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Fiend: Please study Fuk Yo Mama's work. Crisp. Concise. Economy of words. Same message yet much more cutting than yours. Try again, please.
I'll take that as a yes. Now then, do you avoid elevators because you are at ground zero for the passing of gas?
A definite improvement but I would caution you about "ground zero" references paired with elevators. Throws the reader off to World Trade Center and 9/11.
Sorry, dog, but it didn't work for me. You are more American Idiot than American Idol in the comedy game and that joke was a dookie.
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