about 10 minutes ago

T=telemarketer
m=me

t "hello is the owner of the house there"

m "yeah thats me"

t "okay great we're doing a demonstration and basically we're looking to do a trade where if you allow us to have our name displayed in your home we'll let you have free of our home improvement product, may i ask how long youv'e lived at the house?"

m "8 years"
t " and how old is the home?"
m " 8 years, it was a new home"
t "okay, and is it in good condition have you painted the out side?"

m " well, yeah I think it's in good condition, we did have the freak hailstorm that knocked holes in the walls, but once we got the tiles on the roof back on it was okay"

t" okay great,blah blah blah we'd like to demonstrate our product at or 8 blah blah blha"

m "so what kind of product is it?"

t" it's vinyl or metal siding. blah blah"

M" now are you based out of ******?"

T" we're actually based out of the mid west, you're in the salt lake area right"

m"no we're actually in ******* it's technically not part of the state anymore, you may have heard on the news the mayor declared this city it's own defacto government"

T"oh my gosh, wow I hadn't heard that, is everything okay"

m"well, it's going okay so far, there is rumor of us losing our water supply and the on going stand off, they may actually send in the national guard but we're getting by"

T"oh wow, oh wow, I hope everything goes okay. blah blah blah"

m" so let me ask you, is it recycled material for the vinyl?"

t" let me find out.......it's actually new raw vinyl"

m" okay because I have to let you know we do not support recycling in this household we consider that a political ploy"

t" oh, no no no, it's not recycled."

m "so let me ask you, I need to know where the ore for the steel siding is from, you said it was steal or aluminum?"

t" I actually don't know, the sales rep could give you all that information"

M "because I have to let you know now, we do not support any steel that comes from Algeria, we only support Chinese or Belize"

T"I really don't know the sales rep would know, can we set up a thursday demonstration for 6 or 8?"

M"that's no good, I have my felony hearing on that day"

T" oh how about friday,"

M" friday is actually not good, I actually had my left arm amputated"

T"oh no I'm sorry"

M" well it's not your fault, I lost it in the stand of, I actually have to go have the special ointment applied so it doesn't get infected and the scar heals properly. Now to let you know, you need to speak to the actual owner of the house"

T" well, yes are you mr *******?"

M" well yes, technically it's ********* senior that is the owner of the house, I take care of all the affairs, he is rather old and has dementia, there's actually 3 of us and the name is a family name technically I'm the 5th"

T" well,I've already explained to you everything you would need to know.."

M"well if you have to speak to him directly because he is the home owner, I can get him on, like i said he's very demented and hard to understand, he's technically the lease owner, maybe not for long as we'll send him to the home soon, I can get him on the line if you need to talk to him, we just gave him his apple mush"

T" well, if you think he'll understand me..."

M"okay let me get him hang on.......(dad!, yeah dad! yes there's someone on the line about aluminum siding,,yeah ,yeah yes dad, calm down..yes it's not recycled dad,...no..dad!...no dad calm down!..no. da...no we talked about it,...no it's not algerian ste....IT'S NOT ALGERIAN STEEL!! yes,,...dad..just calm down...okay dad come on."

M "hello, are you still there?"
T" yes I am"
M"okay, hang on here he is....alhaspashdWEHRLWHHh"

T"hello, can you hear me?"

M"ashououhahsadj aluminusiding..oaroah"

T"hello?"

M"yeouafhnasdfaoehs"

T"are you messing with me"

At this point I lost my nerve and hung up. I couldn't believe how long he stayed on the phone with me.

Yeah I know, nobody is reading any of that.

I think I would make a FUCKING AMAZING Telemarketer.


Carry on...

Quote:

---

M"that's no good, I have my felony hearing on that day"

T" oh how about friday,

---

That was great!!


Since I'm on the "no call" list, the only people I get to harass are Charities and collection people for the guy who had the number before the cable company gave it to me in July.

I tell charities that I won't fight diseases since people have to die of something [sometimes really pisses them off].

And, I offer collection people information on the previous holder of my current number for an outrageous fee.

My father insists on talking to someone who speaks English and insists that the person talking to him DOES NOT speak English.

That was good. But this is better. Enjoy.