I don't agree that rehab isn't useful, but the problem is that most people who go to rehab don't necessarily want to quit. They went because their parents/significant other/boss made them, or because they were court-ordered and it was their alternative to jail. The thing about sobriety is that it's not just about stopping the drinking or the drugging, it's really about changing your life and your perspective. The first time I went to rehab, I didn't really want to quit-- I just thought I could learn how to drink in moderation. So when I started drinking again, it was something I'd planned all along. The second time I went was when I fully admitted defeat-- I knew I couldn't ever drink again: not in moderation, not on special occasions, not on holidays, not at my wedding-- NEVER. And I had to open myself up to a new way of living, a new set of friends (though I've still kept my closest friends who were thankfully NOT bad influences on me), and really I had to explore a more spiritual side of life to help me adjust to this enormous change. Now I am not religious in any sense, but I've done a lot of reading, discussion, and self-exploration that has brought me to a place where I can be content with myself (most of the time-- I am far from perfect). I think I am also able to stay in porn because essentially I work with my family, friends, and people of my own choosing. I run my own business and I find creative freedom in my work. Plus my personal life exists outside of the porn bubble, which I think keeps me balanced.

Sobriety is for those who want it, not for those who need it. For a true alcoholic/addict, it is absolutely one of the hardest things you will ever do in your lifetime. But for me, I feel that now that I've conquered my addiction I can do almost anything. It's a truly liberating experience. The trick is remembering that it's a daily reprieve and that I need to keep myself in check so that I don't slip back into that hole I spent so many years trying to crawl of of.

Also I think a big part of my success the second time around was sober living. Some people are in sober living for years-- how ever long it takes them to adjust to their new way of living. For me, it forced me to go to meetings and forge new friendships with people who were going through the same thing I was. I have made some amazing friends in sober living that I am still very close to.

Some of us have lower bottoms than others-- everybody's path is different. I hope Mary finds hers and that it brings her happiness. But until she surrounds herself with people who support her sobriety, she will struggle. I have always had my fingers crossed for her.