without permission and since they're "homeowners" it had to be put back. Also the park where my manager shook the long hedge row of bushes and a few prostitutes broke free like frightened quail, two of them underage, leaving their johns apologizing in broken English.

One guy in another park killed his elderly father to collect the social security checks. He buried pop under a mound of trash in the home. We finally found him all stabbed and rotten.

Animal abuse, child rape, murder, neighbors fucking with each other. It's everywhere. All around you. Do NOT assume that your friends and acquaintances are innocent. People keep secrets.

I don't trust anyone. Don't trust anyone. I'm telling you. The world is a putrid fucking place. Buy a gun, learn how to use it, try to be a good person, and never let anyone hurt you. The world is just filth.