Last week was the 40th anniversary of the Apollo IX lunar landing. It got me thinking about how I haven’t done much in my life except chase whores and blow loads. Just because the first half of my life was squandered, however, doesn’t mean I cannot write a different outcome for the future.
After no less than 15 minutes of serious thought and inspired by John F. Kennedy’s famous “We choose to go to the moon” speech, I hereby announce my intention to go further…..reach higher…..and go deeper.
That’s right. I, Brandon Iron, choose to go to Uranus.
My rocket is primed, lubed, and ready for lift-off. And now, I wait for the next sweet young thing who has the Right Stuff (ie: 2 ids, a birthday before 1991, and a 3 Days Past Due rental notice tacked to her front door.)
BTW, what sort of guy do you think “Buzz” Aldrin was anyways? I mean, he sounds like he would go to a lot of keggers and drive drunk. “Last one to Cape Canaveral has to shotgun until they puke. ” Jeez, you’d think the standards would be a lot higher for the space program but I suppose a lot of the best and the brightest were over in Vietnam at the time. Thankfully, the United States is not currently in some quagmire on the other side of the world. That would really suck.
Anyways, just thinking about becoming an astronaut makes me feel more accomplished. Maybe I am a genius without ever having to take any of that rigorous training. G forces? Fuck that….I’ll find G spots for NASA. Black holes the likes of which have never been seen. Eat my dust, Dr. Hawking.
It is one small step for me to get out of bed this afternoon and one giant gape I will make for mankind.
* If you want to see the real speech made by President Kennedy at Rice University on September 12th, 1962, clicky here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ouRbkBAOGEw
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