PornStarBabylon
December 18, 2009
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

A new virus, Internet Herpes, is spreading. If unchecked it may reach epidemic proportions by New Years Day.

Internet Herpes, the D1L1 subtype of the genetically engineered DoCa-C1 Herpes virus, is believed to have been first introduced to the US in 1998 where it was first documented in populations of the Florida penal system. It has morphed since then and become increasingly more violent, virulent, noxious, moody and often a bit whiny.

The virus infects and ruins porn media files such as pictures and clips in all formats.

Mac users are warned to inspect for little green worms coming out to the trademark apple.





While the virus may be able to affect all genres of adult clips and poorly taken photos of any type, the virus appears to be most prevalent in media containing the following porn talent:

Angelina Long, Angelique Long, Candy Long, Dorthy Long, La Toya Long, Leila Long, Lisa Long, Mia Long, Natalie Long, Paradise Long, Rebecca Long, Summer Long, Victoria Long, Marta Longhi, Long Island and Longlash LaRue.

For some unknown reason, the virus does not effect clips from the NaughtyAmerica family of sites. In fact, the virus seems repulsed by the site.




Signs of media file infection:
** JPGs, GIFs and PNC are marred with a green label often containing a ICQ address to a known malware server.
** When WMVs, AVIs and MPGs are infected, the sets used simplistic, prefabricated and unoriginal. The direction unprofessional and confused.
** When viewing MKVs and other HD file types, genitals have been known to appear especially pimply.




Once a PC is infected, it can impact other programs such as the Microsoft Office suites, email programs and web browsers such as Internet Explorer or FireFox.

Signs of cognitive infection of software:
Vocabulary limited to 4th grade level.
Spelling ability erodes completely. Spell check refuses to run.
No sense of proper sentence structure or capitalization rules.
Grammar similar to that of beginning ESL students.


There are unconfirmed reports from the CDC that this computer virus actually impacts the behavior of the computer user, causing him or her to act erratically and irrationally.


Erratic behavior signs:
Physically batter women.
Destruction of property, for example, sinking your own houseboat.
Sexual confusion that usually expresses itself in projection, such as hating trannies if one craves them.
Flashing large amounts of cash in pictures and then hiding from creditors.
Loss of scale or scope, like equating Playboy with JM Productions.
Making terroristic threats against webmasters & Wikipedia


Identifying markings and characteristics of the carrier files:
The carrier files are hard to identify since no clear patterns, extensions, profiles or signatures have been discerned.
The carrier has no tattoos, no piercings.
One tip appear to be that the carrier file usually has a hispanic middle name; mostly commonly Juan, Pedro or Carlos.




HELP!! I'm infected!!! What to I do NOW?!?!?!?
While there is no known cure for D1L1, the CDC recommends using Valtrex for Windows to prevent future outbreaks.

While Valtrex won't stop you from spreading Herpes in all cases, it can limit your ability to spread the virus and keep you pain & symptom free. [Can't afford your anti-virus? AstraZeneca might be able to help.]



Tracking the cyber terrorist:
The evil genius behind the virus is Swedish born diesel dyke Deena Darla Coolsson who went underground after her sex change left her a light-skinned Hispanic jailhouse toy. S/He is believed to be operating in the Florida Keys under an alias. It was believed that she initially employed an anagram of her birth name, but is now believed to be using a shortened version of her original alias.

Do not attempt to apprehend the suspect. Ms. Coolsson is believed to be armed, dangerous, suffering from PMS and is STD infected.

SOURCE

It's a good thing he likes you Darrah...

Ain't that the truth.

Not to sound like a dick but who can't go out and buy a new computer right now?. This time of year you can take your pick for well under a grand and be rockin some serious capacity.

It makes me wonder just how educated she is... For the record I'm with Fatty, I like her too.

Let me fire up my SkyGrabber and a few Patron shots and we'll get this sorted. News at 11.

Quote:

---

Should everyone having computer problems just ditch their thousand dollar computer and snap their fingers and buy a brand new computer at the drop of a hat?

---

srsly.

Quote:

---

If that was the business I was in... then yes, I'd be ready to back it up on a moments notice

---

He's got a point, Av.

I'm an unemployed, disabled mentally ill slob and even I've got backup methods to the internet if my PC goes down.

I find it a funny that some lady who had an alt mimicked after her named Diarrhea now has people telling her about being backed up. Carry on.