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#407138 - 03/15/09 05:24 PM Nasty Astrology
electrostatic Offline
Porn Jesus

Registered: 08/16/08
Posts: 4257
Loc: Counting Kisses


I bought this book at Urban Outfitters a few years ago. I love astrology and nasty stuff - so naturally, I love this book.

Here's a summary of the 12 signs.



Aries
March 22 - April 20


Arians are independent and hold most people in contempt. They have a quick fiery temper and are impatient and scornful of advice. They can be exceedingly abrupt and blunt. Their arrogance holds no bounds. They think there are only two ways to do anything - their way and the wrong way. They may be right but they lack the diplomatic skills and will win no friends. When it comes to relationships and commitment they are still looking for the meaningful one-night-stand. They're not as tall as they say they are.



Taurus
April 21 - May 21


Taureans like others to think of them as refined, and experts when it comes to food and drink. This is just a cover; they are in reality a glutton and a drunk. They care nothing for culture; it's all a matter of getting quantity than quality, although they do make a good job at fooling everyone. They are greedy both for oral satisfaction and material wealth. No one accumulate quite like them. They can also do a nice line in fake environmental concern - they really couldn't give a damn just as long as they own it all. They have too many close relatives.



Gemini
May 22 - June 21


For a Gemini, life is just one long game. It has no reality - they see it all as a movie or a computer game. They are no good at business but shouldn't be trusted near other's piggy banks, pocket money or purses. They'll steal and lie and cheat - just so long as they look good and appear on top. They have no morals, no ethics and will reach the top. They'd sell their granny if they could make money on her.



Cancer
June 22 - July 22


Because Cancerians have no life of their own, they just love to hear about other's people's problems - and they are gullible enough to think they might be of some help. How can they when they have had no real experiences? They're supposed to be good home makers - this is a myth - but they've spread this rumor because they're just too scared to go into the real world and find out what it's like. They think they have exquisite taste - but their style is old fashioned, dark and boring. They will get fat no matter what they eat.



Leo
July 22 - August 23


Ego first, second and last with Leo. If only they'd stop to realize that the world doesn't revolve round them as much as they think it does. They're so full of themselves that others are taken in and they can build up quite a following of sycophants and hanger-ons. This only helps bolster their over inflated sense of worth. They think any job they have is a career. They fail to notice how bad their lovers are because they're so busy watching their own performance - that's what it is, a performance. They wear too much make-up.



Virgo
August 24 - September 22


They have too many dictionaries and reference books. They could try reading a few of them. They're picky, sharp and bad tempered if they don't get their own way. Their need for cleanliness and order is an obsession and they should consider therapy. They have few friends and those they do have they criticize constantly. They have no emotions and might just as well be replaced by a machine. No one needs to wash their hands as much as they do.



Libra
September 23 - October 23


Librans think of themselves as balanced and able to weight up both sides - in actual fact they are ditherers with no real opinions or belief. They think they are quite artistic, but most people see them as wishy-washy and indecisive with no grip on reality. Quite right too. They are cowardly and incapable of standing up to anyone or anything. They would make a good professional yes-person.



Scorpio
October 24 - November 22


Scorpios are disruptive and cruel - and they like it that way. They spent their childhood pulling the wings off flies and now they feel hampered and restricted because they can't do it as an adult. So they just go out of their way to irritate everyone around them. They like offending people and have no social graces whatsoever. They may all end up being assassinated. They are very argumentative.



Sagittarius
November 22 - December 21


Sagittarians have no real talent or skills and survive on gut instinct and luck. They are a status-seeking snob with a reckless risk-taking approach on life - which seems to pay off, for the moment (but their day is coming). They really care what other people think of them - how pathetic. They love travel but it's really only running away for them, isn't it? Anything to avoid an honest day’s work.



Capricorn
December 22 - January 20


One day a Capricorn will take a risk and the world will stop in shock. They are cool to the point of frozen; self possessed to the point of wooden; and skeptical to the point of not even believing in themselves. They are the old-fashioned type - stuck in another era, another time warp. They are staid and boring, tight fisted and mean. They have no true emotions. They have no real sex life.



Aquarius
January 21 - February 19


Aquarius really ought to care a little more about who they sleep with - especially in this day and age. They are laid-back, organized and cool - these are also the attributes of any good confidence trickster. They never appear to do any work but they always have plenty of money - they must be sponging off someone. They are lazy and indulgent. They could try repaying some of their debts some time. They hate cuddly toys.



Pisces
February 20 - March 20


Pisceans have a vivid imagination and sense of drama. They frequently suffer from conspiracy delusions of being followed. They are good actors which make it hard for people to get to know them - a fact they like because it makes them seem enigmatic and mysterious they like people to regard them as a lot deeper than they are.


So if anyone's interested in the sex portion of the book let me know I’ll type out later. This is a porn forum after all. Also I am a Capricorn and can honestly say it's pretty accurate for me.
_________________________
"Nature already created the perfect dishwasher....its called a woman." - Fiend

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#407139 - 03/15/09 05:31 PM Re: Nasty Astrology
gia jordan Offline
Porn Jesus

Registered: 09/07/05
Posts: 14160
Loc: NYC
I'm a Taurus. I'm drinking scotch at the bar at Nordstrom. Other Tauruses include Tony Malice, Tommy Gunn, and Sunny Leone.
_________________________
"What I do know is that if Karen Carpenter and Mama Cass Elliot had shared that sandwich they'd both be alive today." -Michael K

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#407140 - 03/15/09 05:32 PM Re: Nasty Astrology
cqd Offline
Porn Jesus

Registered: 11/27/07
Posts: 4795
How many close relatives is too many?
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#407141 - 03/15/09 05:34 PM Re: Nasty Astrology
gia jordan Offline
Porn Jesus

Registered: 09/07/05
Posts: 14160
Loc: NYC
Maybe a big family on my dad's side but we'd only visit once a month. But he'd talk to them nearly everyday on the phone. Oh, and I have a Scorpio rising. Not that I believe in this shite. :leans back in Oliver Peoples sunglasses:
_________________________
"What I do know is that if Karen Carpenter and Mama Cass Elliot had shared that sandwich they'd both be alive today." -Michael K

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#407142 - 03/15/09 05:38 PM Re: Nasty Astrology
Uncle Joe Offline
Tranny Whisperer
Porn Jesus

Registered: 08/02/03
Posts: 9221
Gemini
May 22 - June 21

For a Gemini, life is just one long game. It has no reality - they see it all as a movie or a computer game. They are no good at business but shouldn't be trusted near other's piggy banks, pocket money or purses. They'll steal and lie and cheat - just so long as they look good and appear on top. They have no morals, no ethics and will reach the top. They'd sell their granny if they could make money on her.


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#407143 - 03/15/09 05:39 PM Re: Nasty Astrology
electrostatic Offline
Porn Jesus

Registered: 08/16/08
Posts: 4257
Loc: Counting Kisses
Quote:

I'm a Taurus. I'm drinking scotch at the bar at Nordstrom. Other Tauruses include Tony Malice, Tommy Gunn, and Sunny Leone.




Taureans like others to think of them as refined...

My 'boyfriend's' mom is a taurus. She thinks she is refined and resourceful but in reality she's a fucking cheap, hoarding bitch.


@ Conquistador, I have no fucking clue. I try to stay away from ALL my relatives. Honestly I don't even know most of them let alone count how many I have total. So I can't answer how many is too many. Ask Gia she may be able to answer this.
_________________________
"Nature already created the perfect dishwasher....its called a woman." - Fiend

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#407144 - 03/15/09 05:40 PM Re: Nasty Astrology
electrostatic Offline
Porn Jesus

Registered: 08/16/08
Posts: 4257
Loc: Counting Kisses
Quote:

Gemini
May 22 - June 21

For a Gemini, life is just one long game. It has no reality - they see it all as a movie or a computer game. They are no good at business but shouldn't be trusted near other's piggy banks, pocket money or purses. They'll steal and lie and cheat - just so long as they look good and appear on top. They have no morals, no ethics and will reach the top. They'd sell their granny if they could make money on her.






I FUCKING KNEW IT!!!!

This thread fucking kicks ass!~
_________________________
"Nature already created the perfect dishwasher....its called a woman." - Fiend

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#407145 - 03/15/09 05:48 PM Re: Nasty Astrology
Cum Stains Offline
Gay For Pay

Registered: 01/26/06
Posts: 1058
Loc: Keen for Peen
Quote:



Pisces
February 20 - March 20

Pisceans have a vivid imagination and sense of drama. They frequently suffer from conspiracy delusions of being followed. They are good actors which make it hard for people to get to know them - a fact they like because it makes them seem enigmatic and mysterious they like people to regard them as a lot deeper than they are.




Ruh oh. Sasha Grey is a Pisces.
_________________________
Even though Brian Pumper sometimes tries to act like he is hardcore thug-rapper, I can tell that underneath he is a considerate, respectful guy. -tritone

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#407146 - 03/15/09 05:48 PM Re: Nasty Astrology
Crocodile Offline
Pervert

Registered: 12/26/07
Posts: 2056
Fuck, I'm the same sign as Gia Jordan, Tony Malice, Tommy Gun , Sunny Leone and possibly conquistador. That's some fine company!


Edited by Crocodile (03/15/09 05:52 PM)
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"If you keep making fun of me, I might just get pissed and not post on here anymore. Start taking me seriously. I'm a student now" Fatja

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#407147 - 03/15/09 05:51 PM Re: Nasty Astrology
gia jordan Offline
Porn Jesus

Registered: 09/07/05
Posts: 14160
Loc: NYC
Nick Manning, Vanessa Blue, and Dave Navarro are all Geminis.
_________________________
"What I do know is that if Karen Carpenter and Mama Cass Elliot had shared that sandwich they'd both be alive today." -Michael K

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#407148 - 03/15/09 05:52 PM Re: Nasty Astrology
Crocodile Offline
Pervert

Registered: 12/26/07
Posts: 2056
Dave Navarro is also a faggot.
_________________________
"If you keep making fun of me, I might just get pissed and not post on here anymore. Start taking me seriously. I'm a student now" Fatja

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#407149 - 03/15/09 05:54 PM Re: Nasty Astrology
gia jordan Offline
Porn Jesus

Registered: 09/07/05
Posts: 14160
Loc: NYC
Oh shit. LOL! Kurt Lockwood is also a Gemini.
_________________________
"What I do know is that if Karen Carpenter and Mama Cass Elliot had shared that sandwich they'd both be alive today." -Michael K

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#407150 - 03/15/09 06:01 PM Re: Nasty Astrology
cqd Offline
Porn Jesus

Registered: 11/27/07
Posts: 4795
I wasn't expecting this thread to make me laugh so much. And yes Croc, I'm a Taurus. I was born on Mother's Day.
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#407151 - 03/15/09 06:46 PM Re: Nasty Astrology
backdoorman Offline
Porn Jesus

Registered: 09/01/08
Posts: 9782
Loc: Hillbilly Holler
Leo
July 22 - August 23

Ego first, second and last with Leo. If only they'd stop to realize that the world doesn't revolve round them as much as they think it does. They're so full of themselves that others are taken in and they can build up quite a following of sycophants and hanger-ons. This only helps bolster their over inflated sense of worth. They think any job they have is a career. They fail to notice how bad their lovers are because they're so busy watching their own performance - that's what it is, a performance. They wear too much make-up.

Do not....do not....do not....step on my pride. The world DOES revolve around me and I really am the shitz ! I don't wear makeup but probably could and get away with it. So there !
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I may not know arse but I know what I like !

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#407152 - 03/15/09 06:52 PM Re: Nasty Astrology
electrostatic Offline
Porn Jesus

Registered: 08/16/08
Posts: 4257
Loc: Counting Kisses
Quote:

Fuck, I'm the same sign as Gia Jordan, Tony Malice, Tommy Gun , Sunny Leone and possibly conquistador. That's some fine company!



Taureans like others to think of them as refined...

FUCK! My daughter was born May 14 so she too is a taurus.


Quote:

I wasn't expecting this thread to make me laugh so much.




Wait till I post the sex portion of the book. If you guys want. I thought about my old partners as I read it. I was shocked.


Where the fuck are my cold-hearted, sexless capricorns at?... Oh that's right, not giving or getting a fuck...
_________________________
"Nature already created the perfect dishwasher....its called a woman." - Fiend

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#407153 - 03/15/09 06:59 PM Re: Nasty Astrology
LouCypher Offline
@
Porn Jesus

Registered: 10/19/06
Posts: 9958
Loc: fortified
Quote:

Oh shit. LOL! Kurt Lockwood is also a Gemini.




I know 2 others...
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i just lock, load, and regret. - jamesn

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#407154 - 03/15/09 07:24 PM Re: Nasty Astrology
electrostatic Offline
Porn Jesus

Registered: 08/16/08
Posts: 4257
Loc: Counting Kisses
What are you, Lou??... I say.... SCORPIO!
_________________________
"Nature already created the perfect dishwasher....its called a woman." - Fiend

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#407155 - 03/15/09 07:30 PM Re: Nasty Astrology
electrostatic Offline
Porn Jesus

Registered: 08/16/08
Posts: 4257
Loc: Counting Kisses
Ted Bundy was born on November 24. I would have guessed scorpio too. But this is somewhat accurate, from what I've read at least.

Quote:

Sagittarius
November 22 - December 21

Sagittarians have no real talent or skills and survive on gut instinct and luck. They are a status-seeking snob with a reckless risk-taking approach on life - which seems to pay off, for the moment (but their day is coming). They really care what other people think of them - how pathetic. They love travel but it's really only running away for them, isn't it? Anything to avoid an honest day’s work.



_________________________
"Nature already created the perfect dishwasher....its called a woman." - Fiend

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#407156 - 03/15/09 09:31 PM Re: Nasty Astrology
the unknown pervert Offline
Porn Jesus

Registered: 03/22/07
Posts: 5186
Loc: Joshua Tree National Park
I'm a Leo. I really don't understand why you bothered to post any of the other signs. I didn't even bother to read them.
_________________________
I would eat Allie Sin's asshole until I got an emotion out of her.-Jerkules

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#407157 - 03/15/09 09:52 PM Re: Nasty Astrology
Fiend Offline
Porn Fucking Master

Registered: 11/04/05
Posts: 3509
Loc: Pit of Despair
I'm a Pisces. I wish you fuckers would stop following me.
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Fap, Fap, Fap

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#407158 - 03/15/09 10:04 PM Re: Nasty Astrology
gia jordan Offline
Porn Jesus

Registered: 09/07/05
Posts: 14160
Loc: NYC
Quote:

Quote:

I'm a Taurus. I'm drinking scotch at the bar at Nordstrom. Other Tauruses include Tony Malice, Tommy Gunn, and Sunny Leone.




Taureans like others to think of them as refined...





Yes, I know. I got it. That's why I put in words like 'scotch' and 'Nordstrom.'
_________________________
"What I do know is that if Karen Carpenter and Mama Cass Elliot had shared that sandwich they'd both be alive today." -Michael K

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#407159 - 03/15/09 10:20 PM Re: Nasty Astrology
Bornyo Offline
Porn Jesus

Registered: 09/23/04
Posts: 10321
Quote:







The previous post was made by a tweaker mother of children too young to make decisions for themselves. Every post made by her is time taken away from these poor innocents. She chooses to toss the kids in a playpen, plug in a Sesame Street dvd and post on XPT instead of interacting with her flesh and blood.

Please help the children by ignoring her compulsion to respond vacuously to every thread on the board.

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#407160 - 04/18/09 09:05 AM Re: Nasty Astrology
JAGnLA Offline
Rob Black's Crack Pipe

Registered: 05/18/04
Posts: 119
Loc: Los Angeles, CA
Quote:



..a fact they like because it makes them seem enigmatic and mysterious they like people to regard them as a lot deeper than they are.





"Shove me in the shallow waters before I get too deep..."

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#407161 - 04/18/09 12:23 PM Re: Nasty Astrology
jeff jordan Offline
Kurt Lackwood's Fluffer

Registered: 05/22/08
Posts: 1272
Loc: In a cesspool of phonies and d...
Aquarius.

The summary in the OP is total bullshit.
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