Quote:

What the fuck is wrong with you?


it's simple, really. you retired after six years as a stunt cock. and your ex-wife, god rest her soul, took her alcoholism and tourette’s syndrome with her to the grave. finally gypsy grew up and moved out- and let's face it, for you she was that satisfaction of smooshing a crying kid's face into a birthday cake again and again and again.

over the previous decades, your body had built up certain chemical defenses to all that irritation. now that sources of that aggravation have disappeared, your system is imbalanced, perpetually keyed up for stress that never comes. no wonder that instead of calming you down, your new lifestyle has left you feeling listless and depressed. it may even account for your recent sexual dysfunction.

the answer is simple: begin drinking heavily, and i don't mean in that charin sort of a way where you're wandering the produce aisle naked. then go out and find the nearest cop and take the wildest swing you can muster. this will reintroduce some much needed tension and adversity back into your life. i feel that it's needed right now.