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#441896 - 08/12/09 11:53 AM My Horoscope--WTF?
farewell and adieu Offline
Internet Tough Guy

Registered: 01/26/09
Posts: 898
The LA xpress horoscopes are usually pretty wacky and sometimes they don't even make sense but this one... well let's just say sometimes these things hit a little too close to home...



Aquarius: When you have that recurring nightmare about yourself in...y'know...that position...don't worry about it! As the bukkake girl said, take it all on the chin! Your spoiled and selfish ways must change if you are to become a better person. You will be loved only for your incredibly large endowments.






_________________________





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#441897 - 08/12/09 11:57 AM Re: My Horoscope--WTF?
have2cit Offline
Porn Jesus

Registered: 08/09/06
Posts: 9113
Loc: red dirt state of mind
That sounds more like a Whoroscope to me /one liner larry

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#441898 - 08/12/09 12:22 PM Re: My Horoscope--WTF?
electrostatic Offline
Porn Jesus

Registered: 08/16/08
Posts: 4257
Loc: Counting Kisses
Hey! WHoaa! Link please. Thanksies. (Fucking tarot cards and numerology keep telling me I'm very "fertile" at the moment. FML)




PS. Now I see were you and I (you, Marley) go wrong. My mother, who I despise, is an Aquarius, as well as my bro's x-hoe and ALL other Aquarians I have met, I just could not hit it off with. All aquarian whores I know show MAJOR signs of a fucked up personality disorder, schizophrenia or mental disorder. aka, fucked up wiring. LoL, no offense.(exception: Elmo, who was born on February 3rd.) I get along best with Taureans hoes, but I've always liked just about every Taurus I've ever met.
_________________________
"Nature already created the perfect dishwasher....its called a woman." - Fiend

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#441899 - 08/12/09 12:36 PM Re: My Horoscope--WTF?
Crocodile Offline
Pervert

Registered: 12/26/07
Posts: 2056
^^^I'm a Taurus
_________________________
"If you keep making fun of me, I might just get pissed and not post on here anymore. Start taking me seriously. I'm a student now" Fatja

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#441900 - 08/12/09 01:03 PM Re: My Horoscope--WTF?
farewell and adieu Offline
Internet Tough Guy

Registered: 01/26/09
Posts: 898
The LA xpress is a free hooker newspaper with horoscopes on the back. Thought you lived in LA??

I get along with almost everyone I meet. Some people I just CANNOT STAND though. Eventually I ask their sign and its almost always Cancer. Don't know why that is.

About Aquarian whores being a little loco, I think that pans across the board. lol I could never claim to be sane 100% of the time either... sometimes I smile or laugh during arguments

ps I have the newspaper still, so if you tell me your sign I can give it to you. Or you could venture outside and get one from the stand.
_________________________





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#441901 - 08/12/09 01:09 PM Re: My Horoscope--WTF?
jeff jordan Offline
Kurt Lackwood's Fluffer

Registered: 05/22/08
Posts: 1272
Loc: In a cesspool of phonies and d...
Aquarius.

BTW, you can get an L.A. Xpress outside my post office.
_________________________
Jeff Jordan: "Common man from LA"

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#441902 - 08/12/09 01:15 PM Re: My Horoscope--WTF?
Bishop Offline
Registered Sex Offender

Registered: 12/13/03
Posts: 2376
Loc: Rockin' the Z5U
How about Leo? My birthday was two days ago
_________________________
"I hope someone runs you over with their car."-guapo

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#441903 - 08/12/09 02:06 PM Re: My Horoscope--WTF?
farewell and adieu Offline
Internet Tough Guy

Registered: 01/26/09
Posts: 898
first off, happy belated birthday, Bishop!!

Leo: Wensleydale is a good smell for you today. Other odors may leave you feeling poorly. Waiting for important email will take precedent over waiting for junk mail for the first time today. Although you will still be interested when you get an email decclaring "George Bush falling over!!!". Your ability to think up lies on the spot may be challenged this week.




by the way, whoever is a sagittarius has a very...interesting one.
_________________________





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#441904 - 08/12/09 02:17 PM Re: My Horoscope--WTF?
electrostatic Offline
Porn Jesus

Registered: 08/16/08
Posts: 4257
Loc: Counting Kisses
Happy birthday, Bishy! LoL, XPT and their old coots.

Quote:

The LA xpress is a free hooker newspaper with horoscopes on the back. Thought you lived in LA??

I get along with almost everyone I meet. Some people I just CANNOT STAND though. Eventually I ask their sign and its almost always Cancer. Don't know why that is.

About Aquarian whores being a little loco, I think that pans across the board. lol I could never claim to be sane 100% of the time either... sometimes I smile or laugh during arguments

ps I have the newspaper still, so if you tell me your sign I can give it to you. Or you could venture outside and get one from the stand.



I don't touch newspapers, OR newspaper stands. YucKkky, I always laugh AND smile during our arguments. SO don't worry. It means nothing, I'm sure. And for now I'm fake-Cancer free and a Capricorn. Thanks in advance, Miss Cleo.



PS. Everyone knows I'm from the eastcoast, BTW. -k1ng
_________________________
"Nature already created the perfect dishwasher....its called a woman." - Fiend

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#441905 - 08/12/09 02:50 PM Re: My Horoscope--WTF?
Spunko Offline
Kurt Lackwood's Fluffer

Registered: 08/04/06
Posts: 1155
Loc: U.S. Outpost 31
Quote:

by the way, whoever is a sagittarius has a very...interesting one.




That would be me....



_________________________
I know you gentlemen have been through a lot,and when you find the time...I'd rather not spend the rest of the winter tied to this fucking couch!

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#441906 - 08/12/09 03:15 PM Re: My Horoscope--WTF?
cqd Offline
Porn Jesus

Registered: 11/27/07
Posts: 4795
That's your horoscope for the day.

(At least I think charin will dig this.)
_________________________


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#441907 - 08/12/09 03:40 PM Re: My Horoscope--WTF?
jeff jordan Offline
Kurt Lackwood's Fluffer

Registered: 05/22/08
Posts: 1272
Loc: In a cesspool of phonies and d...
Gotta love the Weird Al.
_________________________
Jeff Jordan: "Common man from LA"

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#441908 - 08/12/09 04:00 PM Re: My Horoscope--WTF?
freestylah Offline
Porn Jesus

Registered: 12/28/07
Posts: 4856
Loc: The 4th International
tubby mumbled:

Quote:

I get along with almost everyone I meet. Some people I just CANNOT STAND though. Eventually I ask their sign and its almost always Cancer. Don't know why that is.




_________________________
The only thing you got that I want, is your suffering.

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#441909 - 08/12/09 04:55 PM Re: My Horoscope--WTF?
farewell and adieu Offline
Internet Tough Guy

Registered: 01/26/09
Posts: 898
Quote:

Quote:

by the way, whoever is a sagittarius has a very...interesting one.




That would be me....









Satan may seem like a real life figure, but Satan is just a figment of your imagination brought on by the incredible amount of evil you see in your father's eyes. All your wishes can come true if you're willing to briefly take on a life of crime. Oil in your lamp may keep you burning till the break of day.

_________________________





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#441910 - 08/12/09 07:11 PM Re: My Horoscope--WTF?
Sammura33 Offline
AC Cream Wannabe

Registered: 08/25/04
Posts: 449
Loc: illy-noise
cappycorn in da hiz house!
_________________________
Re: FUCK YOU From: Smelly Monkey I love you bitch FUCK YOU LOOKN AT?

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#441911 - 08/12/09 07:38 PM Re: My Horoscope--WTF?
zenman Offline
Porn Jesus

Registered: 08/26/03
Posts: 8160
Loc: Roma, Repubblica Italiana
gemini
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"All my years in p*rn didn't quite prepare me for childbirth. I mistakenly thought all the stretching I did would make this easier."

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#441912 - 08/12/09 07:49 PM Re: My Horoscope--WTF?
electrostatic Offline
Porn Jesus

Registered: 08/16/08
Posts: 4257
Loc: Counting Kisses
Quote:

cappycorn in da hiz house!



Sup, bitch?! What day? I'm Decemeber, somewhere in the early 20's.
_________________________
"Nature already created the perfect dishwasher....its called a woman." - Fiend

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#441913 - 08/12/09 08:25 PM Re: My Horoscope--WTF?
Sammura33 Offline
AC Cream Wannabe

Registered: 08/25/04
Posts: 449
Loc: illy-noise
Quote:

Quote:

cappycorn in da hiz house!



Sup, bitch?! What day? I'm Decemeber, somewhere in the early 20's.




jan bitch!woo hoo
_________________________
Re: FUCK YOU From: Smelly Monkey I love you bitch FUCK YOU LOOKN AT?

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#441914 - 08/12/09 11:07 PM Re: My Horoscope--WTF?
farewell and adieu Offline
Internet Tough Guy

Registered: 01/26/09
Posts: 898
Quote:

cappycorn in da hiz house!




Capricorn
Terrible envy can be yours all for the price of walking into a very expensive car showroom. Use that negative energy to summon up dark spirits. Even in the darkest places you can find yourself--although you may break your nose on a door. Your luck has finally run out this week and everything comes out in the open.




Quote:

gemini




Gemini
Many of your problems can be solved by sitting down with a pen and paper and doodling pictures of houses and perhaps tornadoes. The legend of the baked bean may trouble you today as last night's meal tries to catch up with last week's. Paper can cut, and words can hurt.



_________________________





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#441915 - 08/13/09 05:57 AM Re: My Horoscope--WTF?
electrostatic Offline
Porn Jesus

Registered: 08/16/08
Posts: 4257
Loc: Counting Kisses
^That paper must be from 2004. It was a car door, and it got fixed.



I found these horoscopes in Family Fun magazine

IIRC, LouCypher and I are the only XPT posters with a subscription.





Enjoy! <3

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Capricorn

You'll accept at a new job, or a get raise if already employed. Sometimes an eclipse forces you to give up some sort of income for another, and this might happen here. You will get a find a better source, in short. Money will come up, you'll know how to handle it. The coming weeks will be filled. You have Venus on your side. Ruler of true love. You will only be alone, if you want to be. A breezy, non- sleazy atmosphere will make it easier to meet new people. Mark, Your.Calendar. Cupid is still hiding in the bushes.



Aquarius

You have been so busy growing, lately. You are hanging on to an outdated self-image and giving others "too much". You've got romance on your mind, but beware it could affect your strength. Your ruler is Uranus. Do the same to Uranus this Friday. There will be nerve-wracking days, when health worries will interfere with your concentration and everything else too. At work, you'll begin to get very busy once Cancer enters on August 25th. Be prepared.



Pisces

In the last few months you may have fallen in love or were focused on a certain object/friend. Things were hard angle to Uranus. The shit will hit the fan somewhere in the first half of the month, when a secret that someone is keeping from you will be revealed. On the 18th-20th avoid any altercations and all things electrical, this due to a series of Capricorn-Cancer sparkles in Uranus.



Aries

Give yourself a bit of a rest, Cancer makes an appearance on the 11th, this might burn a hole in the sky, but you will make it through this time. Something will be crystalizing around the 13th, this will set your heart aflutter. This is not a good time to sign a contract. The virtual community to which you belong, is not the new moon. Which is your friend, still you will not be in control, exciting! ?



Taurus

You'll be feeling vulnerable, stuck, bored, and confused about the choices you've recently made. Your past professional efforts come together beautifully in a box with a big red bow. Your best career day will be coming up, you will wow clients in a BIG way! Your spending will be high all month. You may get some enviable publicity, too. Avoid difficult subjects, such as family love, loneliness, politics, and religion. Be gentle when you speak.




Gem.in.i

This is a messy month for Gemini. Mercury opposes Uranus. ALthough this causes problems and you often say the wrong thing all the time, it's still great publicity. Go on a long trip and have lots of fun. Study religion and make a bigger contributions to those around you. You WILL cave in, but do not fight back.



Cancer (Teh official kind.)

"Money, money, money. Blah, blah, blah, lies. . . SEX!..." Sex will come in handy this month, ahghhen. You think you're lit to new ideas, but you still can't get your mind off of money. Cancerians often appear to be surrounded by struggle, but in reality it's just their over dramatic nature at it's best. Enter an internet contest when the eclipse enters Aquarius. @ 170*. You know where and how. Don't forget to cut it out, when you can no longer feel the anger. The new moon is indecisive.



Leo

Ups and down, will make you loose your mind, but your overall your physical health will remain solid. Uranus, ruler of Aquarius is not on your side. You will be alone, if not alone now, your spouse/partner will leave. Make time to clear your head. Only then will you be able to start a new romantic or business relationship. Uranus is due this December.



Virgo

This month you will be very unproductive and make even more terrible decisions. You will be ignored and have no control over yourself and the things you say. Sit in a quiet room and reflect on not having a solution to anything and the huge mess this month will be. Saturn will leave you around October, return, leave and might not come back. Bankruptcy will sneak up on you but so will a rabid drunk wino in a dark alley. You will lose friends, and possibly your job. When you oppose to Uranus, Uranus fights back.



Libra.

Go to a lecture or book signing this month. Spark up your ideas. In the days leading up to the new moon you will be an emotional wreck, stay home but don't close your windows. Keep in touch with friends. If you're single you will meet someone new. If you're attached, but not feeling it, then it's probably not there. Go on a romantic vacation, there is lots of sex if you head that <--- direction.



Scorpio.

You demand too much of everything from everyone. You feel the world owes YOU. This is what helps one door close and another slamshut. Do not accept gifts from those who demand little. Only accept a new job offer and sign a contract if it is real. Should you decide to pay attention to your friends and family,it might be too late. Your relationships in general will not work out this month. You will waste this time, alone, wondering when the money and gifts are going to come. Nothing.



Sagittarius.

You're ahead of the rest, the begining of this month. Cancer enters your house on the 2?th you will take this time off to focus on you finances and material possessions. You're confidence will come off as arrogance, and your promiscuous nature is going to come back to haunt you, mid month. By then everyone will be sick of your shit. They will wish gay cancer on you and hope you end up penniless. Follow your heart and listen to your soul.




Attachments
431177-51JQORGb5rL_SL500_AA280_1[1].jpg (12 downloads)

_________________________
"Nature already created the perfect dishwasher....its called a woman." - Fiend

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#441916 - 08/13/09 06:23 AM Re: My Horoscope--WTF?
have2cit Offline
Porn Jesus

Registered: 08/09/06
Posts: 9113
Loc: red dirt state of mind
Quote:

tubby mumbled:

Quote:

I get along with almost everyone I meet. Some people I just CANNOT STAND though. Eventually I ask their sign and its almost always Cancer. Don't know why that is.









I don't attack any of the whores on this board! [/faggot ass euro-douche]

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#441917 - 08/13/09 08:31 AM Re: My Horoscope--WTF?
farewell and adieu Offline
Internet Tough Guy

Registered: 01/26/09
Posts: 898
lol hey, whoa. At least he could think of one or two (hypothetical) females. I noticed with freesmile, it's okay for him to bitch and moan about other posters' redundancy, but he refuses to address his own.
_________________________





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#441918 - 08/13/09 08:37 AM Re: My Horoscope--WTF?
Bishop Offline
Registered Sex Offender

Registered: 12/13/03
Posts: 2376
Loc: Rockin' the Z5U
Hey Marley,how is it going?
_________________________
"I hope someone runs you over with their car."-guapo

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#441919 - 08/13/09 08:47 AM Re: My Horoscope--WTF?
farewell and adieu Offline
Internet Tough Guy

Registered: 01/26/09
Posts: 898
good morning bish, doin good... yourself?
by the way, yess I would pee on you but only if we call it pee, and not squirting.

_________________________





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#441920 - 08/13/09 08:48 AM Re: My Horoscope--WTF?
Vizzle Offline
Porn Fucking Master

Registered: 10/30/06
Posts: 3812
Loc: Neither here, nor there.
Quote:

yess I would pee on you but only if we call it pee, and not squirting.






Ata girl, that's hot.
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#441921 - 08/13/09 09:04 AM Re: My Horoscope--WTF?
Bishop Offline
Registered Sex Offender

Registered: 12/13/03
Posts: 2376
Loc: Rockin' the Z5U

Grip and Cram Johnson caused this affliction, once after performing for them, they asked if they could shoot the cutest little thing(left over from an earlier scene)peeing on me.. I had never been in that position in my personal life but I have always been open minded about anything that involves a beautiful woman.Prior to my post scene shower that little vixen straddled the tub as I reclined and THE VIEW of her cute face looking down on me while I looked up at her curvy tan thighs and perfect little vag and then her warm clear pee started raining down over me....
..ummmm.... excuse me for a sec..
MMmmmmmm YYEEAAHH!!! I'm back. Well anyway that shit changed me.
Anyways Marley, I would be honored if you would on
_________________________
"I hope someone runs you over with their car."-guapo

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#441922 - 08/13/09 09:32 AM Hipocrisy. WTF?
electrostatic Offline
Porn Jesus

Registered: 08/16/08
Posts: 4257
Loc: Counting Kisses
Quote:

lol hey, whoa. At least he could think of one or two (hypothetical) females. I noticed with freesmile, it's okay for him to bitch and moan about other posters' redundancy, but he refuses to address his own.




it's okay for her to bitch and moan about other posters' redundancy, but she refuses to address her own.


Your turn.
_________________________
"Nature already created the perfect dishwasher....its called a woman." - Fiend

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#441923 - 08/13/09 09:47 AM Re: My Horoscope--WTF?
farewell and adieu Offline
Internet Tough Guy

Registered: 01/26/09
Posts: 898
Yeah because I post the same type of shit all the time and then complain about somebody's "boring" animal rights posts.



PS BISHOP THAT IS FUCKING HOTTTTTTTTTTT and now I want to pee on someone! Was it sticky?
_________________________





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#441924 - 08/13/09 09:58 AM Re: My Horoscope--WTF?
electrostatic Offline
Porn Jesus

Registered: 08/16/08
Posts: 4257
Loc: Counting Kisses
Quote:

Yeah because I post the same type of shit all the time and then complain about somebody's "boring" animal rights posts.



No, you post the same shit all the time and complain about somebody calling you a fat worthless whore and go on and on, defending your body image, your "health" and make sure you let us know that "no, it doesn't bother you" at least 3-4 times in your long winded posts. But sometimes you lurk around and notice that what people react to and then troll it up talking about how horny it makes you. You're like a low budget, fat Sasha Grey. Don't respond, I already know it doesn't bother you.
_________________________
"Nature already created the perfect dishwasher....its called a woman." - Fiend

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#441925 - 08/13/09 10:18 AM Re: My Horoscope--WTF?
farewell and adieu Offline
Internet Tough Guy

Registered: 01/26/09
Posts: 898
You're just upset because you think I called you a hypothetical female.


edited to add... You're right it doesn't bother me, nothing is real anyways.


Edited by MarleyMason (08/13/09 10:18 AM)
_________________________





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#441926 - 08/13/09 11:38 AM Re: My Horoscope--WTF?
Bishop Offline
Registered Sex Offender

Registered: 12/13/03
Posts: 2376
Loc: Rockin' the Z5U
Quote:

PS BISHOP THAT IS FUCKING HOTTTTTTTTTTT and now I want to pee on someone! Was it sticky?..



This young lady drank a lot of water her urine was sparkle clear and hardly even scented...I would have drank it...
Marley I will be that someone!!!!!
Marley^^^^ ^^^me!
_________________________
"I hope someone runs you over with their car."-guapo

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#441927 - 08/13/09 11:55 AM Re: My Horoscope--WTF?
electrostatic Offline
Porn Jesus

Registered: 08/16/08
Posts: 4257
Loc: Counting Kisses
Quote:

You're right it doesn't bother me, nothing is real anyways.



Not even Guro chan?
_________________________
"Nature already created the perfect dishwasher....its called a woman." - Fiend

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#441928 - 08/13/09 12:28 PM Re: My Horoscope--WTF?
Fiend Offline
Porn Fucking Master

Registered: 11/04/05
Posts: 3509
Loc: Pit of Despair
Quote:

Quote:

You're right it doesn't bother me, nothing is real anyways.



Not even Guro chan?




http://gurochan.net/
_________________________
Fap, Fap, Fap

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#441929 - 08/13/09 01:06 PM Re: My Horoscope--WTF?
electrostatic Offline
Porn Jesus

Registered: 08/16/08
Posts: 4257
Loc: Counting Kisses
Ok, I'm sick of waiting around. I'm turning off my cam.




(I clicked the link and nothing happened.)
_________________________
"Nature already created the perfect dishwasher....its called a woman." - Fiend

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#441930 - 08/13/09 04:47 PM Re: My Horoscope--WTF?
freestylah Offline
Porn Jesus

Registered: 12/28/07
Posts: 4856
Loc: The 4th International
Quote:

You're like a low budget, fat Sasha Grey.




Thanks!
_________________________
The only thing you got that I want, is your suffering.

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#441931 - 08/13/09 06:40 PM Re: My Horoscope--WTF?
the unknown pervert Offline
Porn Jesus

Registered: 03/22/07
Posts: 5186
Loc: Joshua Tree National Park
Quote:

You're just upset because you think I called you a hypothetical female.






Actually she is upset because you funnel attention away from her. The good news is that this is nothing that can't be solved in a wading pool full of jello.
_________________________
I would eat Allie Sin's asshole until I got an emotion out of her.-Jerkules

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#441932 - 08/13/09 07:22 PM Re: My Horoscope--WTF?
jeff jordan Offline
Kurt Lackwood's Fluffer

Registered: 05/22/08
Posts: 1272
Loc: In a cesspool of phonies and d...
Marley...

Your ruler is Uranus. Do the same to Uranus this Friday.
_________________________
Jeff Jordan: "Common man from LA"

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