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#408317 - 03/19/09 12:28 AM
Pet Peeves / Things that make you MAD!!
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Internet Tough Guy
Registered: 01/26/09
Posts: 898
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Ok guys... I need to VENT! With permission from the beloved Monkey, I have decided to post a couple of my pet peeves...from both on and off the porn set. I'm sure there's some things make you want to crawl up the wall. Some people out there who work in customer service that you would like to smack upside the head. Industryfolk: all of these crazy whores piss you off, right? I mean, they piss me the fuck off, and I am one! To get the ranting and shit-slinging going, I have been brainstorming. Easy openers include "don't you hate it when..." or "this shit really pissed me off today..." or my personal favorite "you know what really grinds my gears?" So I'll start. I hate it when I'm the only sucker on set with baby wipes. I have witnessed girls use damn near a whole pack of 100 during a messy anal scene. Bring your own damn wipes and skip the snacks before you work, missy! I also hate it when I'm at the grocery store and there is a genius in front of me who thinks he/she is smart enough to work the self-scan machine. If you can't find the produce button and you're going to spend ten minutes looking for it, use the store clerk. If you can't read or understand English, go to the store clerk. If you have a shopping cart full of food, and you're looking at me with my nail polish and cotton balls, go to the fucking store clerk and let me get on with my life! Your turn! Remember... venting is healthy! 
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#408318 - 03/19/09 02:15 AM
Re: Pet Peeves / Things that make you MAD!!
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Internet Tough Guy
Registered: 01/26/09
Posts: 898
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I also hate it when stalkers ask me for contact info on future victims.
edit: Thanks Croc!
Edited by MarleyMason (03/19/09 02:20 AM)
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#408319 - 03/19/09 02:21 AM
Re: Pet Peeves / Things that make you MAD!!
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 01/25/04
Posts: 8662
Loc: In a k1ng like state of medioc...
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Quote:
I hate it when I'm the only sucker on set with baby wipes. I have witnessed girls use damn near a whole pack of 100 during a messy anal scene. Bring your own damn wipes and skip the snacks before you work, missy!
Wait, they don't supply this stuff on set? I hope you are keeping your recipts because those are tax right offs. Please tape yourself explaining why you need to right off 150 boxes of baby wipes for work purposes to your accountant and send it to me.
Quote:
I also hate it when I'm at the grocery store and there is a genius in front of me who thinks he/she is smart enough to work the self-scan machine. If you can't find the produce button and you're going to spend ten minutes looking for it, use the store clerk. If you can't read or understand English, go to the store clerk. If you have a shopping cart full of food, and you're looking at me with my nail polish and cotton balls, go to the fucking store clerk and let me get on with my life!
I'll tell you why people do that without a good understanding of how to operate simple functioning machines. Because it helps fulfill a fantasy of being a check out chick/guy, it gives you the fix of seeing what its like to be one, even be it for a minute (or in the case of the people you line up behind 15 minutes). When i was a young boy I went go karting maybe 2-3 times and each time I was shocked not only by the amount of grown men who were riding the cars but the amount of enjoyment they got from it, these same guys who drive cars everyday without a hint of joy. There isn't really a point to this, just a nugget of childhood memory.
My pet Peeves
Really, mind numbingly stupid girls who I want to have sex with. This is a recent issue for me, ive never really fucked really stupid women before, or tried, most if not all (apart from when I lost my virginity) of the women ive slept with ive liked, not just been physically attracted to but found their personality attractive on some level, im now fishing in a shallow pond at the moment, so im not afforded the selection I once was. Im not opposed to sleeping with stupid women, I just don't know how to talk to them, what do they like? what do they want to hear? its like they speak a different language, and im not exactly a rocket surgeon myself, im certainly not studying to become a brain scientist but ive come across a lot of them of late, many of who id love to put my penis in but can't get in on their level. Im thinking of buying all of lil wayne's albums and watching a few ashton kutcher movies this weekend to see if it opens any doors.
Crippled Perverts another pet peeve, this board is only big enough for one and the monkey has laid claim to that title.
Ellen as a person, entertainer and lesbian
The fact I don't like nor have I ever liked adam sandler movies yet I watch them whenever they come out and feel disgusted with myself after.
im sure ive got a lot more but ive typed enough and my head hurts.
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“Jesus said, hey baby, its all good" Wayne Lewis
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#408320 - 03/19/09 02:40 AM
Re: Pet Peeves / Things that make you MAD!!
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Pervert
Registered: 10/02/08
Posts: 2058
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A+ Marley, you just killed it with that AC Cream cap. My peeves:
1) airlines that refuse to improve their flight attendant pool's attractiveness by making mullets and orange lipstick non-mandatory.
2) resorting to using my tears as lube while masturbating, under certain circumstances.
3) people that start out on XPT mellow, then one day a switch flips and their minds begin to race at warp 5, and they can't ever seem to reel it back in. i don't fault them, there must be something else at play. didn't the nazi's used to put something in the water?
4) cactus jumpers that accost me outside home depot and want to come home to help with whatever they think i've got goin on.
5) camryn manheim, because her tender touch has eluded me all these years. the physicality is supposedly unmatched.
6) tubs of goo like AC Cream and Swami that have ruined PW stalking on myspace for normal guys, thanks to their flop sweat years of heavy breathing and number begging, which has scared the girls into high alert like a pack of meerkats.
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#408321 - 03/19/09 02:44 AM
Re: Pet Peeves / Things that make you MAD!!
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 11/27/07
Posts: 4795
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I respect you as a woman and a human.
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#408322 - 03/19/09 04:14 AM
Re: Pet Peeves / Things that make you MAD!!
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Human Garbage
Registered: 05/08/07
Posts: 1681
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Lots of little things make me mad:
- forever fumbling around for my keys or lighter cause I've got way too many pockets going on
- hip new non-smoking areas that tell me I can't smoke within 9 meters of the door, even though there are usually one or two ashtrays fixed to the wall as soon as you step outside
- being stuck behind a black person in a bank or supermarket line. they are genentically programmed to make the line move slower, usually by forgetting their bank card and account number, or by arguing about an item's price, insisting they were sure it was on sale.
- mouth breathers
- wiggers. there's nothing cool about pretending to be a black guy who can't spell, speak properly, or figure out that those XXXL jeans were not made for a 30 inch waste
- fat welfare moms that have three kids who are three different colours
- plastic grocery bags rustling in the wind in the back seat of my car
- day 2 of my wife's menstrual cycle
- pot smokers who have gone so far down the rabbithole that they actually believe weed is no longer illegal
- guys and girlfriends wearing matching pink tshirts or basball hats
- in-depth political discussions on a fucking porn board
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There's not a woman alive who has not wanted to be treated like a whore. It's in their genes.
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#408325 - 03/19/09 09:37 AM
Re: Pet Peeves / Things that make you MAD!!
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Registered Sex Offender
Registered: 12/16/08
Posts: 2401
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my pet peeves:
Chicks that tell you their fantasies, then when you try and make them happen, they look at you like your an asshole that pulled the idea out of left field.
Pennsylvania drivers on the New Jersey Turnpike doing 70 in the left hand lane.
Baptist church vans from MD or VA that change lanes without signaling or looking.
Cashiers that get confused when your bill is $16.37 and you give them $21.37, so you just get back a 5.
People with side by side tandem strollers instead of one behind the other, who then start bugging because they can't fit through the aisles in a store.
Porn sites that use DRM.
Weed dealers that say they got it on them, and when you show up you wind up driving around the ghetto for an hour. Even worse when they finally tell you to park and wait, and 2 little black girls stare at you then run and tell grandpa that there is a white dude in the neighbor hood, so he comes out to stare too.
The stale smell of goat in Pakistani bodegas, because they have their coolers set at about 60 degrees.
People that are scared of how narrow the Goethals Bridge is so they straddle the lanes keeping anyone from passing their slow half retarded asses.
Finally
Women in GI-NORMUS suvs that can't park the fucking things.
Aaaaaaahhhhh, I feel much better now.
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"Guage once told me that there is nothing worse than eaten ass of a black dude thats been huffen drain cleaner the night befor." - delanoojos
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#408327 - 03/19/09 12:52 PM
Re: Pet Peeves / Things that make you MAD!!
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 03/22/07
Posts: 5186
Loc: Joshua Tree National Park
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Quote:
Some people out there who work in customer service that you would like to smack upside the head.
Here's the view from the other side of the road.
1. People who want to haggle the price on everything like they are shopping at a bazaar in Tijuana. The price listed is the price we sell it at, we'll let you know if there are any exceptions.
2. People who have to take the computer keyboard/clock radio/computer speakers/whatever else they can get their grubby, uncoordinated hands on out of the box before buying and have better things to do than put it back in the box when they decide they don't want it.
3. People who decide they really don't need those frozen waffles/corn dogs/carton of eggs/five pound chub of hamburger/gallon of milk/frozen pizza/gallon of ice cream/etc. and just shove it behind something on a shelf in the hardware section of the store where no one will find it until 15 hours later instead of putting it back in a freezer/cooler where it belongs.
3. People who are too Goddamned, motherfucking, cocksucking, baby fiddling, small animal molesting, lazy too raise their motherfucking arm up six Goddamned inches to put something back on the peg hook that they used that same motherfucking arm to pull off thirty seconds ago and instead just drop it on the floor.
4. Fat/lazy/tired but otherwise perfectly healthy people riding the handicapped friendly motorized carts all over the store. Hey Bluto see that flabby pinkish white innertube around your gut, if you'd would get off your damn fat lazy ass and walk somewhere you might be able to count how many toes you have instead.
5. People who actually think I am stupid enough to accept that $1800 check for a new plasma TV, Xbox 360 Elite, and Blu-Ray player they have in their cart without any form of I.D. Same thing when a guy tries to buy the same stuff when the first name on both the I.D. (which is the same temporary D.L. he has been giving me for the last six months. I've got news for you pal, the DMV is slow but they aren't that slow. It's never taken them more than two weeks to mail my new D.L. to me.) has a first name of Linda on it and the check he gives me has whiteout over half the account numbers.
6. People who badger me with 25 questions about a product, all of which can be answered simply by reading the fucking box. I am not exaggerating when I say at least 80% of the questions shoppers ask about something I can answer simply by doing this.
7. People who have 468 items in their cart and wait until they are checking out to decide which 274 they don't want.
Edited by the unknown pervert (03/19/09 12:55 PM)
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I would eat Allie Sin's asshole until I got an emotion out of her.-Jerkules
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#408328 - 03/19/09 01:50 PM
Re: Pet Peeves / Things that make you MAD!!
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 09/07/05
Posts: 14160
Loc: NYC
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1. People who still say the 'www' before the web address.
2. Cars that don't take advantage of the huge gap in front of them during rush hour traffic on the interstate.
3. Windows open in cars. Yes, I'm the odd man out here, but I hate the sound of the wind, the road, and the outside world. I like driving in an uber swift shit kicking living room on wheels.
4. Curtains open in my house.
5. Magnets on the refrigerator.
6. Clutter
7. People who don't turn the station when a commercial comes on the radio.
8. Drummy Tappy people. You know, those who feel the need to fill up dead space or a lull in the conversation with some form of whistling, tapping, humming, drumming on something.
9. Drummy Tappy people who use being a musician for an excuse for being a Drummy Tappy. Look, I'm a photographer and you don't see me going around squeezing my fingers like a viewfinder when I see stuff.
10. Wasteful people. Don't turn the fucking water on until you're undressed and ready to actually shower. I don't care if water's free in your apartment. Don't let the waiter fill your water glass if you're not gonna drink it. Nor do you need a bag if that MAC Lip Glass you're purchasing can fit in your purse.
11. Girls that tan to look more toned. You know what makes you look more toned? Carrying your own fucking suitcase.
12. Directors who don't have the balls to tell girls that their boyfriends/husbands/handlers/publicists cannot come on set.
13. Girls who think pets are accessories.
14. Guys who text to ask you on dates. Tacky.
15. Dates who call to tell you they're here. This is the modern day version of honking the horn in the driveway. There is ample parking on my street and sometimes god forbid you have to drive a block to find it. It's not like I live in mid-town Manhattan in a four story walk-up.
16. Guys who try to kiss your hand upon first introduction like they're Sir Fucking Lancelot. I'm all for chivalry. In fact, you'd better know what side of the sidewalk to walk on with me, but now you're trying too hard and I don't need you slobbering all over me.
17. MySpace pages that take more than 3 seconds to load. Beyond that, I won't look at your page. I don't care that you made those youtube clips before you dropped out of Art Institute.
18. The fact that I can't fast fwd past the FBI warning when I watch porn.
19. People who give directions using landmarks instead of street names.
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"What I do know is that if Karen Carpenter and Mama Cass Elliot had shared that sandwich they'd both be alive today." -Michael K
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#408329 - 03/19/09 02:00 PM
Re: Pet Peeves / Things that make you MAD!!
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 10/19/06
Posts: 9958
Loc: fortified
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People that let shit bother them...
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i just lock, load, and regret. - jamesn
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#408331 - 03/19/09 02:45 PM
Re: Pet Peeves / Things that make you MAD!!
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 10/19/06
Posts: 9958
Loc: fortified
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Caring is sharing and well, I don't care.
I generally settle shit on the spot except for the Carl thing. And now that NASCAR season has started we've found common ground. We talk racing every Monday and I always have to hold back a laugh because even though she's a Jeff Gordon fan she looks like Jimmy Spencer.
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i just lock, load, and regret. - jamesn
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#408333 - 03/19/09 02:47 PM
Re: Pet Peeves / Things that make you MAD!!
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 11/27/07
Posts: 4795
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Everything.
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#408334 - 03/19/09 02:52 PM
Re: Pet Peeves / Things that make you MAD!!
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 10/19/06
Posts: 9958
Loc: fortified
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You fuckers are going to die young.
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i just lock, load, and regret. - jamesn
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#408340 - 03/19/09 04:38 PM
Re: Pet Peeves / Things that make you MAD!!
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 09/07/05
Posts: 14160
Loc: NYC
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Awww...Tony loves animals.
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"What I do know is that if Karen Carpenter and Mama Cass Elliot had shared that sandwich they'd both be alive today." -Michael K
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#408342 - 03/19/09 06:40 PM
Re: Pet Peeves / Things that make you MAD!!
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 09/23/04
Posts: 10321
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Quote:
Don't have a mommy or a daddy. Gonna make fun of this too. Go ahead it beats the fuck out of your repetitive "meth mommy jokes".
Too bad you're supposed to be a "Mommy" yourself. You fail at that.
Judging by your post count today I guess CPS came and took your kids in for "evaluation" for a few hours. That's what- four or five days of free babysitting you've gotten from them this month and it's not over yet.
Boyfriend (not to be confused with either baby's Daddy) found a job yet? Gotta get him out of the house too, so you can leave that xxxporntalk window open and not miss a thing.
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#408344 - 03/19/09 08:38 PM
Re: Pet Peeves / Things that make you MAD!!
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 01/02/05
Posts: 5750
Loc: ATLANTIC CITY
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-- Whores who I have seen more than twice without negative incident or problems, who actually count the money RIGHT after I point out the envelope to them when they arrive. Fuck you; I will make it a point to call you ONE MORE time and I WILL jip you out of a couple 50s and act totally clueless about it when you complain ("Huh? The envelope is short how much??? It was all there a minute ago.....well listen, I'm REALLY HORNY NOW, I havent jerked off in 8 days and I have been saving this HUGE load Jusssssst for you baby so dont worry, I'll definitely make the $$$ up to you NEXT visit, ok (lie)? Now .... JUST OPEN YOUR FUCKING MOUTH." -- JG Wentworth "Cash now" commercials. -- Whores who forget to wiggle their tongue inside the peehole when giving a blowjob. That's like forgetting the cheese on a pizza. FAIL. No tip. Lose Number. Good bye. -- Able Bodied Smelly Monkeys pretending to be crippled when their disability is actually Moral (NOT MENTAL, MORAL). How on earth can you possibly dislike, resent or be jealous of a crippled gimp, no matter how intelligent, interesting, magnanimous, wealthy, articulate, handsome or great a cook he actually is? I may be superior to you in 99.9% of all life's areas and aspects, but the fact remains YOU can always piss standing up, whereas I must have at least one metal bar riveted to the wall next to the crapper AND I must be 100% sober to even attempt to pee standing up...and I will probably need a nurse_whore assistant to hold my pecker anyway >>>> good thing I am intelligent, interesting, magnanimous, wealthy, articulate, handsome etc..... 
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Are you gonna eat that?
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#408345 - 03/19/09 08:57 PM
Re: Pet Peeves / Things that make you MAD!!
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Anonymous
Unregistered
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Quote:
8. When margins get fucked up in Excel.
This has been the story of my week.
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#408349 - 03/19/09 10:54 PM
Re: Pet Peeves / Things that make you MAD!!
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 09/07/05
Posts: 14160
Loc: NYC
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21. Fake lawyers
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"What I do know is that if Karen Carpenter and Mama Cass Elliot had shared that sandwich they'd both be alive today." -Michael K
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#408351 - 03/19/09 10:57 PM
Re: Pet Peeves / Things that make you MAD!!
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 09/07/05
Posts: 14160
Loc: NYC
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My relatives way further East than Jersey or wherever you live have got that covered.
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"What I do know is that if Karen Carpenter and Mama Cass Elliot had shared that sandwich they'd both be alive today." -Michael K
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#408352 - 03/19/09 10:58 PM
Re: Pet Peeves / Things that make you MAD!!
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Porn Fucking Master
Registered: 11/04/05
Posts: 3509
Loc: Pit of Despair
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Gia, if you ever come East, I promise not to care.
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Fap, Fap, Fap
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#408353 - 03/19/09 11:00 PM
Re: Pet Peeves / Things that make you MAD!!
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 09/07/05
Posts: 14160
Loc: NYC
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I'd be too busy shopping.
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"What I do know is that if Karen Carpenter and Mama Cass Elliot had shared that sandwich they'd both be alive today." -Michael K
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#408356 - 03/20/09 03:48 AM
Re: Pet Peeves / Things that make you MAD!!
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 08/16/08
Posts: 4257
Loc: Counting Kisses
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Pet Peeves: People who "assume" things. People who spam the forum THEY moderate and then whine about it. People who make rules that DONT APPLY to ALL. People who I ask questions to and they refuse to answer them. People who make empty threats. People who try to be "hardcore". (Esp. those in the position of "authority".) Whiney men. People who "hate" or are "annoyed" by someone yet acknowledge them everytime. People who are hypocrites. Phoneys.  People who give lame advice who think "what's best for them is best for all".  that's all....
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"Nature already created the perfect dishwasher....its called a woman." - Fiend
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#408357 - 03/20/09 04:29 AM
Re: Pet Peeves / Things that make you MAD!!
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Sex Slave Trader
Registered: 11/14/04
Posts: 1460
Loc: Down there
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Internet Explorer 7. It's slow as fuck and Google Chrome kicks its ass.
Soccor moms in their big fucking SUV's talking on their cell phone, doing 40 in a 55, while hauling around their huge family of 1 kid.
Frauds. Don't act like something you're not. (This is a real life issue, not internet).
This board not using vBulletin.
People that have millionaire brothers who won't ask them for some help instead ask me for help when I can barely cover my mortgage and the pot I piss in (another real life issue and not internet).
People that smoke so much they smell like a smoke stack. Your breath is off the fucking charts. Dentyne, mouth wash, bleach, Draino. For fuck's sake take care of that stinky shit.
People wanting to shake my hand when they meet me. Hey, if I want shit on my hand I'll go into the bathroom and stick my finger up my own ass. I don't know where your hand as been. Closed fist bump is just as good, however I may start bowing like the Japs do.
smiling arab not coming back here.
People who are habitually late.
Never will have the luxury of Gia, Moxxie, or Marley sitting on my face. 
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I like me some Gia'd Jerkins.
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#408358 - 03/20/09 05:37 AM
Re: Pet Peeves / Things that make you MAD!!
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Porn Fucking Master
Registered: 10/30/06
Posts: 3812
Loc: Neither here, nor there.
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#408360 - 03/20/09 07:36 AM
Re: Pet Peeves / Things that make you MAD!!
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 08/16/08
Posts: 4257
Loc: Counting Kisses
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#408364 - 03/20/09 03:42 PM
Re: Pet Peeves / Things that make you MAD!!
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Internet Tough Guy
Registered: 01/26/09
Posts: 898
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Let's see... Backhanded compliments. Example: I get to set and the first thing I hear is "Oh, Marley?! Oh wow, you look so much better than in the pictures I saw!" Gee thanks, I think. And which pictures did you see? 
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#408365 - 03/20/09 03:47 PM
Re: Pet Peeves / Things that make you MAD!!
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 09/07/05
Posts: 14160
Loc: NYC
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Babe, don't take it as a backhand compliment. It's more of a real compliment. Maybe you haven't shot with the right photographer yet to really capture you.
_________________________
"What I do know is that if Karen Carpenter and Mama Cass Elliot had shared that sandwich they'd both be alive today." -Michael K
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#408366 - 03/20/09 04:30 PM
Re: Pet Peeves / Things that make you MAD!!
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Internet Tough Guy
Registered: 01/26/09
Posts: 898
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Thanks, girl. That's a good way to look at it! By the way I loved your pet peeve list and agree with damn near every point, but seriously, do you take headshots? ...kidding, I swear! 
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#408368 - 03/21/09 01:48 PM
Re: Pet Peeves / Things that make you MAD!!
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 01/30/08
Posts: 7599
Loc: a site known for its tolerance...
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People who take massive shits in bars and restaurants. Dude, I'm taking a leak before my main course. The horrid stench of your massive turd and the grunting and gurgling noises emanating from that stall are making my appetite vanish. Did you not go before you left the house?
_________________________
"I'll never forget the moment during the lovely Alyssa Allure's scene in 'American Bukkake' where the fellow got out of his wheel chair to ejaculate on her face. It was grotesque but had a certain frisson." -Sock
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You bet your ass he does! 
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