I took a class back in college by the "expert" on suicide, a guy name David Phillips. He was a really cool South African professor who would ask "Is everyone tracking? Who is NOT tracking?" every couple of minutes during class...I once counted he said it 43 times in an 80 minute class.


He came up with something called the "Werther Effect" which analyzed copycat suicides and how the occur. I guess it was groundbreaking 35 years ago and brought him quite a bit of interest. The San Diego Reader did a cover story on him a few years ago; its a pretty interesting read:
"Why Do They Die?"

I remember when he asked the question mentioned there if anyone in the class knew anyone who had attempted suicide; I was one of the few who raised my hands. A cousin ate a whole bottle of pills while on a trip visiting family a year or so previously...I always thought it was more a cry for attention and psychological distress from her fucked up family than anything. I still remember wondering why more people didn't raise their hands during that question...

Two months after I took the class (Fall 2004) my uncle killed himself. Shot gun in his mouth in his bedroom. I wasn't told until about a week later my dad was so distraught; he'd known him since childhood and realized after the fact there were indicators he didn't pick up on...he asked him to take his cat a few weeks before it happened. He still to this day tells me he should have known something was up.

More and more details came out afterwards; he was bombed out of his mind on antidepressants (I think Zoloft?) and was soon to be under indictment for trafficking from the DEA. He was so bombed out of his mind he didn't notice two undercover agents trailing his car for twenty miles a few weeks before. I felt like shit about it at first (he was the one who contributed so much to my sick sense of humor...whenever he'd go down to Mexico he'd always come back with fireworks and all sorts of adult gag gifts when I was ten), but as more details came out and realized part of his choice to end his life was not to be put into a spot where he'd have to rat on people or testify, I felt it did shed light on his decision. Maybe not justify it, but some people just get to that spot in life. There's nothing you can do about it. (Probably why I'm so against the "War on Drugs" too...its been a personal casualty in my life that hit close to home).

I can say taking a class with Phillips made it a bit easier to stomach...the whole idea of altruistic suicide and all. Just gotta power through the grief and bullshit, or get some good weed to calm the pain. Its the only antidepressant that doesn't have those suicidal side effects.