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Yes, Gunker does have a quiet dignity about him. There's something very moving about a middle-aged man washing his chipped Wal-mart dishes by hand because he can't afford a dishwasher. It helps you to understand why he has to blame corporations and the rich for his predicament (instead of himself). You're moved to both laugh and cry as you hear him bitterly demand that everyone in the world who is more successful than him pay higher taxes.

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I've been price-searching and found that I'm able to buy 175 "Ultra SilverSteel™ Kenmore 24 in. Built-In Dishwasher w/ 5-level Precision Wash Systems."

While that is certainly an impressive number, unfortunately, they do not have hunter/seeker technology, and thus, I'm asking for recommendations for my automatic dishwasher platoon-level force that can be programmed to track down Coke, subdue him with repetitive door openings/closings, then gangwash/rinse/repeat/dry him a few times.

Also, have never spent 1 cent at Wal-Mart.