Totally written on a phone, spit out, totally riffing here jackson Pollock style and i'm just gonna go with it. sometimes i use we and you interchangably; sometimes not. i didnt edit. but i'm sure you can fig out.

Fiend posted earlier about a tech glitch on the board and how he found it interesting but others may not. No hate for those who are amused by such slight details of randomness, but it amused me as well. Weird since I'm not a tech person or even a DIY-er.

But nah, it IS fascinating. I just feel bad I wasn't around to help and malice was prolly off at crate n barrel buying a lamp for his den of racism. Hi, Tritone!

i've seen some weird tech glitches here which shortly fixed themselves, but they still fascinate me. what;s up with when it indicates there's still 1 or ANY unread posts threads which should be NOT in bold because you were logged in and just read its latest post; thus the complete thread by default in computer infrastructure speak.

and worse, you're gone for a month plus and even the shit you KNOW you read comes up all bolded, so you think, 'great! new posts on a jamesn thread...woot!!' ONLY for the let down that it's the same shit as before and just a glitch.

wastes valuable read time for you ppl in your day where xpt time is precious and few.

hope no one sees the hilary scott vag yeast pic you didn't know, after 3 years of nothing, would resurface on a usually safe-for-general public thread too boring for an xpt outsider and no crazy pics to grab unwanted attention interrupting just sitting in peace as lou cypher pwns a bitch per usual. cool- totally safe; i can read in peace without attrcating unwanted onlookers or judgement. or shrieks or write-ups.

fuckin' non-xpt'ers. they couldn't handle our crew anyway even if they're cool at the water cooler and talk d.loading porn all cavalier like we're supposed to be impressed or even scared cuz they watched something as kinky as anal sex. POSERS. We amassed a huuuge porn collection before free porn existed and didn't waste our wad on just g/g. moreover, we recognized at first read, this shit ain't about porn anyway.

"My dear XPT, you had me at why?! why?! why?!"

xoxoxo to that.

only superior intellect with an mfa in schadenfreund, misanthropy, merry pranksterism, and vast message board community experience would only 'get' us, and that's still after much lurking. the key here is character study. porn is just the fluffernut which originally bound us together due to an evil deity and ADT expat named Jeff Steward. See, ADT begat XPT like when Lucifer got voted outta Heaven and he took his fallen angelness to create Hell. Yo JB or Fatman, correct this Athiest if she's wrong. My parents thought education was more important than religion and they thought religion was like mythology but fuck yeah we had the most bad ass Christmas display on the block every year and i jizz in my pants for Fall, Winter, and Christmas.

Moving on, no offense to ADT. They have their own style and admin Steph has her reasons for finding Jeffy to rogue for them. Bottom line: Jeffy made the best of the situation and created his own board. His way. A censorship-free board where we're free to agree or disagree. Unfortunately, sometimes things get racist or anti-sem, anti-Muslim, or classist but that's the downside of free speech, so deal with it or talk shit back if you're offended. Or leave. You're also FREE to leave. We won't judge when you come crying back because underneath it all, we're fucking THAT awesome or either that, you tried the Martha Stewart board and got made board bitch there, too. See, with freedom, there's danger: however, it's human nature for people to end up naturally governing themselves, regardless if it's a message board or in real life. Anyone piping up about anarchy needs to read a fucking book. I bet Sasha Grey already signed it for you. She's real like that and cordial, actually.
Bonus pts if it's the anarchist cookbook and you burn your never washed Crass jacket trying to make a homemade bomb. Circle A. you eat at Circle K.

Now LADIES, about Sasha Grey since you think you're too savvy to worship Jenna. Or you're just from a younger generation....99% of you hopefuls won't be the next Sasha Grey either. There's only one Sasha Grey and there's only one you. Why take that gamble? Do porn because it feels fast, reckless, sexy, whatever, or admit the TRUTH that you ALSO LOVE porn's easy life and EASY CASH that accompanies this line of work. Until you're shot out, that is. Everyone gets shot out no matter how pretty they are. Unless you're Sasha, Jenna, etc but an outlier 0.00001% is an exception, not an example. But if you're not delusional, you'll have left before then anyway. Hey, another great reason for TRUTH brought to you by the letters X-P-T. It keeps you NON-DELUSIONAL. I'm here to help. I'm a people person at heart though I'm reserved in public. Personally, doing porn was a great experience; it felt punk rock at times, it felt screwed up in a good way, I traveled on someone else's dime. It was a great time for porn. Circa 2003-06 was straight up money, spent like it'd never end. The internet was still the Wild Wild West and you could make a mint with even a shoddy half-assed website. Porn companies sprung up from nowhere. Hence always avail work combined with it still a tad socially unacceptable to be a porn performer created the my dream formula of much work + not so many chicks = thank you for funding my mortgage, savings account, and my Barneys New York addiction. I'd mainline the women's section if their fashion week gift bags contained the proper gauge needles. I admit, I took sick advantage of that time period which I rightly suspected was fleeting. To celebrate this unlikely, totally obtainable heaven where my 5 hour work day ended with either shopping/lunching L.A. or watching 90210 re-runs, l quit porn before it got boring. I loved being a professional fuck star as much as the non-work time it granted me to be a professional fuck up! Because I liked porn that much, I wanted the honor of always being amused, entertained, amazed, sometimes disgusted, and admittedly worshipped on a small, shallow scale. I lived for novelty then. For me, boring always created resentment. The Veni Vidi Vici approach and saving your money always feels sexy and rock star. Trust.


Some people are very protective as to not burst the shiny happy porn people bubble certain adult industry folk and fans alike reside. Sometimes, it's as delusional as Celebration, Florida. Yes, that's a real town made by Disney and as veneered with a forced perma-grin as it sounds. Don't wear an Anal Cunt World Tour t-shirt there. Long story.

The latter I feel is a service to all porn girl hopefuls in Iowa reading Jenna Jameson's book and not realizing Jenna's fame was a beautiful fluke not just dependent upon her looks and popularity, but because it was a different era in porn, a different time in the world. There will never will another Jenna. Just another there will never be another you. May that be 6 months or 6 years before your star fades. That doesn't always depend on you no matter how gorgeous you are and how great your scenes. It's the truth some ppl are too afraid to say for fear they'll hurt your feelings and you'll stop being their fan just as they're a fan of yours. Don't worry. true fans love you when you're you. notice that's different and actually more valuable than unconditional love. we'll broach that another essay.

Praise Mr. Steward and his main man Tony Malice on taking initiative and changing the face of porn gossip, social graces, and message board antics all due to NOT hate...but TRUTH. They wanted a board where unabashed truth and expression could run free. raw fucking truth. truth about porn, truth about the lives in porn, truth about the humanity in porn, truth about the manipulation in porn, truth about the fans' true desires...and with all that comes the xpt posters who ARE the judges of truth yet fair enough to decide case-by-case scenario with sometimes wiggle room for benefit of the doubt even if WHORE'S LIE.. XPT is open to being proven wrong. they're open to be proven surprised at any life experience stereotype dying to be shattered yet will call you on your shit mercilessly (sometimes cuz we care and it's tough love, sometimes it's hazing of the whores aka internet darwinism mixed with hope that one will 'get us.' not because we're fanbois even if she's our object du jizz but because we have mad respect for a girl who's hot AND can hang as an equal with enough precision to know when it's bait to test your wit (not strength. that's a misnomer. any loser can be tenacious. fuck that shit) or just some troll we wish would die because he's not smart enough to be funny, let alone mean. good trolls are different. you won't know they hit you until lyou're backtracking in your head like a bad past relationship like wtf just happened. but thank god, you discovered the edit button in time. but don't worry; on all boards there are very few trolls that masterful, and no, i'm not giving you a heads up. ladies, it behooves you to self-realize this. And when you, a chick can hang here and 'gets' this place- you've unlocked the communication rubicon between venus and mars or at least swindled more fans for your Amazon wishlist. Win/win either way.

No trying to counter this by pointing out on that I'm single usually. do as i say, not as i do.

Back to EVERYONE, NOT JUST THE LADIES: If you suck or are caught back peddling out of your lie, we will never let you hear the end of it.

a) because it's been proved as true through a series of verbal dead poet's society style proofs
or b) no reason; we're sick of some bitch lying about how she's a Harvard grad but traded the rare, coveted gateway to riches/success for a porn career 'BECAUSE YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND I AM SOOOO HORNY; THUS MY SCENES ARE THAT STROKEWORHTY CUZ I'M SO REAL UNLIKE THOSE OTHER PORN STARS'
3) a poster is so idiotic they're born victims. (search 'herd is hungry.' image tags
4) they're alex panzer.

great, meanwhile, there's a mob incited by the cubicle next door now surrounding your puter screen and it's forced show and tell time. you're the unwilling mc forced to say something- anything. choose. hurry! make it funny if you're grasping for straws and don't feel justifying yourself to an uninvited crowd. but hurry! they're waiting. oh, and lest i remind you you have to face these people daily and your 90 days hasn't even kicked in yet for insurance. it's a delicate line. more delicate than trying to out monkey smelly monkey for he will cut a bitch. with his words are poetic slices from expensive rare german or japanese blades appearing as thin/harmless as paper and bitch knows your game in reverse; meaning you're already starting off in the neg even if your strategy is to own your shit like cxxx. you know, call yourself out first to gain ownership of what most will prolly perceive as folly rather they're wrong because you LOVE and defend your love for (fill in the blank. cxxx has done it all) or it's your pre-game self-defense move. either way works fine. just remember your reason because keeping track of your lies is manipulation 101. it's chess. it hurts my head; hence why i'm too lazy to lie.

ok, whoa, work neighbors gather round and we haven't even gotten to the fact that it's a PORN board and that there ARE porn message boards in existence. the kicker is that the usually inevitable porn part is looming in the ghost of office inappropriateness future is thank god the least of your worries when they're all still stuck on what the fuck is some chick's yeasty snatch on there and little do they know, it's actually less contextual since it's not even in in the yeasty snatch thread. or naked gimps. or the gif where brandon and ryan have a conversation, or pxp your ride. or most loopnode threads. desi should be happy to know her posts won't make the office gossip rounds since most ppl will confuse huge blocks of text with office related stuff and hurriedly skip over it, no matter how salacious pimping your daughter sounds.

now do tell, any office embarrassments or having to defend xpt stories from you all? would love to know. if not, i gave you plenty of pointers on why xpt is so fucking awesome. even when it's boring, it's core, it's intention is everything i poured out on my laptop from the comfort of my 1,000 thread count sheets. i know my shit. i defend this joint no matter how long a break, and any haters can go suck it.

xpt forever. my home. however dysfunctional it may be.