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#408294 - 03/18/09 10:25 PM
Pot, Munchies & whores
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 01/02/05
Posts: 5750
Loc: ATLANTIC CITY
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Ever have a stripper/whore just start scouring your fridge for something to eat after smoking 2 joints and swallowing a load or 3????
After devouring half a strawberry pie I made, as well as a small stick of Hot Soppresetta I use for Appetizers recipes, "Wendy" gets in her car and goes 1/4 of a mile down the street to a small market near my house for something "Sweet and Chocolatey". About 37 minutes later, she walks back into my house eating this shit right out of the package: 
I didnt jerk off into her mouth anymore, I just whacked off watching her eat this shit, amazed at her base, animalistic, simplistic debauchery (and amazed she is still as hott as she is and not a 300 lb walking Ring Ding) And they say Pot ISNT a drug..... 
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Are you gonna eat that?
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#408298 - 03/18/09 11:05 PM
Re: Pot, Munchies & whores
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 09/07/05
Posts: 14160
Loc: NYC
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Another great thing the higher end whores have access to is the food of their higher end clients. Pantries full of imported Italian crackers, STACKS of Penta water, Belgium dark chocolate...A Viking refrigerator chock full of organic aged airedale cheese, carpaccio, caviar, bagels you can toast and spread with salmon roe, durians from his trip to Thailand, sapotes from the guy's latest helicopter ride over Redlands, FL...freshly made blueberry pie complete with latice work style crust top, rice pudding, left overs from French Laundry, FUCK...even the goddamn gift basket from Bristol Farms the guys at AIG sent...IT JUST NEVER ENDS, MEIN GOTT.
Yes, I've been known to be bedazzled and tempted by the inventory while waiting for a certain porn girl to finish up upstairs.
Don't touch the carpaccio. Not even rip one little slice off. Think about baseball, think about baseball...
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"What I do know is that if Karen Carpenter and Mama Cass Elliot had shared that sandwich they'd both be alive today." -Michael K
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#408300 - 03/20/09 05:09 AM
Re: Pot, Munchies & whores
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Whoremaster
Registered: 06/22/07
Posts: 2656
Loc: Polekatz, Rte 43
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Burg,
Where do you pull your new whores from - strip clubs or escort listings? Both have distinct advantages.
_________________________
"You have been banned from making any new posts or sending private messages. The reason for this ban is: meh, cause i can"
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#408301 - 03/20/09 09:32 AM
Re: Pot, Munchies & whores
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 01/02/05
Posts: 5750
Loc: ATLANTIC CITY
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Quote:
Burg,
Where do you pull your new whores from - strip clubs or escort listings? Both have distinct advantages.
It takes someone special to crack the "Burg Roster" of women whose holes I use to jack off, typically though it requires several face to face encounters (strip clubs, a bar in a Hotel on the road or in a Casino....or someplace more innocuous, like the Mall or even a Hospital...I'll explain the Hospital in a minute.) After I chat/discourse with a prospective whore and have won HER trust by purchasing several lap dances, drinks and/or dinner, it is now her turn to win my trust and interest by flirtatiously and openly discussing in the most filthy, graphic raunchy manner just what she will do and for how much.
Strippers and bar girls in nice hotels are preferred because they tend to have the minimum hottness required and I already know they are whores on the inside. But like the old saying goes "If you cant say it, you cant do it...." and even the most beautiful sophisticated whore has to be able to take my hand or place her hand or foot in my crotch, look me in the eye and tell me " I want to gobble your load" or something equivalent and then tell me what she expects as a base $$$ to begin constructing the debauched adventure. I dont believe in this bullshit of "discretion and sophistication".....I think she is hott, she likes me and wants some money, I want to see my splooge splashing onto her tongue and disappearing down her throat, so why diffuse the heat with talk of "300 ROSES and a twix bar" as her minimum for a blowjob????? I'll let my sophistication and intellect and good taste shine in other areas and at other times.
HOSPITALS: You scour the Emergency rooms and/or urgent care clinics between the hours of 6 pm until 10 pm and look for hott chicks who are over-acting like they are in pain. Chances are she is a pill popping whore in withdrawal trying to score a few percs to get her through the night so she can earn $$$ and then go see her dealer and buy more pills to get her through the week, etc etc. I roll up to her, put my HAND IN MY POCKET AND SHAKE THE PILL BOTTLE I HAVE IN THERE, and motion with my head for her to follow me out the door. If I am really lucky, she wont actually be an experienced professional whore, just some hooked-yet-HOTT desperate chick who's life is falling apart, and I can manipulate her with a few white lies into becoming a type of "chemically dependent mistress" for a few weeks until i get bored with the sight of my splooge going into her mouth and cast her off for the next big thing. Or maybe she turns out to be a keeper because she knows how to talk filthy and really truly LOVES to gobble (or at least can CONVINCE you she fuckin' loves it, like a certain resident whore here at XPT)....
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Are you gonna eat that?
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#408302 - 03/20/09 09:41 AM
Re: Pot, Munchies & whores
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Chronic Masturbator
Registered: 03/29/08
Posts: 1991
Loc: colorado
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lol
i can imagine burg all "what fucking envelope? what fucking roses? JOYFM" lol
_________________________
"Should send her our way, XPT could REALLY get her warmed up for any kind of abuse she might get later. "- nugent
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#408303 - 03/20/09 09:41 AM
Re: Pot, Munchies & whores
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Chronic Masturbator
Registered: 03/29/08
Posts: 1991
Loc: colorado
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ps- cant you get worms from eating raw cookie dough?
_________________________
"Should send her our way, XPT could REALLY get her warmed up for any kind of abuse she might get later. "- nugent
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#408305 - 03/20/09 07:09 PM
Re: Pot, Munchies & whores
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Gay For Pay
Registered: 12/24/07
Posts: 997
Loc: FL
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Soppresetta ???? Blech....even if I ate meat I couldnt stomach that stuff. Thats seriously nasty shit dude!!! If you and I ever meet...please refrain from scarfing that garbage so you dont sweat cow head on me!! 
_________________________
myspace.com/pornstarcameronkeys
twitter.com/cameronkeys
cameronkeys.com
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#408306 - 03/20/09 07:54 PM
Re: Pot, Munchies & whores
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Kurt Lackwood's Fluffer
Registered: 02/18/05
Posts: 1138
Loc: British Colombia
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Quote:
ps- cant you get worms from eating raw cookie dough?
Don't know, don't care... Health care is free here so I'll eat till I
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#408307 - 03/20/09 08:16 PM
Re: Pot, Munchies & whores
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Whoremaster
Registered: 06/22/07
Posts: 2656
Loc: Polekatz, Rte 43
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Quote:
Quote:
Burg,
Where do you pull your new whores from - strip clubs or escort listings? Both have distinct advantages.
It takes someone special to crack the "Burg Roster" of women whose holes I use to jack off, typically though it requires several face to face encounters (strip clubs, a bar in a Hotel on the road or in a Casino....or someplace more innocuous, like the Mall or even a Hospital...I'll explain the Hospital in a minute.) After I chat/discourse with a prospective whore and have won HER trust by purchasing several lap dances, drinks and/or dinner, it is now her turn to win my trust and interest by flirtatiously and openly discussing in the most filthy, graphic raunchy manner just what she will do and for how much.
Strippers and bar girls in nice hotels are preferred because they tend to have the minimum hottness required and I already know they are whores on the inside. But like the old saying goes "If you cant say it, you cant do it...." and even the most beautiful sophisticated whore has to be able to take my hand or place her hand or foot in my crotch, look me in the eye and tell me " I want to gobble your load" or something equivalent and then tell me what she expects as a base $$$ to begin constructing the debauched adventure. I dont believe in this bullshit of "discretion and sophistication".....I think she is hott, she likes me and wants some money, I want to see my splooge splashing onto her tongue and disappearing down her throat, so why diffuse the heat with talk of "300 ROSES and a twix bar" as her minimum for a blowjob????? I'll let my sophistication and intellect and good taste shine in other areas and at other times.
HOSPITALS: You scour the Emergency rooms and/or urgent care clinics between the hours of 6 pm until 10 pm and look for hott chicks who are over-acting like they are in pain. Chances are she is a pill popping whore in withdrawal trying to score a few percs to get her through the night so she can earn $$$ and then go see her dealer and buy more pills to get her through the week, etc etc. I roll up to her, put my HAND IN MY POCKET AND SHAKE THE PILL BOTTLE I HAVE IN THERE, and motion with my head for her to follow me out the door. If I am really lucky, she wont actually be an experienced professional whore, just some hooked-yet-HOTT desperate chick who's life is falling apart, and I can manipulate her with a few white lies into becoming a type of "chemically dependent mistress" for a few weeks until i get bored with the sight of my splooge going into her mouth and cast her off for the next big thing. Or maybe she turns out to be a keeper because she knows how to talk filthy and really truly LOVES to gobble (or at least can CONVINCE you she fuckin' loves it, like a certain resident whore here at XPT)....
Ever ordered an escort and then had to turn her away for being ugly? Talk about an awkward situation. I only made the mistake of requesting a whore sight unseen once when I was very young and inexperienced in Vegas. This chick forced me to admit I wasn't attracted to her too. I think I said I had gotten a headache since I called (LOL). She kept demanding "what's the real reason?" and called the escort service. Of course, if that happened now it would take me 2 seconds to get rid of her.
_________________________
"You have been banned from making any new posts or sending private messages. The reason for this ban is: meh, cause i can"
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#408308 - 03/21/09 04:03 AM
Re: Pot, Munchies & whores
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 01/02/05
Posts: 5750
Loc: ATLANTIC CITY
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Quote:
Ever ordered an escort and then had to turn her away for being ugly? Talk about an awkward situation.
That hasnt happened to me since 1995 or 1996, and it wasnt cuz she was ugly (she was actually smokin hott), it was the fact she says to me when she walked into my San Jose Condo "I'm sorry I am late, I couldnt find a babysitter, so I had to bring my 9 year old son...."
<stunned Da Burglar, stops wheeling to bedroom and turns to her and says> "ummmm, 9 yr old son????"
<Amoral clueless hott lazy whore>: "MmmmHmmm....So is 1200 cool for the 2 hours? I can do 3 hours for 1500...???"
<Fuming inside Burglar, turning Red> "wait....whoa whoa....so where is your son if you didnt find a babysitter??"
<Selfish Hott Bitch, realizing I am upset, trying to recover>: "Oh, well.....I dropped him off at the Chuck E' Cheeses 3 blocks from here...he has my Cellular number and I gave him YOUR number here too, that was ok right???"
<Burg, in Mickey Rourke Mode now> "GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE! NOW! Here's 200 bucks, Just go fucking get your boy now before I call the fucking cops....I am not worried about what they might say to me in this situation, you are fucking pathetic....seriously, Get the FUCK OUT OF MY SIGHT now!"
<Stunned whore>: "Ok Look, you dont fucking understand. I do this shitty business FOR MY SON....fuck, it's always the same...Ok fine BYE! If you change your mind call me..."
I cant believe she actually told me that, instead of just lying about the usual Whore Auto Accident or some other excuse for lateness....Whore's tend to open up with me, like something about my countenance encourages them to be honest and admit shit they otherwise hide or lie about. But goddamn....I cant believe I am reliving that awful memory at 6:30 AM on a saturday.
But in general, I NEVER call for a completely anonymous whore to visit me....I've had semi-blind date type calls, where a whore I trust refers me to another whore she vouches for.....
And if someone I trust or know personally, who has some connection to the sex industry or business of whores, refers a girl to me, I will try it out ONCE.
For Instance, if Holly Randall had a whore-friend who was experiencing a downturn in her business lately because of the economy (and not because the whore friend had recently started doing Meth or smoking CRACK), and Holly wanted to help her friend out by drumming up business, so Holly says to her whore friend: "Aria, I know this nice, eccentric, intellectual jaded crippled pervert who fancies himself a whore connoisseur...would you like me to set something up?"
Now unless Aria/Holly's whore friend is MEAN and refuses to even talk with cripples, much less have dinner with and blow later on, and unless Holly demands a percentage as a type of madame's fee, this will take place because I, da burg, trust implicitly Holly's judgement and Holly's concern for my happiness safety and well being. I know Holly would never ever set me up with a complete psycho hottie whore, or worse....
I might also trust Gian Jergens too in such a situation, but in Gia's case I would be afraid that Monkey had beat me to it and Monkey had paid Gia an exorbitant amount of $$ (that Monkey had scored by robbing a Bukkake set) to SPECIFICALLY have Gia set me up with a psycho serial killer hottie whore, and they find my empty wheelchair at the end of the Balboa Pier early the next morning with several drops of blood on the handlebars, and a bare Pork Chop Bone on the seat of the wheelchair.
I'm not saying Gia would hurt me, but she is a business woman and Monkey being Monkey....Da burglar Shudders <Shudder>
_________________________
Are you gonna eat that?
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#408309 - 03/21/09 05:33 AM
Re: Pot, Munchies & whores
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Whoremaster
Registered: 06/22/07
Posts: 2656
Loc: Polekatz, Rte 43
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I had a similar experience with a whore/stripper I picked up at a club at closing time. While driving to her house at 2:30 AM she said "we need to make a stop". She directs me to some rickety dump and she runs to the front door. She comes out with a sleepy 7/8-year-old kid in his pajamas and wrapped in a blanket. This was a weeknight, so I asked if the kid was going to school the next day. She said "of course". I took a fucking raincheck and dropped them off.
Moral of the story: whores are horrible mothers.
_________________________
"You have been banned from making any new posts or sending private messages. The reason for this ban is: meh, cause i can"
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#408310 - 03/21/09 05:44 AM
Re: Pot, Munchies & whores
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Porn Fucking Master
Registered: 11/04/05
Posts: 3509
Loc: Pit of Despair
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When lesbian pothead whores get the munchies do they crave tuna or other fish based foods??
_________________________
Fap, Fap, Fap
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#408311 - 03/21/09 06:08 AM
Re: Pot, Munchies & whores
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Whoremaster
Registered: 06/22/07
Posts: 2656
Loc: Polekatz, Rte 43
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tuna tacos
_________________________
"You have been banned from making any new posts or sending private messages. The reason for this ban is: meh, cause i can"
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#408312 - 03/21/09 08:24 AM
Re: Pot, Munchies & whores
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Max Hardcore Prison Bitch
Registered: 04/21/07
Posts: 398
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Quote:
When lesbian pothead whores get the munchies do they crave tuna or other fish based foods??
I have a lesbian pothead friend and she always wants to go to Hooters when she has the munchies.
A few weeks ago I hooked up with this one chick(non-whore) who had the munchies and she poured salsa into a bowl and ate it like it was soup.
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#408313 - 03/21/09 09:43 AM
Re: Pot, Munchies & whores
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 12/28/05
Posts: 4726
Loc: The City That Never Sleeps, Tr...
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Quote:
When lesbian pothead whores get the munchies do they crave tuna or other fish based foods??
Neither, what is it with the fish reference??, dont know what type of women you guys have been with but if you're with one and she smells like the tiniest hint of fish, my suggestion to you would be to run, and run quickly.
Stoned food munchies are Party Chex Mix, Graham Crackers w/Vanilla Yo Plait Yogurt spread on em and Pretzle Rods w/Grey Poupon mustard on them. 
Maybe you're talking about the type that lay in bed and feed each other sushi? 
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#408314 - 03/21/09 01:50 PM
Re: Pot, Munchies & whores
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Sex Slave Trader
Registered: 11/14/04
Posts: 1460
Loc: Down there
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Quote:
]Neither, what is it with the fish reference??, dont know what type of women you guys have been with but if you're with one and she smells like the tiniest hint of fish, my suggestion to you would be to run, and run quickly
Maybe you're talking about the type that lay in bed and feed each other sushi?
WTF do you know? I can guarantee you stink to high heaven. I bet your folds have cheesy yeast in them from not bathing. You probably smell like the back end of a tuna boat.
_________________________
I like me some Gia'd Jerkins.
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#408315 - 03/21/09 08:34 PM
Re: Pot, Munchies & whores
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Porn Jesus
Registered: 12/28/05
Posts: 4726
Loc: The City That Never Sleeps, Tr...
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Naw I ain't like that ! 
No pot needed. 
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