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It makes me feel so angry and upset that I want to bring him back to life and beat the shit out of him. For making me feel this way.



Sorry you had to go through this, Conq, especially during the holidays, but at least you have this feeling(s). You got my sympathies anyway, so you're out of luck there.

As someone who in years far gone by that's dealt with depression to the point that I've wanted to off myself, I often wondered what impact it would have on the people who truly gave two shits about me. Some people call the act selfish & weak, but sometimes those who really care (or those whom you wished gave a fuck) don't show it until it's too late.

As evidenced here on XPT despite how some may joke about it like teenagers, people are fucking cruel. While some may care after the fact, few might show it or know how to show it...but far fewer who don't care at all.

I've been fortunate enough to have people whom I know & trust when times got tough, and at the very least the impact I'd leave on their lives upon my departure. So much to the point that I would have nightmares of seeing how some people react to the situation at a wake or similar event - from the bully in high school who might have remorse for fucking with you, the girl who broke your heart (yes you douches, long before Rachel, sorry to burst your bubble), or the lifelong friend who took sides & forsaken you in favor of another friend's company - these people may even miss the departed. All in the same sleep, these people who you know & cared about you crying over THEIR loss, to the chick at the local grocery store who had a crush on you. You betcha, that took some therapy to get resolved & I'm not ashamed to admit that.

That same chain of events is what probably makes me such an emotionally charged person & bitter prick today, and by no means would I consider myself "healed". As someone above said, life is just too overwhelming at times, but I have a slightly different outlook on conditions where I'd commit suicide, because my goals in life outweigh such an irreversible act.

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I felt a bit angry, but really that was selfish on my part. I wanted them to stay around because I enjoyed being with them as a lover and a friend. But in both cases, it was a slow progression that the family thought might happen.



Not trying to lay a guilt trip on you, because I don't know the circumstances. But were you aware of the situation, and if so, were you available for them? Were you there for those people when they "may" have needed you most?

I find people these days are selfish & uncaring in their acts toward others, part of which the emo-trip that I went through earlier this year. They don't give two shits about the situation until after the damage is done. Sure, suicide wasn't an option personally, but I wanted answers. I felt the situation wasn't handled properly on her part, so I handled it in my own way, with complete disregard to what other's thought. The easy answer was that suicide was a chicken shit out of a problem that had alternative solutions, even if mine were somewhat heinous.
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Because you already yelled 'dropping prices!!!' after Red Light canned you. - Gia Jordan to Brandon Iron