'Ol Harvey gets a lot of the same questions repeated over. So I'll lay it all out this once and once only. Now I've mentioned my extended vacation courtesy of The People of the State of California. And much like the A-Team (respect) Old Harvey went down on crimes he straight up didn't commit. None that I can remember is all.

Back on the outside now and things ain't all that different. 9/11 gave a lot of you folks your first dose of fight or flight, but see I live by that shit. I wake up to it. And so does Skullfucker 2. BTW, he is a she, and she just gave birth to a litter of stone fucking killers, so if you want a pet hamster for the kids OR the pit fighting circuit, let me know. I'll even file the teeth for you as a fucking token. Straight up razors Harvey style.

Why am I here, two words. Franchise Opportunities. If you think you got what it takes then take a seat at the table. Otherwise step off. No rats and no smokers please. So that's it for now, I got this prom-queen cunt waiting in the basement. She should be hungry enough by now. I'll take y'all out with the family photos.

-H

My old partner, hair-lip Tommy



Artist rendering of yours fucking truly



Skullfucker 2



My parole officer



My ride



My brother Rick



My old lady up in Margrave



The parents



Old halfway house



Straight up can't remember. Why it's special. Bout a beautiful fuckin thing.



That's all she wrote brother.

Category: Romance and Relationships

Old Harvey is fucking be-smitten. Straight up cupid in the air. Of course I'm talkin about the gash two doors down. Tammy. Been admirin' a pretty thing just about a while. And while it's not the mating season just yet, what the fuck I can roll with it.

Now you probably figure Harvey is up on all the latest courtship maneuvers, well I guess I'm just more fond of the old ways. Courtship takes time if you want to do it right. A girl's gotta know that you are interested in HER. This is where the prep work comes in. Six weeks of her trash has been very helpful. By the way, NEVER take Bunker with you on a trash run, that fucker ain't hooked up right. Anyway, I learned the following:

1. She menstruates on the third week of any given lunar cycle. Moderate to heavy on the first day.
2. Woman likes her vodka. Particularly Sav-On charcoal filtered. Her favorite mix is diet-coke in the large cups from Del-Taco.

Now, Vodka and menstruation, I'm thinking bloody marys, you?

She caught me on the last run. The great thing is she didn't run, just kept standing there screaming and trying to hit me with her keys. She's got spunk, I'll give her that. I always like the ones that piss standing up anyway. We'll see.

-H

P.S. check out the instrument panel on this bird. Straight up game changers. And when you stop and think, you know, that that's her whole identity. Maybe it's sad in a way. Heh. No, not really.

There's a girl here named Electrostatic. She has a Ted Bundy fetish. I think she's turned on by criminals. You might want to introduce yourself. Perhaps if it's a match, I can hook War Machine up with her bff and y'all can double date.

He doesn't seem the double date type.
Double homicide, yes.
The parole officer shit was great btw. Ohh and your brother, he seems like a real flamer. good call.

Quote:

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Bartles & James, they thank you for your support.

Whats the deal with the Dragon Ball Cosplay of Master Roshi as an avatar???

I'll be darned..You seem like a likeable little fella...


Just to make small talk...You gonna flambe Tammy too when you're all done with her...Or do you have "other" plans for the old Tamster..??

I'm curious about your disposal methods...

Please keep us posted Harv on whats going on in your everyday life..

Your friend Richard..

Quote:

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He doesn't seem the double date type.
Double homicide, yes.

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Date/Homicide. ToMAYto/ToMAHto.

Back to the Bundy thing.. gotcha.

Skullfucker 2 can find a home for one of her pups at my house. I have an extra tank.

Lou, now it all makes sense. Now I understand why I always got wood watching Ed Powers hair Pie movies

Hey Hulk,

I'm still thinking of you,,,America goes to shit,,We have a black president now,, and he's also a muslim......



I scanned a crappy plastic camera pic with us


You're missing nothing outside,,, i hope that fills you inside.. Stay strong......

-- #3120309

PS: what's on your iTunes playlist at the moment??

Gia said:

Quote:

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There's a girl here named Electrostatic. She has a Ted Bundy fetish. I think she's turned on by criminals. You might want to introduce yourself. Perhaps if it's a match, I can hook War Machine up with her bff and y'all can double date.

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No, the Bundy thing is all about his brains, looks, and charm. Not the crimes he committed. I have terrible self-esteem, so I'll automatically bone anybody, that doesn't mean I'd date them. I only have and will date guys who look like they should be on Jersey Shore.

So you're saying Harvey couldn't get you hot?.

Who cares... I'm probably not his type anyway. He seems to only be in to smokin' hot girls.





You think olewasshisname is gentleman enough to light a girls cigarette? Cause, I'm in to that...

CATEGORY: Drugs and musicians

The following has fuck-all to do with any situation or the rest of this thread -- simply a sidebar notion I've had for a while but never seen a fit place to air before this & you probably ought to skip it.

Let's talk about drugs and musicians. Miles Davis grew the fuck up and beat it. Astute and accurate to an extent ... but when you start drifting off the comedy thing and into music, well, it's not just the habit that gets beat. Fact is, despite the warm fuzzy inspirational rush at the end every VH-1 12-step success story, I always find myself confronting a sad corollary truth: I can't name a single musical figure whose post-rehab output shows a fraction of the vision and fire of work rendered in the peak of addiction.

Examples:

Miles on smack = Kind of Blue, Sketches of Spain
Miles off smack = Human Nature, Time After Time
Clapton on junk = Layla & Other Assorted Love Songs
Clapton off junk = Layla unplugged
Keith Richards on H = Sticky Fingers, Exile on Main Street
Keith Richards off H = Voodoo Lounge, A Bigger Bang
Ray Charles on skag = What'd I Say, Unchain My Heart
Ray Charles off skag = Baby Grand, You Got the Right One Baby
Aerosmith on cheeba = Dream On, Sweet Emotion, Walk This Way
Aerosmith off cheeba = Love in an Elevator, Dude Looks Like a Lady
James Taylor on horse = Fire and Rain, Carolina in My Mind
James Taylor off horse = Hourglass, October Road

Plug in your own favorite examples for china white, tha boy, et al. And PLEASE NOTE that I am not suggesting any of the above-named parties should have continued with their deadly addictions just for the sake of my delicate ears, because a) if the rush of addiction wears on long enough to eventually devolve down to singleminded obsessive humdrum habit, musical technique & inspiration likewise tend to deteriorate accordingly; and b) any asshole can easily make a list 10 times this length of artists whose post-addiction work doesn't exist for comparison because they fucking died. Not to mention all those who never developed habits in the first place.

And I certainly ain't saying the artists' latter work totally sucks balls in any of the above instances (except Clapton) -- some of their sober stuff is actually even pretty good. I'm just saying there's no way to deny the magic always takes an asswhipping somewhere between the befores and the afters.

Scott Weiland on the horse-Dead and Bloated
Scott Weiland sans the horse-Missing Cleveland

Da Burg on the horse = existential threads about Keri Sable in Cumfart Cocktails 4 and the meaning of life.

Da Burg off the horse = Atlantic City.

Fiend rattled:

Quote:

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Whats the deal with the Dragon Ball Cosplay of Master Roshi as an avatar???

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Tell you what partner. Enter "Hell" into your GPS. Thank you and have a very pleasant evening.

CATEGORY: Birthdays and Anniversaries

Last week I'll tell you what i got my old lady for her birthday, I got her the gardening clogs and I got her forty feet of garden hose and she was wet for three days. Sheila is a specimen in her "sophisticated late thirties," a single mother with more issues than a comic book store and the classic cougar-esque body that includes state of the art double B breasts and a hairstyle like one of those mid-neck dutchboy numbers, which is fine, you know, but I will motion her toward one of the wigs now and again.

Sheila in her natural habitat, folks. Just disgraceful enough (let's keep it that way). You never want to be so arrogant as to let this stuff decay into madness. Granted, is it always a good idea to tell women "you look nice?" When does the lying end? Yes and no, mostly no except under these circumstances:

CATEGORY: "The Definition Of A C-U-N-.....Apparently I'm Not Allowed....A C-Word. How's That?"

Do you know what is in that picture down there? You don't? That's called a c-u-....It's called a you know what. It's called a c-word, is what it's called. It's also my girlfriend’s mother, Debbie Denton.

“Oh, Jesus.”


I moved in with her daughter Sheila when Sheila had just divorced. She was 36. Not 17. Not 16. She was 36 and the last I checked that's legal in the sovereign state of California so that thing in the picture can shut the clean-out under it's nose. But it doesn't. Let me tell you what a cun....God, I wish I could say it. Let me tell you what a c-u-n-(and the next letter rhymes with "P") is. It's a woman that starts a problem when no problem needed to be started. When everything was fine, nice and calm, it walked into the house and gave you that look. When everyone was getting along, it decided it would open old wounds. See, the C thinks it's 'clearing up old business," "getting to it," "not hiding from the truth." But a C never does get to the truth.

Under the guise of wanting to get to the truth the C just wants to see you bleed from the eyes again. It wants to go over and over and over the night...oh I don't know...let's say the night It’s daughter lay passed out nude exposing a usable orifice or two to The Worst Man In The World, the guy It calls "Perv" because that word helps make it laugh and keeps the muscles in its face from atrophy, grabbed Sheila from the couch and took off.

About 20 minutes later, when it was driving away with Sheila and the long suffering, stooped and beaten chew-toy it calls a husband, It calls me. “Real class act” it snarls. Hangs up.

Ever since that night, I've had to listen to it. Typical night. Phone rings. Me: "Hello" The C: "Oh, hi Perv. Can I talk to OFS?" "OFS" stands for "operation: field slut." So, I'm a pervert but It's own daughter is a field slut because it married...and then met me. There's a 23 year age difference. So what? What if I was laying it to the C instead? She's closer to my age. Why not? Well, I would have but Debbie, instead of being OFS is OTF and that interferes with setting up OPT. There, try figuring that out Deb. Thou wouldst eat thy dead vomit up, And howl'st to find it.

Glossary
OTF--Operation: Trucked Face
OPT--Operation: Poontang

CATEGORY: Back 2 School Tips:

1. Pencil = shiv.

2. Piano wire = shoelace. While old fashioned, piano wire is a great weapon of choice and extremely cathartic.

3. Padlock tied to shoelace = effective.

4. Anthrax & chalk dust look the same

5. Know when to ask out the sweet feathery gash in chem = http://flojuggler.com

CATEGORY: The Environment... fucked sideways by The Environmentalist



Do you like this picture? If you do, you are as sick as one of those things that needed to be shot in the head in Night of the Living Dead.

As you can see, the sick and perverted owners of a wildlife refuge in South Africa (where apartheid reigned for decades by the way) have decided to debase nature a further step to the sewer. As you all know, lions and meerkats are natural enemies. More to the point, the meerkat is a food source for the lion. And this is as nature intended it. But the fascist scum of the South African wildlife/commercial complex would rather degrade nature, hasten our planets decay and ultimately leave the earth a dying freakish side-show God himself wouldn't recognize than allow this lion cub to very naturally and normally devour the meerkat that seems to think it has nothing to worry about. The dirt that owns the haven this cub and meerkat find themselves in probably think they're all about animal rights and protecting the environment.

Not even close, you funny-talking Dutch-English hybrid bitches. In a world that was right-side-up the meerkat would have been dead for hours by my tabulation. Dead, ingested, digested and crapped. But in this sick and malodorous environment the meerkat lives, the lion cub sleeps, ignorant scum in caravans get their cutesy-poo pictures and our world dies a little bit more.

The idiot must awake. It is he that provides the support these parasites must have in order to feed on yet more and more living tissue. The idiot that takes pictures of otters holding hands (an otter can and will tear your face off). It is he that takes pictures of the sea lions cavorting on the beach (a sea lion has teeth that will go completely through your arm) And it is he that walks up to cute raccoons foraging through garbage cans (a raccoon will claw your eyes out without breaking a sweat). Idiot, awaken. Awaken to the so-called animal rights activists that tell you inside every animal is a human screaming to get out.

May they keep tigers and other wild cats in their "backyard enclosures" and one day meet their end there when they run out of hamburger ...Thank you and have a very pleasant and enriching day.

This editorial opinion has been provided by Fuck Cute, a not-for-profit dedicated to seeing real environmentalism through to victory, even if it means little cute animals get torn apart before the eyes of children and enfeebled seniors. Ever seen a cute white polar bear with bright red blood all over it's teeth and face on account of just ripping the blowhole out of a whale so the giant beast will suffocate slowly while the bear eats it alive? Very efficient.