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#502959 - 01/14/11 05:42 AM
AVN 2011 Monkey Style
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 01/25/04
Posts: 8662
Loc: In a k1ng like state of medioc...
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 Not the best way to start, but Mr Pete is the most vile person I think i've ever seen. You know how some poor people can carry themselves in a way that gives them dignity in a way that far surpasses their bank balances, like gandhi, then there is people at the other end of the spectrum, mr pete is one of those guys who could have mark zuckerburgs bank account and still look and feel like a guy worth a nickle. I just don't like him and I have a fundamental issue with any women sleeping with him.  A large collection of alt girls with shitty tattoos, james deen in a pink target shirt, old school 3d glasses, pink fruity drinks and even with all that , the asian with the punchable face and shit eating grin flashing the peace sign is what annoys me most.  I looked at this picture for 3 minutes trying to work out what this guy is, greek italian but he has an asian opium den goatee and fucked up earlobes, and why is she licking his jacket while he looks off with great disinterest.  Good for evan for losing weight but the dude looks fucking weird, I mean does he have any business doing porn scenes looking like that, other then a role as bald, jew powerbottom vampire in this is not a gay twilight. I'm not sure if im ready to greenlight the idea that he traded up on lupe from tera either, even the mid 30's prescription pill weight gained, skin bleached version of tera is still pretty close to the current lupe, im leaning towards calling it an age pro lateral then an out and out trade up.  Thin lips, big teeth, shitty tatts, cruches and a god awful pleather red dress, yet she will still get 15 guys begging to fuck her as the night goes on.
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“Jesus said, hey baby, its all good" Wayne Lewis
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#502960 - 01/14/11 05:58 AM
Re: AVN 2011 Monkey Style
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 01/25/04
Posts: 8662
Loc: In a k1ng like state of medioc...
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 Flash foward 7 years, do you balding jewish accountant in the midst of a midlife crisis who left his wife and met the girl on the right at a strip club and has had a cash contingent relationship for 3 months prior to this shotgun wedding take crazy star face tattoo girl to be your lawfully wedded wife........  Sean Michaels, the Samuel L Jackson of porn, take that how you will.  Just in case the thin upperlip, rapidly aging face or the (brief) career in porn isn't enough to scare away future boyfriends.  If there is three people in a picture and two of the people in that picture are, Bree Olsen and Pauley Shore and you are the clear cut choice for person who screams I need attention, then you have a serious problem and these issues need to be resolved before you allow your picture to be taken again.  This is how I imagine daburg sees himself in the midst of an upper binge.
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“Jesus said, hey baby, its all good" Wayne Lewis
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#502963 - 01/14/11 08:22 PM
Re: AVN 2011 Monkey Style
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 01/25/04
Posts: 8662
Loc: In a k1ng like state of medioc...
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#502964 - 01/15/11 06:22 AM
Re: AVN 2011 Monkey Style
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 09/23/04
Posts: 10321
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Quote:
This is how I imagine daburg sees himself in the midst of an upper binge.
Literally a rolling party. He has a case of Bud Lime under his seat.
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#502966 - 01/16/11 07:15 AM
Re: AVN 2011 Monkey Style
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 01/25/04
Posts: 8662
Loc: In a k1ng like state of medioc...
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Literally a rolling party. He has a case of Bud Lime under his seat.
I wonder what his alone moments are like, returning to the empty hotel room after the avn's, hops off his scooter, lays down the purple suit on the couch next to the bed, struggles to pull off the cowboy boots, then falls lifelessly onto the bed and has that quiet few moments before you fall asleep.
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Good for evan for losing weight but the dude looks fucking weird, I mean does he have any business doing porn scenes looking like that, other then a role as bald, jew powerbottom vampire in this is not a gay twilight. I'm not sure if im ready to greenlight the idea that he traded up on lupe from tera either, even the mid 30's prescription pill weight gained, skin bleached version of tera is still pretty close to the current lupe, im leaning towards calling it an age pro lateral then an out and out trade up.
she's bulking up and he's thinning down. it must be a weightclass thing.
I couldnt imagine being in a relationship with her and im a pretty shallow person, but for anyone that has heard her on stern even being with her the time it takes to empty your balls would seem like too much time to spend with her.
_________________________
“Jesus said, hey baby, its all good" Wayne Lewis
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#502967 - 01/16/11 07:28 AM
Re: AVN 2011 Monkey Style
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 01/25/04
Posts: 8662
Loc: In a k1ng like state of medioc...
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 I really never got how people dug this girl, I mean she might be cute in the stop over in a small town diner kinda way, like you might leave a 15% tip if she smiles and provdes above average service, but to set aside time to jerk off to her seems to be asking too much.  I have never heard of this girl kayden kross before, and once you get past the fact she is as greasy as tito jackson shes a very attractive girl in the uppity princess way, which might work against her, she falls into that cat of girls you assume does girl girl only so no one gives half a fuck, except ben and 80% of the regs at adt.  Here is another good looking girl who has shitty tats and who projects the same enjoyment during her scenes as 80% of the cast members in an eli roth movie. I've seen three of her scenes, one she looked moderately bored and the other two if she was near a sharp object vegas wouldve taken betting options off the board that she would kill herself right then and there. .JPG) Alexis texas is major damaged goods, not in the bree olsen range but tier two, tier one damaged porn stars are for the likes of bree olson, that red headed audrey chick, christian x, annabel chong, jasmine st claire and kami andrews, alexis texas spearheads the second tier group.
_________________________
“Jesus said, hey baby, its all good" Wayne Lewis
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#502968 - 01/16/11 07:34 AM
Re: AVN 2011 Monkey Style
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 01/25/04
Posts: 8662
Loc: In a k1ng like state of medioc...
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.JPG) alexis ford aka heather starlet lite .JPG) Text book girl for the almost but not quite.  I think id pity fuck her, she has a nice way about her. I wouldnt feel good about myself, and I wouldnt tell anyone I know, but i think id do a pay it forward fuck.
_________________________
“Jesus said, hey baby, its all good" Wayne Lewis
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#502969 - 01/16/11 10:24 AM
Re: AVN 2011 Monkey Style
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 08/26/03
Posts: 8160
Loc: Roma, Repubblica Italiana
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Wiki on Kayden Kross" Quote:
In October 2008, Kross was charged with grand theft and violations of the California Civil Code involving contracts for purchases of home equity, allegedly conning a disabled veteran and his family.[10][11] In July 2009, the grand-theft charge was dismissed and the real-estate-fraud charge was reduced to a misdemeanor; Kross pleaded no contest to the resulting charges and was sentenced to one day in custody and three years of probation.[12] She blamed her involvement in the situation on her naivete and being scammed by the broker and mortgage lender.[13]
_________________________
 "All my years in p*rn didn't quite prepare me for childbirth. I mistakenly thought all the stretching I did would make this easier."
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#502972 - 01/16/11 01:58 PM
Re: AVN 2011 Monkey Style
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Registered Sex Offender
Registered: 07/09/06
Posts: 2362
Loc: St. Louis
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Quote:
Wiki on Kayden Kross"
Quote:
In October 2008, Kross was charged with grand theft and violations of the California Civil Code involving contracts for purchases of home equity, allegedly conning a disabled veteran and his family.[10][11] In July 2009, the grand-theft charge was dismissed and the real-estate-fraud charge was reduced to a misdemeanor; Kross pleaded no contest to the resulting charges and was sentenced to one day in custody and three years of probation.[12] She blamed her involvement in the situation on her naivete and being scammed by the broker and mortgage lender.[13]
Aren't Kayden and CXXX the best of pals? That pretty much says all you need to know about both of them.
_________________________
"Offer them what they secretly want and they of course immediately become panic-stricken."
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#502973 - 01/16/11 11:48 PM
Re: AVN 2011 Monkey Style
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Whoremaster
Registered: 06/16/07
Posts: 2512
Loc: Slumberland
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Quote:
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I really never got how people dug this girl, I mean she might be cute in the stop over in a small town diner kinda way, like you might leave a 15% tip if she smiles and provdes above average service, but to set aside time to jerk off to her seems to be asking too much.
I've always thought Sunny Lane was attractive,and fuckable,in a girl next door kind of way. But I've never really gone for the plastic fembot/vivid girl look so...
I know what you mean about the small town diner thing,though.
She also has a great ass and fucks like a champ. Her taste in clothes is classic trailer trash but what do you expect from someone who does porn with both hillbilly parents in tow?
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#502975 - 01/18/11 12:33 AM
Re: AVN 2011 Monkey Style
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 01/25/04
Posts: 8662
Loc: In a k1ng like state of medioc...
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Quote:
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I think id pity fuck her, she has a nice way about her. I wouldnt feel good about myself, and I wouldnt tell anyone I know, but i think id do a pay it forward fuck.
Funny thing is,she'd be 'paying it forward' to you.
And not in a good way.
If so i'll leave my fate in the hands of latex, you only live once.
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I've always thought Sunny Lane was attractive,and fuckable,in a girl next door kind of way. But I've never really gone for the plastic fembot/vivid girl look so...
I know what you mean about the small town diner thing,though.
Girl next door? Depends where you live I guess, understandable on the vivid girls call, but there are better looking naturals out there then sunny imo.
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Aren't Kayden and CXXX the best of pals? That pretty much says all you need to know about both of them.
It does? How so? I mean they are both bi and one dabbles in real estate fraud but im not sure how their friendship is enough to close the book on either or both of them.
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she looks kind of like me if i dropped a ton of weight and put on a retarded haircut wig.
<golf claps> post of the thread, where is the frankie black eye pic when you need it?
_________________________
“Jesus said, hey baby, its all good" Wayne Lewis
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#502976 - 01/18/11 09:39 AM
Re: AVN 2011 Monkey Style
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Demodded Diseased Dwarf
Porn Jesus
Registered: 04/18/03
Posts: 9174
Loc: Penalty Box
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Quote:
Quote:
I really never got how people dug this girl, I mean she might be cute in the stop over in a small town diner kinda way, like you might leave a 15% tip if she smiles and provdes above average service, but to set aside time to jerk off to her seems to be asking too much.
I've always thought Sunny Lane was attractive,and fuckable,in a girl next door kind of way. But I've never really gone for the plastic fembot/vivid girl look so...
I know what you mean about the small town diner thing,though.
To say something nice about Sunny, I can tell you she gives absolutely mind-blowing head. She goes above and beyond the call of duty and gives double suction: she sucks your cock on the way down and also on the way back up.
Sunny is a true giver.
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#502978 - 01/18/11 09:12 PM
Re: AVN 2011 Monkey Style
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 09/23/04
Posts: 10321
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Same Monkey, just doesn't give a shit anymore. Same as any of the rest of us who used to read his early stuff. It's a been there done that kind of thing. When the AVN show goes from an entire convention center to 2 banquet rooms in a hotel with the folding partition partially folded back it's just not the same.
I mean come on, there are no posers there with a Lamborghini, no Desi, no Luke Ford, and no Jenna. Hell for that matter no Ashley Blue or JM presence. It's hard to get worked up over that.
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#502979 - 01/19/11 08:26 PM
Re: AVN 2011 Monkey Style
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AC Cream Wannabe
Registered: 03/14/06
Posts: 589
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Quote:
She goes above and beyond the call of duty and gives double suction: she sucks your cock on the way down and also on the way back up.
Yeah, I have no doubt she threw up in her own mouth while blowing you, BI. Personally, I think she just sucks whether she's giving a blowjob or not.
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#502981 - 01/31/11 08:24 PM
Re: AVN 2011 Monkey Style
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 06/05/05
Posts: 4468
Loc: Great America
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#502982 - 02/01/11 04:59 PM
Re: AVN 2011 Monkey Style
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Pervert
Registered: 10/02/08
Posts: 2058
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Quote:
I couldnt imagine being in a relationship with her and im a pretty shallow person, but for anyone that has heard her on stern even being with her the time it takes to empty your balls would seem like too much time to spend with her.
"I close my eyes and she's twelve." --Evan Seinfeld
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#502984 - 02/05/11 12:16 AM
Re: AVN 2011 Monkey Style
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 04/17/04
Posts: 6005
Loc: travieso capital management an...
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if you were actually in a band that people know a song by, you'd presumably be able to do celeberity rehab or sell an autobiography or something other than living parasitically off some porn girl's hundred grand contract she'll lose in a year or so by pimping her out and getting yourself male talent fees by aggressively-inserting yourself as shitty talent but easier than dealing with the headache shooting tera will be otherwise.
she barely works, he's a remora living off 800-dollar checks maybe a few times a month now. biohazard was never cool, now that we know the lead's not in some shooting gallery overdosing but just lame and obviously got raped in the contract/money side of music while never being steven adler-retarded and really quite the ambitious little earner. guess yelling and being kind of like fugazi, just not good to the point anyone wanted to be biohazard's biggest fan. porn celebrity though, impressive stuff.
_________________________
"She has no waist, no arse...an interesting face...but all we are really worshipping is two bags of silicone"
Martin Amis "honoring" katie price with a character bearing some of her traits
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#502985 - 02/06/11 07:26 PM
Re: AVN 2011 Monkey Style
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Bukkake Boy
Registered: 04/01/07
Posts: 717
Loc: Off the mortal coil
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Quote:
if you were actually in a band that people know a song by, you'd presumably be able to do celeberity rehab or sell an autobiography or something other than living parasitically off some porn girl's hundred grand contract she'll lose in a year or so by pimping her out and getting yourself male talent fees by aggressively-inserting yourself as shitty talent but easier than dealing with the headache shooting tera will be otherwise.
she barely works, he's a remora living off 800-dollar checks maybe a few times a month now. biohazard was never cool, now that we know the lead's not in some shooting gallery overdosing but just lame and obviously got raped in the contract/money side of music while never being steven adler-retarded and really quite the ambitious little earner. guess yelling and being kind of like fugazi, just not good to the point anyone wanted to be biohazard's biggest fan. porn celebrity though, impressive stuff.
This post is fucking amazing.
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#502986 - 02/06/11 07:47 PM
Re: AVN 2011 Monkey Style
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 09/23/04
Posts: 10321
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No doubt. The remora reference alone, especially when coupled with 800 dollar checks, makes it.
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#502987 - 02/06/11 07:55 PM
Re: AVN 2011 Monkey Style
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@
Porn Jesus
Registered: 10/19/06
Posts: 9958
Loc: fortified
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its all gold. and someone was complaining?.
_________________________
i just lock, load, and regret. - jamesn
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#502988 - 02/09/11 06:20 PM
Re: AVN 2011 Monkey Style
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 04/17/04
Posts: 6005
Loc: travieso capital management an...
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Too kind.
_________________________
"She has no waist, no arse...an interesting face...but all we are really worshipping is two bags of silicone"
Martin Amis "honoring" katie price with a character bearing some of her traits
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#502989 - 02/09/11 10:23 PM
Re: AVN 2011 Monkey Style
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Max Hardcore Prison Bitch
Registered: 01/04/11
Posts: 183
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Quote:
Quote:
if you were actually in a band that people know a song by, you'd presumably be able to do celeberity rehab or sell an autobiography or something other than living parasitically off some porn girl's hundred grand contract she'll lose in a year or so by pimping her out and getting yourself male talent fees by aggressively-inserting yourself as shitty talent but easier than dealing with the headache shooting tera will be otherwise.
she barely works, he's a remora living off 800-dollar checks maybe a few times a month now. biohazard was never cool, now that we know the lead's not in some shooting gallery overdosing but just lame and obviously got raped in the contract/money side of music while never being steven adler-retarded and really quite the ambitious little earner. guess yelling and being kind of like fugazi, just not good to the point anyone wanted to be biohazard's biggest fan. porn celebrity though, impressive stuff.
This post is fucking amazing.
Only because it's so poorly written, with an aversion to sentence structure and punctuation that borders on manic.
_________________________
So, uh, what are trying to tell me here, little man, that you don't like Zep?
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#502990 - 02/09/11 10:28 PM
Re: AVN 2011 Monkey Style
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 09/23/04
Posts: 10321
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Not for the reasons you mentioned except for one... manic. It had to come out and it had to come out right then and it was probably blasted out in about 45 seconds. You have to shuck an oyster to find a pearl.
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#502991 - 02/10/11 09:45 AM
Re: AVN 2011 Monkey Style
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 04/17/04
Posts: 6005
Loc: travieso capital management an...
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I'm actually using dragon/nuances speech recognition software a lot these days. Once you get the hang of it admittedly it's hideously simple to fire maybe excessive volume out and I'm not one to look back before submitting things
_________________________
"She has no waist, no arse...an interesting face...but all we are really worshipping is two bags of silicone"
Martin Amis "honoring" katie price with a character bearing some of her traits
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#502992 - 02/10/11 09:54 PM
Re: AVN 2011 Monkey Style
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Pervert
Registered: 10/02/08
Posts: 2058
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Quote:
Only because it's so poorly written, with an aversion to sentence structure and punctuation that borders on manic.
how you know its time for tony to pull the plug: a nobody babbling like that prehistoric chick in quest for fire that james step up his punctuation game while fonzie eats sharkfin soup in the corner.
a year or two ago you might've still had a J.B. bothering to link newcomers to a thread with one of the greats opening up big game like a jill kelly & co, fayner or keith o'connor where within two to three pages they were hanging upside-down, gutted and their blood drained.
now, well.. in the words of one adolf hitler as he very delicately padded his mouth with a napkin and stood up from his last meal: "I guess this is it then."
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#502993 - 02/10/11 11:47 PM
Re: AVN 2011 Monkey Style
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 01/30/08
Posts: 7599
Loc: a site known for its tolerance...
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thanks for linking to what i have called the greatest xpt thread of all time. I had a rough day....
_________________________
"I'll never forget the moment during the lovely Alyssa Allure's scene in 'American Bukkake' where the fellow got out of his wheel chair to ejaculate on her face. It was grotesque but had a certain frisson." -Sock
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#502995 - 02/11/11 05:28 AM
Re: AVN 2011 Monkey Style
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Anonymous
Unregistered
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Quote:
a year or two ago you might've still had a J.B. bothering to link newcomers to a thread with one of the greats opening up big game like a jill kelly & co, fayner or keith o'connor where within two to three pages they were hanging upside-down, gutted and their blood drained.
Thanks for covering that, Mark. I've been a bit busy lately working on that demolition job. I will highlight that link, though, as I'm certain the newb is still too enthralled by his "awesome" avatar to pay close attention.
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#502996 - 02/11/11 02:35 PM
Re: AVN 2011 Monkey Style
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 08/09/06
Posts: 9113
Loc: red dirt state of mind
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I prefer the Jill Kelly Productions fire thread myself.
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#502999 - 02/15/11 02:59 PM
Re: AVN 2011 Monkey Style
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 09/01/08
Posts: 9782
Loc: Hillbilly Holler
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Where da fuck you been ?
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I may not know arse but I know what I like !
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did jewfield really say that? 
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