I have paid zero attention the rollercoaster of porn [or the Jeff Mullen Show, as we now call it] for the last 18 months. I need edutaining.

Please list this week's top whores and bottom feeders for me. Seriously. I don't know who any of them are anymore. You turn your back for two months, and the whores you knew are dead/retired/addicted/rehabbed/dead/outofretirement/shotout. Turn your back for like 18 and holy fuck, I have no clue. And really? Do I want to look at Ben English's ex-wives pages. Sorry, Derrrrrrikcckcs model site to work it out? No. Not when I can ask a bunch of socially retarded snatch wattles like you people.

Assistance from those in the know is required if I am to turn my laser-like hatred on these people. Oh, and whatever happened to... no, never mind.