As we come out of our collective mourning for the late great Michael Jackson, it occurs to me that a new King of Pop must be crowned. As no one else in the porn world seems to be stepping up, I hereby seize the title by self-anoitment. I have no idea what entitles me to this honour but I would like to live in a fancy mansion (rented or not) and have some tigers and possibly a monkey as pets. A liger would be cool, too, but I don’t want to get ahead of myself the first day on the job.
As your King of Pop, I promise to be a benign ruler. I will not raise taxes or call you anything derogatory like “serf” or “peasant.” All I ask is that we go back to what Mel Gibson’s nemesis King Edward I (aka “Longshanks”) had in Braveheart. I want to bring back the primae noctis decree. It’s when the lord of an estate gets to take the virginity of his estate’s virgins. No big deal, right? I mean, I’m not saying I can do all of this in one night or anything. It will take time and I promise to be gentle.
So are we cool?? Great! You may address me as “King”, “Dr. King” (uhh….no, that’s taken), “King of Pop”, “K.O.P.” or “Poppy.”
A royal portrait is needed but I am ogling young women at Starbucks today. Can someone please just Photoshop my head onto this pic and e-mail it to me at
brandoniron_99@yahoo.com. Thanks!
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