I didn't spend 16 minutes on your silly quiz. It was seven -- plus I spent two minutes wrestling with how to see the questions while I was writing responses since the private messaging doesn't quote text. Finally had to open a second browser window (duh!). And I'm a speed-reader -- your five-minute expectation is nuts.

Anyway, no research by me. Just whatever I remembered from my first year of law school 15 years ago. Thank goodness nothing was from a second- or especially third-year class. Nobody goes to those.

At last, on top of the certification of the California Bar and the acclaim of my clients, I have the affirmation of an anonymous poster on a porno bulletin board. Now, finally, I can rest on my laurels. And go get some lunch. I'm famished.

One point of criticism: Your questions are exclusively Constitutional law. I'm not a Con law guy, and to be completely honest with you, Constitutional questions do not crop up all that frequently in most lawyers' working lives. Surely the teevee has given you that impression, but for most of us working schlubs it's something we studied in school then quickly forgot as it receded into the mists of time.

If you had gone to law school, you'd have known that. Or at least thrown in something from civil procedure, criminal procedure (which was my favorite), contracts or property. Con law was just one class out of six for half of the year.

As for free legal advice, get fucked. Nobody rides for free. I'm Rick James, bitch!