Category: Romance and Relationships

Old Harvey is fucking be-smitten. Straight up cupid in the air. Of course I'm talkin about the gash two doors down. Tammy. Been admirin' a pretty thing just about a while. And while it's not the mating season just yet, what the fuck I can roll with it.

Now you probably figure Harvey is up on all the latest courtship maneuvers, well I guess I'm just more fond of the old ways. Courtship takes time if you want to do it right. A girl's gotta know that you are interested in HER. This is where the prep work comes in. Six weeks of her trash has been very helpful. By the way, NEVER take Bunker with you on a trash run, that fucker ain't hooked up right. Anyway, I learned the following:

1. She menstruates on the third week of any given lunar cycle. Moderate to heavy on the first day.
2. Woman likes her vodka. Particularly Sav-On charcoal filtered. Her favorite mix is diet-coke in the large cups from Del-Taco.

Now, Vodka and menstruation, I'm thinking bloody marys, you?

She caught me on the last run. The great thing is she didn't run, just kept standing there screaming and trying to hit me with her keys. She's got spunk, I'll give her that. I always like the ones that piss standing up anyway. We'll see.

-H

P.S. check out the instrument panel on this bird. Straight up game changers. And when you stop and think, you know, that that's her whole identity. Maybe it's sad in a way. Heh. No, not really.