News reports give the following account: A 14-year-old girl and a 15-year-old girl were each charged Monday with animal cruelty after Clearlake Police Department officers said the teenagers microwaved and froze a pet hamster in December 2007. The hamster, named Bugsy, was placed briefly in a microwave oven twice and a freezer once. During one stint in the microwave, three of Bugsy's paws were burned, which caused the hamster to chew those legs off, leaving him with only one leg.

-Chuck, Vegetarian fanboy

(For any public authorities reading this I'm not serious).

So, has mailing a letter bomb gone out of style?

(Good find Chuck. I can't repost this on any of the hamster boards because I don't want to be the person who makes a ton of kids feel upset).

Funny, I was thinking today, I'd be happy living like the Unabomber, but without the bombs. Hey, there's another dead Ted...

-Chuck, Vegetarian fanboy

He ain't dead, sorry.

Hahhahah:
My first name is Ned and my last is only a few letters off from the Unabomber. I seriously don't want to blow up the hamster killers. I just don't get that kind of cruelty at that age. They should already know how mammals work without the experiments.

I did some stupid stuff as a kid - put a Chihuahua on spin dry (for one second, just to rile my sister), we firecrackered a frog.

Of course, my friend Elvin (I swear) would go frog gigging, so what's worse?

There is a hierarchy of critters, I guess. Dogs at the top, to be sure, with horses maybe next. Stuff we eat, cows, pigs, chickens, etc. are pretty low. Fish are even below that, and bait is even below fish. Lowest is insects.

Funny how hamsters are fairly high on the ladder, but mice and rats are close to insects.

Do you actually form relationships with the hamsters, like I have with my dog, and had with my cats? Like, they know you and treat you a certain way, even when it isn't feeding time, etc.?

-Chuck, Vegetarian fanboy

Yes.

The hamsters know their names. They come when they are called or I snap my fingers in the corner of their terrariums.

Hamsters are able to form the same bonds that most mammals are.

They have very poor eyesight and are often considered to be stupid "throwaway" type animals.

It takes training and consistency just like dogs to become close with a hamster.

The tricky part is that it has to be much more accelerated. Hamsters, at best, live to be around 1,000 days old. My oldest was about 1,120.

Don't think that rodents and other small mammals are any different to interact with than a cat or a dog just due to their size.

EDIT: Not to discount size. I can reach out and lift a hamster before it can get into any serious trouble. Much different than a dog.

Thanks, the little critters are interesting. I miss my cats, but I'll be retired and on the road in 3 years, so I can't commit to a cat. I'll keep my mind open to a hamster - or is it better to have two, will one get lonely?

I think we got fucked up when western philosophers looked upon critters as machines without feelings, because religious doctrine said they had no souls. Bullshit. Just like Descartes first deduction after, "I think, therefore, I am" was the existence of God. Why? Fear of execution!

Ever since I ran over that raccoon with a semi and saw its partner in the mirror looking at the remains, I've thought about the family life and feelings of "lesser" critters.

My friend Maggie would fuck Christians up, asking if dogs and cats went to heaven. When they said no, Maggie would say it couldn't be a very good place with no dogs and cats, and she wanted to go where the dogs and cats go, so forget Jesus and all that stuff.

You probably have a heightened sense of critterdom, too, after the hamster experiences.

-Chuck, Vegetarian fanboy

For Chuck:

Hamsters are mostly liver.

In nature they forage (hence cheek pouches) and dig tunnels to store their food.

It turns turns out that while they are out in the wilds their food stores ferment. When they go to get diner out of storage they get drunk.

They are used for alcoholism research because they have actually evolved to prefer alcohol over water. If you offer them a drinking bottles filled with plain water and spiked water they will naturally go for the spiked one.


That may hold true in the lab, but I have offered my critters hamster sized pints before and they were not interested.

Anyhow, I'm a bit sauced myself but I wanted to tell you about how hamsters were nature's alkys.

This story make me want to play some Maniac Mansion

You've probably seen this, conq.

I've realized, tonight, that I've been spending way too much time here, when I saw this commercial while having dinner with a friend and all I could do was laugh.


"Hamsters"



I still think you're an asshole.

This made me think of you, Conq...

^I was so super uncomfortable watching that...


I thought I should post this because Prunella scares the living shit out of me, like piss-pants scarrryness!

Those birds are probably scaring the hams.

And I think that guy is mostly right but celery is a bad food for the, it's too moist.

Also he doesn't recommend what kind of bedding to use. Stay away from cedar chips. Aspen is good but carefresh recycled paper bedding is best.

What the fuck is Martha talking about? You can take them in your pocket on trips?!?! Maybe around your house but not anywhere else. Hams get dehydrated rapidly and shouldn't be leaving the house unless they are riding in Martha Stewart's vagina.