This whole thing reads like a letter you'd get as a kid from the Wayne Gretzky fan club or something -- "it may seem like play to you, but PHWEW! it's hard work being a hockey player!".

Bree, you're a fucking whore. Your fake moans and squeals are the least authentic sounds of sexual enjoyment since Tracy Lords quit the business. You spoil whatever your appearance brings to the table whenever you look at the camera. Grunt like a fucking pig, and put your back into it.

You want respect from me? Buy a giant-size pack of duct tape, and carry it to all your shoots so that nobody has to hear your laugh-track-like skrobble, and then I will sympathize when you complain about how heavy it is to lug around all the time.

Fuck you, and the IS350 you rode in on. You should be thankful there are trailer parks full of people still willing to pay for your fake autographs.