You want out? Bad news: There is no "out", friend.

My guess is a retiree who wants to live like a carefree pauper needs about US$800,000 in assets and a plan to live only about 10 years. I'm 41 and have $800,000 in assets now. Unfortunately 75% of that is real estate owned free and clear, and I have an expectation of asset deflation. By the time I'm 50 my plan is for $2 million or thereabouts, but then I do plan to keep working till I'm 70 at which time I might be worth $5 or $6 million.

Maybe I'll start up a chain of Taco Bells or something like that. You need about a million liquid to make that move.

My fear is I'll be wrinkly and smell funny (funnier) by my retirement age of 70, which will put a limit on how many 18 year-olds' asses I can fuck. Not only because they'll find me even more gross than I am at 41, but also because the Admiral's wang is already showing signs of not operating with the same pneumatic vigor it had at 35.

Frankly, when I'm 70 I hope I can be hooked up with a horny, gape-friendly 45- to 50 year-old woman as hot as Persia Monir looks these days (She's 51? Wow), and a prescription plan for Vitamin V or whatever the miracle boner pill is by then. Maybe Miss Gia Jerkins could be my partner in crime. Although we're close in age I get the sense that as a grandmotherly lady she'll still be up to phone in a young wench to lap at her wrinkly, greyed snatch while the Admiral flogs away uselessly.

My fear is that the Obama years will fuck America so thoroughly that my $5 million buys a few lattes at Starbucks. On the other hand, though, if that comes to pass then a young whore will probably do anything for a bag of potatoes.