Dear Sir, Madam, or other:

Thanks for the heads up on raising the already usurious rate of interest on my credit card to 27.99%. What an incredible number.

Granted, I have no one to blame for my current predicament but myself. I had an opportunity to keep my interest at 0% for a while, but I missed a payment because I had no money, which is why I had so much credit card debt in the first place. There are a number of other ways I could have obtained this money, but I chose to make a deal with the white devil. By the way, that's you. Incidentally, I have no idea if you are white or not. I am, although I do enjoy the rap music.

Completely besides the point.

Anyway, I got the notice you sent me today. You know the one I'm talking about? It's entitled, 'Important Notice for [bank name blacked out] Credit Cardmember Agreement.'

I think you could have given it a catchier name, like 'Hey Cardmember, Fuck You!' or, 'Hey Debtor: Bend Over and Take It Like a POOR Man!'

I reject your terms. In accordance with requirements you have set forth to enable me to do that, I have cut up my card. I won't use it anymore, and I will, as soon as possible, pay off or transfer my full debt load. I don't care if I have to suck dick seven nights a week and twice on Sundays. You people are criminals and vampires, and I despise you with every poverty-stricken fiber of my being. You won't get another dime from me.

If I knew where you were and how to get in, and if I could afford to make the trip (which, luckily for you, I can't), I would visit your office, climb up on your desk and take a dump. Additionally, I hope that as you go to sleep tonight you realize that it is because of your conscienceless strong-arm tactics that capitalism had a badname.

You could have had a nice fat 15 or even 20%. Instead, you'll have nothing.

Thank you for your time, you piece of shit.

Eat me.

Sean Conroy

P.S. While you and your cubicle buddies are giggling about the insane vitriol contained in this letter, please do me the honor of picturing me fucking your mother.